Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Loop Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 3 Days

My Faith
Deadline: Oct 30th

Halloween Flash Fiction
Deadline: Oct 31st

Halloween Poetry
Deadline: Oct 31st

Haiku
Deadline: Nov 2nd


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
An Accidental Audition


NYC--a melting pot of human stories

  15 total reviews 
Comment by
Jumbo J
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Ingrid,
I guess life's dependent on change and 'chance'... reading this little vinaigrette allowed the picture of 'lady luck' to not only present itself, but play a big part in the direction of different player's lives. Whilst the story was generated around and about Kelly, you had a few others factor into her outcome. A benevolent man... his family( I would have loved more connection with them) and maybe a guiding angel dressed up as a janitor.

I don't know of the format to this contest, but you were taking me on a pretty detailed ride... and then it turned towards the middle an end with far-less content... nearly as though it was a word count thing, like you had to 'cut' and run. You know I love my details... (which you did pepper-in more at the beginning where you got me in. But in saying that, I did enjoy reading your cute little 'happy ending'... I guess Kelly came out on top in the end after such a tough beginning... ah, you've gotta love 'chance'... and yes, that's the word I'd use to break up the three accidentals with... just sayin'!

Hmmmmmmm, an accidental job she'd found by accident... and an accidental meeting all in the same sight of line? Well, didn't sound too accidental to me... one accident, yeah... two, maybe... but three, that's no set of chance circumstances. *Grin*

Enjoyed your story as I usually do when reading your mind at play... all the very best wishes of success in this contest.

With our thoughts we create,
our own luck.
James vx's.


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
    I'm so sorry it took so long to reply--computer meltdown as well as my entire phone service. I feared this was turning into a book--where the hell did this novel writing come from? At any rate, I know I sloughed off and tried to end the story too soon and just wanted to make the deadline. Shame on me, Thanks for the kind words.
Comment by
TheWriteTeach
Fanstory
Recognized Writer
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  546
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I was interested right away. You pulled me in with that first sentence. I was with this all the way to the end, then I got totally confused. When Kelly auditioned, she spoke of Rachael, her twin sister. Then at the very end, Gordon brought the girl in from the audience, who was Kelly's twin, but her name was Meagan. I got twisted up someplace, and I can't figure it out. I missed something.

I noticed a couple of things, mostly commas:

The all-woman cast went from being obscure actors[,] who supplemented their meagre theatre pay with an assortment of menial jobs, to household names. Suddenly they were famous. (need comma where indicated)

an ant in a colony; pushed, shoved[,] and invisible. (need comma where indicated)

Get on the stage[,] and show us what you've got. (need comma where indicated)


If asked, she couldn't remember[,] or repeat[,] the words (need commas where indicated)

Unable to continue, the rest of the cast covered for {her}, pushing her into the wings. (I think you missed a word.)

I know the picture was provided by the site, to go with the story. It sure is a creepy clown. I think you did a nice job of incorporating it into this piece. Good luck in the contest.

Suzanne


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
    Pl;ease forgive my very tardy reply. I experienced an electronic meltdown and have still yet to fully recover.

    Your reviews are always extremely helpful and thoughtful. I both agree with you and appreciate all the time you put into this response. Thank you very much.
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Ingrid, this is a spectacular story. I wish I had a six to give you. Because I see a lot of plays and perform stories on stage, I can imagine Kelly's audition scene.

Her arrival in New York is filled with sensations and thoughts:

A stench, a mixture of melting asphalt, sweat and garbage made Kelly's nostrils flare as she tried to make sense of her destination of choice. She looked back longingly at the bus, a steel cocoon, a place of refuge, but it made a left-hand turn and pulled out of the depot before she could change her mind.

A big surprise was her finding her separated twin sister in the audience and experiencing her joy over her newfound relatives and family.

I found one spelling error. You misspelled "consolation prize" as "consolidation prize."

Your prose is crisp and you told a compelling story creatively.

Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best in the contest.


