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Reviews from
Let's Hear It


Cheaters

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
Julia.
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello David! Not even going to pretend I understand everything that you're referencing, but I wanted to stop by and say hi. Looks like we've both been pretty much MIA for the last couple of years. Hope you are doing well! ...Ack, I know, that's not really a review of the poem.

You're a master of meter and rhyme as always... there! That should do it. :)

Julia


 Comment Written 03-Apr-2018


Comment by
closetpoetjester
Metronomaniacal
Tendancies
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Well indeed, let's hear it! Excellent poem Dave...you ran the gamut of lies, thieves and generally tortured souls here to construct a wonderful poem that resonates with the reader.
I got a sincerity and depth to this one particularly with the middle stanza and I sense that maybe that is where your head might be at. Frustrated but committed.

Hang in there silent sufferer...you are a GOOD son. You know it.
With that said, it doesn't alter the burdon upon you.
Keep working out Mr Sixpack LOL and pulllleeze keep your sense of humour.
Any time you need a pick me up laugh, you know where I am. I mean it

Always great to read you mate
Px


 Comment Written 06-Mar-2017


Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  126
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  77
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Review Stars
  Rank:  189
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Ahh, The Rogue returns, and wears yet another cloak. (LOL) I rather like this dashing Knight, his words cutting like a fine-edged blade...

(Although, I do hope this is not a rant over real events.) What a joy to read your work again, my friend! Don't stay away so long next time!

David, I have no sixes, but you KNOW this deserves the proper rating -

******************EXCEPTIONAL!!!***********************


 Comment Written 22-Feb-2017


Comment by
nancy_e_davis
Level 1 Pro
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  Rank:  68
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  Rank:  73 (+3)
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Review Stars
  
 Rank:  65
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello David! It's good to see you here again. I would bet It's not the same FS you knew and loved is It? Many of our best poets are gone and we have a lot of new blood now. I look forward to your posts. Good to have you back. This is an excellent poem. Perfect meter and rhyme. Brokenhearted is one word. You know what they say! Cheaters never win, but some people take joy in cheating. Pity them. Good job. Welcome back! Nancy


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017


Comment by
rama devi
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  151
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

HI David! How wonderful to see you posting here again. missed you! I'm active only intermittently. This is a superb tribute. Relevant and well penned. Expressive. Superb alliteration and other poetic devices. Good flow. Superb tone and tenor to suit the theme. The voicing is great. My only nit is with all those ellipses in the front of lines. While it's fine to use them with poetic license, I think it visually clutters the piece and is distracting. An indent would accomplish the same effect and leave more white space so no distraction but rather enhancement of the 'breath' effect...the long pause feeling. Just my two cents. Also, I think brokenhearted is one word, not hyphenated, and spell check seems to agree:

Let's hear it...
...For the broken-hearted,

Suggest:

Let's hear it...
For the brokenhearted,



Love this stanza (only an experienced caretaker knows what excruciating sacrifice is required):

Let's hear it...
...For the weary carers,
Ones who bend before they crack,
Who suffer silently as bearers
Of the burdens on the back.


*If you do opt to keep those front-of-line ellipses, then it is missing in this stanza:

Let's hear it...
For the scores of liars
Who deny, deny, deny
Until they're roasting in the fires
That they set...then ask us why.

The above stanza is POWERFUL and timely. I love it. Intense. Just a thought for a more dramatic pause in the last line (or parenthetical comment):

That they set--then ask us why.

That they set. Then ask us why.

That they set (then ask us why.)


Outstanding shift in the closing note:

Let's hear it...
...No! ignore the pleading
From the liars and the thieves
Who claim "not guilty" while they're cheating
As the poseur who deceives.



Outstanding rhymes throughout.

Almost a six.

Warm welcome back!

Love and smiles,
rd


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017


Comment by
Michael Ludwinder
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  440
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I thought this was very creative. I love the use of the repetition of "let's hear it". Each stanza was powerful and had a strong message. Great job.


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017


Comment by
Just2Write
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Welcome back, Marillion. I was delighted to see a post from you this morning. I hope you have been doing much writing somewhere in your long absence.
I like your 'cheering' poem for the liars and cheaters - those who seem to get ahead, while screwing others. The poem has a tad a cynicism, but it reads very well.
S4L5 Should that be burdens on their back vs. the back?
I remember how easily meter comes to you, so it's no surprise at how well this flows, even though the meter is an unusual one, that one hears mostly in speeches.
I hope you're doing more than just stopping in to say hi.
Loves yards, m'dear and I have missed your poetic voice. Rose


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017


Comment by
Dawn of Tomorrow
Level 2 Pro
Always dreaming
of illusive love
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I knew there was a reason I clicked on Fanstory this morning. So sorry that dark writing perhaps is returned but honestly those are the best of pens. This is grand, I love that opening

Let's hear it...
...For the broken-hearted,
And the beauty of their pain,
Who hide their wounds behind their armor
To deny their hearts were slain.

That one rings quite true. Love those repetitive "Let's hear it" and great rhyme scheme. Different writing style for you and I'm loving it.


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017


Comment by
ronnie k
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
LETS HEAR IT, to truly review the likes I have for this fast moving gem I would need to rewrite every word you wrote, once is enough for perfection THANK YOU


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017


Comment by
dmt1967
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  424
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  178 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  77
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  201
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a very good poem and I like the last line. It sums up my day today very nicely. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this poem and like your writing style. Thank you for sharing and great poem.


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2017


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