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Reviews from
Beware Lonely Old Ladies


Telemarketer meets his match

  38 total reviews 
Comment by
TheWriteTeach
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This was hysterical, Shari. It hit home with me, too. My mother is 85 and bedridden. She absolutely loves telemarketers. She really gives them the business, and enjoys every second of it. She leads them on and on, making them think she's actually interested in whatever they are selling, before hanging up after fifteen minutes.

This was great dialogue. It was very believable. Not one word sounded forced or contrived. I felt as though I were listening in a private conversation. You kept the conversation quite interesting and because of that, this piece didn't drag or stall out. You wrote this in such a way that I didn't feel the need for descriptive dialogue to tell me what was going on or provide visuals. I was hooked from the very first line to the end. You gave this a funny twist to provide an excellent wrap up. Nice job with this piece.

I noticed a couple of things:

The good old days before cell phones, IPAD's[,] and computers? (need comma where indicated)

customers are now over one hundred.["] (need end quotes)

"Oh {god}, don't wish that (need capital G)

enough to see his flesh look[,] and feel[,] like alligator skin. (need commas where indicated)

What I need is a face[,] and a body[,] that would attract a "boy toy." (need commas)

Good luck in the contest. This will be a contender, for sure.

Suzanne


 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
    Sorry to be so long to reply. I decided to read up on commas in Elements of Style. Seeing the rule and reading their examples will make it stick in my mind. Promise.
    Hugs,
    Shari

reply by TheWriteTeach on 03-Aug-2017
    I have a piece called 'Comma Crazies' in my portfolio. It is the ten most common problems using commas. It is color coded and gives examples. Feel free to print it out and keep it handy! :o)

reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
    Thanks. I just did that. :-)
Comment by
patcelaw
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Shari, I love this dialogue only write. It was a pleasure to read. I must confess I am not that patient with the telemarketers, usually after about three nos I just end the call. Patricia


 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 01-Aug-2017
    I do too, Patricia, but something similar to this really happened to me. I was bored and couldn't resist. Besides that, I really don't want to live longer than the Lord intended. I hope it's not ninety.

reply by patcelaw on 01-Aug-2017
    I hope I won't live to ninety either, I am just over 10 years short though.
Comment by
Teri7
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lol Now this was just too cute and too funny! You used very good dialogue and very cute wording that made for great imagery. I had to laugh as I read it. Best wishes in the contest. Teri


 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
    Thanks so much for your encouragement, Teri.
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Sasha
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This is hysterical and definitely worth 6 stars, but you know the story, I am out. This has to be a winner or the contest is rigged. Absolutely a delight to read and got me laughing out loud immediately? You are a very funny lady!


 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 01-Aug-2017
    Thanks, Sasha. What a compliment about the contest. I like being funny. It makes living easier.
Comment by
mermaids
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I love it when the tables are turned on telemarketers. This is a great dialog and the senior lady has the upper hand. Excellent flow of dialog and very humorous. I wish you well in the contest.


 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 01-Aug-2017
    Thanks, mermaids. I hate ads for meds that want to make you live longer. It's like saying there's a cure for Alzheimer's.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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This speaks a seller came to sale live long health product to an old lady who being around seventy wanted to have a face of a forty year old with movie star looks with no heart problem, later she lady teased the seller; fun began; I liked.

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 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
    Thanks for the summary. You get it.
    Hugs,
    Shari
Comment by
lyenochka
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  Rank:  4
 

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Excellent
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Lol! Hilarious! That should be a model about how to handle these kinds of solicitation calls. I don't have a landline and so don't get these as much. My parents are afflicted by these calls daily and my Dad just ends up shouting at them. That's not the solution either.

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 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
    Tell Dad to lighten up. LOL.
    A tough job, for sure.
Comment by
Curly Girly
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a brilliant contest entry.
I reckon it might win.
A fun read, and one that we are all familiar with.

I liked this:
"What are you? Dr. Phil now? "
"What are you? Dr. Phil now?" / close space by speech mark.

Way to go, granny!

Nicole


 Comment Written 31-Jul-2017



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2017
    Thanks for the six, Curly, and the correction. Will check it out now.

    Shari
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