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Loop Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 3 Days

My Faith
Deadline: Oct 30th

Halloween Flash Fiction
Deadline: Oct 31st

Halloween Poetry
Deadline: Oct 31st

Haiku
Deadline: Nov 2nd


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Reviews from
haiku (sun's warm tentacles)


haiku

  9 total reviews 
Comment by
marybell1
 
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I enjoyed reading your Haiku " Golden Farewell. You chose a lovely photo and all your lines and syllables were correct for a 5-7-5, which I believe to be a true Haiku.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.


 Comment Written 19-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
    Many thanks.
Comment by
Val Crisson
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  310
Author Rating For Short Works
 
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  Rank:  400
 
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This is a very nice "haiku," but since the contest entry specifically ask for no personification?? I'm not sure the sun has "tentacles" and you satori has some personification in it. None the less, a beautiful effort.


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
    Thank you very much.
Comment by
Rhonni
 
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This is incredibly wonderful and really catches the photo for the challenge quite well. It's these simple haiku poems that can speak volumes in such a few short words and syllables...good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 19-Apr-2017
    Thanks. I appreciate the read.
Comment by
Nikki-Nicole
 
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This is a great Haiku.
It consists of three lines.
Each line has a syllable count: 5-6-5
Total syllable count: 16
Great artwork: The image is a perfect fit for this poem.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your Haiku.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
    Thanks so much. The contest calls for 17 syllables or less, so I think I'm okay with the 16 count.
Comment by
Selina Stambi
 
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I like the word 'tentacles' used to describe rays of sun.

Love the final line, particularly the alliteration in 'final flame'.

Best wishes for the contest.

Sonali



 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
    Thank you for your kind words.
Comment by
Laurie Clayton
 
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Hello there,

Now I wish I had a six to give, alas this is not so,
your words ring forth with images
that set my heart a glow.

Good luck with the contest.

Laurie


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
    What a lovely comment. Thank you.
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
 
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The rules of this haiku contest clearly state: 'NO personification (attributing human qualities to animal or object)', which leads me to wonder if twilight actually caresses anything.
I suppose that interpretation will be left up to the moderator of this contest.
Personally I find nothing wrong with personification in haiku, but that's what the rules say.
As far as form, your haiku is well composed.
You've utilized a 5/6/5 syllabic count, well within the limits set by haiku poetry.
Lines one and two have a definite grammatical connection and demonstrate good concrete imagery.
The "kigo", or seasonal, reference could be any season as all seasons have a sunset.
Your haiku is written in present tense, and your satori is a brief but lovely observation of the haiku as a whole.
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
~Dean


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
    The personification of caress has been mentioned twice, so... I changed the satoru to twilight's final flame.. Thanks for the advuse.

reply by Dean Kuch on 18-Apr-2017
    I think that might be best. That eliminates any possibilities for potential problems.
    Besides, I happen to like that much better.
    Good luck! :)
Comment by
rspoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  34
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  43
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  Rank:  93
 
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This could be a fine entry for the contest
with exact syllables at 5-7-5
and solid imagery in the sun/horizon
linked by good grammatical connection in the present tense
The one problem I see is possible personification
"caress" might be seen as a human action
Excellent art work to match
Good luck in the contest


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
    Interesting point. Thanks for sharing and the read.
Comment by
2018 Short Works Writer of the Year
Mustang Patty
 
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thank you for sharing your entry in the Sunset Haiku contest. Your presentation of picture and poem gives us a peaceful feeling. The words of the piece are clear and concise in their meaning.
~patty~


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017



reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017
    Thank you. I appreciate the read.
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