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Reviews from
Breath


Last moments

  31 total reviews 
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
Premier Author
Some people dre...
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is such a well written, poignant poetic proclamation portraying pure love and loss, Mitchell.
Emotional, expressive--rife with despondency and pain.
I sense that you've witnessed someone go through this at least once in your lifetime.
I couldn't help but think of Metallica's hit song "One" as I read, although the circumstances are completely different.

I watched along with my family as my aunt Diane, at the ripe old age of 42, no less, succumbed to sclerosis of the liver. Her husband, Joe, had left her for another much younger woman, and she simply drank herself to death within a five year period of their divorce.

She was on life support for an entire week with no hope of recovery. So, my grandmother made probably one of the hardest decisions (if not THE hardest) she'd ever had to make in her life and removed her youngest daughter from the machines keeping her "alive."
I wouldn't classify what my aunt was doing at that time as living.
Waiting to die, perhaps, but hardly living.

Excellent, my friend...
~Dean


 Comment Written 17-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    I really try to write what I'm feeling inside, a bit like the way BB King used to sing the blues, and if I can convey that feeling to just one person other than the reader just going through the monotony of reading words on paper then it is all worthwhile.
    Dean, your words mean a hell of a lot to me, thank you so much.
    Mitchell

reply by Dean Kuch on 17-Jul-2017
    My pleasure, Mitchell.
Comment by
Aussie
Premier Author
Kace
 
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  Rank:  92
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  Rank:  59
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  Rank:  136
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A very in-depth story/poem telling all about the dying and the last breath taken. The only comment I would make (with respect) the stanzas need to be broken up (let the words sink in and if you like 'breathe) the words run into one another and I found it hard to make it pause. Read it yourself, out loud. Apart from breaking it up (maybe into quatrains) you have a jolly good poem with much thought gone into it. Well done.


 Comment Written 17-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    A fantastic review, thank you so much for your kind, honest words and advice and humbling rating
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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  Rank:  2
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 Rank:  2
 

#2 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a very sad write of yearning and loss, filled with grief and bewilderment as losing someone you love leaves an empty hole and thoughts of what once was. Love Dolly x


 Comment Written 17-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much Dolly
Comment by
2018 Novelist of the Year.
2017 Short Works and 2017 Script Writer of the Year.
Thomas Bowling
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  Rank:  103
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  Rank:  13
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  Rank:  103
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Excellent. This is what a poem should be. Your poetry reads like one of the old masters. It flows wonderfully and is an easy read.

as the sun slips
through the billowed fingers
of cover,
and the oceans roll,
crowned with ancient salt

I could have selected any of your great lines, but this is typical of how good it is.


 Comment Written 16-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much Thomas for a fantastic review and unbelievable rating
Comment by
~Dovey
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Hi YNWA:

This is a poignant poem rich with vivid imagery and excellent use of poetic language in free verse fashion. It is both sad and vibrant looking into the face of death. Your third person description of the woman became a deathbed conversation which leaves the reader as an outside observer into her final moments.

Excellent work!

Kim


 Comment Written 16-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much Kim
Comment by
Irish Rain
Level 4 Pro
 
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  Rank:  133
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wow. This has tremendous everything. Beauty, heartache, poignancy...acceptance. Your word choices are quite beyond the ordinary, and you turn her death, into a masterpiece. Blessings....


 Comment Written 16-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much IR, for such a wonderful review, it's always lovely to hear from you.
Comment by
dragonpoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  105
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  Rank:  71
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is such a sad poem with strong metaphor and emotion and images of watching a loved one waste away. You remember the healthy days and wonder how a person can lose such strength and have the body become so weak. Sometimes you wish you could take their place, but it is not what is meant to happen.

Keep writing

dragonpoet


 Comment Written 16-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much, loved your review

reply by dragonpoet on 17-Jul-2017
    You are so very welcome..

    dp
Comment by
Hitcher
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  Rank:  249
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Behave yourself man,... this is pure and simply an amazing writing mate! Truly breath-taking : ) Another refined, quality, emotionally charged offering mate. I have been there, my wife's father spend his last months, weeks and days with us and I was there when his final breath released him from the pain and suffering he'd endured... brilliant write mate... brilliant!!


 Comment Written 16-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 17-Jul-2017
    Stop it my Geordie friend, your making me blush, I think it's important to try and feel what your writing rather than just put words on paper, something we have in common mate....can't thank you enough for the support you constantly give me.

reply by Hitcher on 17-Jul-2017
    I'm Just glad I came back on site when I did and got to know you and yours mate. You have a genuine, undeniable gift Mitchell... truly!!
    The pleasure is all mine : )
Comment by
His Grayness
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
wow! This is an exceptionally gripping, powerful, and brilliantly done work of writing for such a painful and emotionally shocking subject. I'm breathless with the engagement of this situation and thank the author for an awesome read! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance


 Comment Written 16-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much Vance, what a wonderful review and overwhelming rating
Comment by
F. Wehr3
Recognized Writer
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow! Terrific free verse! I'll try not to gush, but I was enchanted by your choices in word play. This is the epitome of what I enjoy about free verse. Great job!

Keep going!
Russell


 Comment Written 16-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much Russell, for a cracking review and very humbling rating
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