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017
    Thank you for all your support and help.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  74
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  171
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  40
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Ingrid, this is a great take on the story, and quite different from a few others I've read. I really liked it a lot.
, and once he realied the girl was homeless =, and once he realised the girl was homeless
Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017
    Thank you very much. I've had a chat with my keyboard, well you could call it a correctib=ve interview, and the guys have sworn loyalty and attention to accuracy. Thanks so much.
Comment by
2018 Short Works Writer of the Year
Mustang Patty
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
a very original use of the picture for the back drop of this story. The telling was well done and though it took some time to get to the main character, there was a good connection with her and her problem.

Well done - good luck in the contest,

~patty~


 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017
    Thank you very much for your comments. I suspect Dean will win this one, a perfect picture for a horror story, but I enjoyed veering off the path.
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 3 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  254
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  24
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  307
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Ingrid,

I really liked this piece. It's a very different approach to the photographic inspiration than most I've read and all the better for it.

I did notice a few things as I read-

overwhelmed by her overnight success Other actors spent years crawling - think there should be a full stop after success here.

an accidental job she'd found by accident - is the repetition intentional here?

The city reeked with immediacy, a chant in the crowd, an impatient rush, a discordant symphony, a drone of chatter without a melody or words. - superb descriptiveness here.

Always nice to see the much maligned semi-colon used in the correct manner.

hotdog can be one word.

before it closed and lure intoy the cool respite - Am I missing something here? Is it a typo?

Kelly didn't move, he paused and glared at the young women. - woman?

" I haven't got anything. I didn't come here to read for a part." - delete the space after the opening speech marks.

"All right, then" he said - insert a comma after then before the closing speech marks.

relegated Kelly to a consolidation prize - should this be consolation rather than consolidation?

and once he realied the girl was homeless, - realised/realized.

"Kelly, are you alright?"Gordon was pounding on the door - insert a space before Gordon here.

Rachel--divorced? Rachel...the name of her twin sister...it took her over the edge. - but later on the sister's name is different - Meagan.

the story.Our father died - insert a space before Our.

All the best
G


 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017
    Rachel was the character Gordon asked Kelly to play in her audition, not the sister, Meagan. However, all your other comments made me blush with shame. Thank you. That's a good thing. It goes to show you, if you don't use it, you lose it. I really appreciate your edit. hugs, ingrid
Comment by
apky
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a brilliant description of New York:

From the moment Kelly stepped off the bus, she felt like an ant in a colony; pushed, shoved and invisible. The city reeked with immediacy, a chant in the crowd, an impatient rush, a discordant symphony, a drone of chatter without a melody or words.

She caught the door before it closed and lure into(delete y) the cool respite from the August heat, walked inside.

introduced her to his (and?) daughter, changing her destiny with his compassion.

A nice and enjoyable story with a HEA.

Apky


 Comment Written 27-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017
    Thanl uoi very much for your keen spotting of nits. Gtratly appreciated/
Comment by
prettybluebirds
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent. You have a couple of errors. The word remember should be remembered, and destroy should be destroyed. Otherwise, it is a great story, and I enjoyed it. Best of luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 26-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 26-Jun-2017
    Thanks for the catch. Greatly appreciated.
Comment by
Sasha
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Sasha
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  57
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
You kept me glued to the screen from beginning to end. Marvelous work with this entry. I enjoyed it immensely and honestly believe you have a winner with this one. I wish you all the best in this contest.


 Comment Written 25-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
    From you lips to God's ear--or at least the committee's. Thanks for all the stars.
Comment by
davisr (Rhonda)
Premier Author
Rhonda
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  155
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  92
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  204
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You used a lot of imagination to come up with a whole story about one young lady from a picture. It was interesting and creative. Your words made me feel like a part of the drama.
Great Job, and best of luck in the contest.

Take care,
Rhonda


 Comment Written 25-Jun-2017



reply by the author on 25-Jun-2017
    Thanks so much.
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Football Chapter 3 part 1
A mother faces life's struggles.


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy