Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Love Poem Poetry Contest
Deadline: Tomorrow!

No Rules Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 5 Days

One Line Poem
Deadline: Oct 28th

Halloween Story
Deadline: Oct 31st

Halloween Poetry
Deadline: Oct 31st


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
The Piper


Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "The Piper, part 19"

Young Adult Fantasy

  13 total reviews 
Comment by
May 1
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  392
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I feel like Piper was raised in a society where they were led to believe in one thing but that's not necessarily the whole truth. I wish he was a bit more open-minded. Well, I can understand Redd-Leif's reaction any human would have done the same if they could when their family was threatened. That's so sad. Poor Redd-Leif...


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 01-Feb-2020
    Hi May 1,
    What a perceptive review. I really appreciate the comments on this one. Debi
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
You threw me for a loop when I read Piper wondered if this were a trick. Well-written account of how Piper's mother was hit with a poisoned arrow.
I'm not sure if it's possible for a man to rip off another man's arm.
Other than that your details make me suspend belief and take part in this strange world.


 Comment Written 30-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Hi Shari,
    Thank you so much for the splendid six star review! I appreciate the comments on what works and what doesn't. Have a wonderful Sunday evening.
Comment by
BeasPeas
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a lovely chapter to your story of Piper's heritage. Ending lines are especially nice: "Piper glanced out into the rain, then back at the fire. He placed his flute to his lips, took a deep breath, and improvised a tune to echo the mood of the rain." Marilyn


 Comment Written 30-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Hi Marilyn,
    Wow! Thank you so much for the six star rating. Thanks for mentioning the closing lines. I changed them several times. It is good to know they worked.
    Debi

reply by BeasPeas on 30-Jul-2017
    You're welcome. Great story. Clear and nicely written. :)
Comment by
Pam (respa)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  17 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  36
Review Stars
  Rank:  26
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
-Excellent chapter, Debi.
-You delve into the character of
Redd-Leif and show us a
different aspect to his character.
-He obviously cares about Piper's
mother and his brother.
-His story is fascinating as he tells
it to Piper.
-I have had my doubts about him
for a while, but he seems sincere
in this chapter.
-I like Sheba's comment to Piper
at the end, too.
-I didn't know if the comma was needed here:
"Blew-Gale, died in my arms."





 Comment Written 29-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Hi Pam. Thank you so much for the six stars! I appreciate the analysis and your continued encouragement. I wondered about that comma too. I'll have to get out the grammar book and confirm.

reply by Pam (respa) on 30-Jul-2017
    You are very welcome and deserving, Debi. I liked this chapter very much. From what I see, you are separating the subject from the verb. Let me know what you find.
Comment by
rspoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  31 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  100
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
You tell a story very well (as does Redd-Leif)
This explains Piper's origin and why he was not with his family
It seems to answer the question of how he came to be separated from his parents
and the story of his grandfather, Grand Master Raymond Acker
but there is much to look forward to,
including meeting his mother, and Rupert's whereabouts
and his adopted parents
Redd-Leif appears to be emerging as "one of the good guys"
which brings into question Burkehart's role
As Piper turns to his flute for solace.
Very well done, an excellent chapter
RS


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Hi RS. Thank you for the kind comments about the storytelling. I love that you can keep the characters straight, especially since I go so long between postings. I hope to get up to one a week, but life ...
    Thank you so much for the six stars and your continued support.
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Great job! I enjoyed the story within a story. I'm guessing Raymond never wanted to give up the baby. It's been so long since I read the first part of this book, but I remember Piper's grandfather died? Was that Raymond?

but when he looked up Piper was watching him --suggest comma after up.

cross-bow,--crossbow

so I reach for him. --reached?

the best to you,
Russell


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Hi Russell,
    Thank you for the shiny six star rating. You are correct that Raymond is Piper's grandfather and the one who died at the beginning of the story.
    Thanks for catching the SPAG.
Comment by
nancy_e_davis
Level 1 Pro
Premier Poet
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  66
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  95
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  62
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
So Piper's mother was an elf? Who/what was his father? A human?He is learning a lot about his past from Redd-eif the Fae. This is an interesting story about an enchanted world we can only imagine. You do a good job dear. Well done.


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Thank you for your continued support and the encouraging review, Nancy. It is much appreciated.
Comment by
Meia (MESAYERS)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  82
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  168
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
wow what an exciting and charming story. I love the different range of supernatural beings you have employed for your cast of characters. The flow and pace was superb, the writing pacy and yet relaxed and enjoyable. I look forward to reading more from you this is a heck of a story I have been missing out :) Kindest regards Meia x


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Hi Meia,
    Thank you for the kind words about the story and the characters. I appreciate the comments about the pacing.
Comment by
Rasmine
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Okay, I really like this writing. I think I need to fan you, so I don't miss any more. :)

I found a comma error, I think, research it: A man was about to shoot his cross-bow (comma) so I reach (reached) for him.

TC


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Thank you for the kind words and for the grammar advice. I appreciate the help and the encouragement.
Comment by
apky
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You write with a great eye for details and convey the details well. In the passage below, for example, you make the reader feel with Redd-Leif, his emotions carry through about what he is relating and one can see the captivated listeners.

Well done.

Redd-Leif's shoulders drooped and he put his face in his hands. When he looked up, he stared into the fire. "Melodica was barely conscious, but let out a plaintive, "No, no, no, my baby!' as I ran out of the cottage with her in my arms." Redd-Leif fell silent. When he spoke again, his voice was distant, as if he were speaking only to himself. "I can still hear the anguish in her voice." He shuddered. Then Redd-Leif rose, went to the wood pile and grabbed his cloak. He walked to the mouth of the cave, pausing with his back to the others. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Nature calls." Then he disappeared into the storm.


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2017
    Thank you for continuing to follow the story and for the kind comments about the writing. I appreciate the encouragement.
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Rainy River
a free verse


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy