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Reviews from
wet dream


contest entry

  7 total reviews 
Comment by
Curly Girly
 
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This was funny, and a little sad.
Seriously, I had to read it again!
A patch of wet. A pool of piss.
A warm and comfy state of bliss...
This overwhelming comfort zone,
disrupted, by a nosey, telephone...
This one got my vote.


 Comment Written 06-Sep-2017


Comment by
Father Flaps
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Hi Trimp
Some humor in this one. I enjoyed it! I liked the double meaning of "wet dream". Do women have wet dreams...I wonder~
Such terrific imagery here, and with "Out Of Use" I loved this line, but don't tell my wife I was peeking:
"In haste, I pulled my panties tight
in vain to stem the flow, in spite
of a sudden gush as my bladder sighed--
'I think your sphincters' on the brink of suicide'..." (sphincter's/sphincter is)
and the finale too:
"A patch of wet. A pool of piss.
A warm and comfy state of bliss...
This overwhelming comfort zone,
disrupted, by a nosey, telephone..." ...(I'd lose the commas in the last line, and go with "nosy" instead of "nosey")

I noticed the meter was a bit shaky. Sometimes, I had to read a few words fast to fit them all in the same line. But I got used to it quick enough. After all, it's a fun poem and should be fun to read.
For example, in the last verse, if you used "phone" instead of "telephone", you'd have the correct meter for the entire verse.
In the verse before that one...
"A panic came. A panic went.
Now doubled up; my bladder bent...
I couldn't wait a moment more
the piddle heading downward; mopped the floor."
...you could easily repair it too.
(A panic came. A panic went.
Now doubled up, my bladder bent...
I couldn't wait a moment more
the pee-pee piddled t'ward the floor.)
Anyway, you get the idea.

I love your sense of humor! We need more poems like this one!

Hugs,
Kimbob






 Comment Written 02-Sep-2017


Comment by
l.raven
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HI Twilight, as I get older...I find a few more trips to the bathroom...LOL...I think there will be a lot on here that will relate...but won't say so...LOL...love your poem sweet girl...made me smile...very well written you...love ya Twosocks...xxoo


 Comment Written 31-Aug-2017


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Pantygynt
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#4 Ranked Novelist
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Oh the agony, the desperation and an extra "oh" for the imagery of it all. I felt for you -- not as a fellow sufferer from bladder problems, mine are called diverticulitis and affect the other part of the exhaust system, but the yearning, the agony and the ultimate relief are all well recognised and "out of use" is still the worst message in the world.


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2017


Comment by
DR DIP
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hehehe I love the way you write Trimple. There is a bit of humour in this one. Did this really happen to you. I remember when I had wet dreams once lol But they were a bit different. thanks for sharing Trimple

dip


 Comment Written 28-Aug-2017


Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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This speaks about a wet dream, expressed so realistically and lively, I enjoyed the rhymes and fantastic visual imagery, in a monologue pattern, still good narrative.


 Comment Written 28-Aug-2017


Comment by
Val Crisson
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This is hysterical, and I can totally relate as I have the bladder the size of a peanut. Which drives my husband CRAZY. I love the flow, humor, and the double meaning of "wet dream" I especially liked that the bathroom was "out of use" LOL Good one Val Crisson


 Comment Written 28-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
    Thank you, Val

    I'm so pleased to read that this gave you a chuckle :)

    These damned bladders get more and more tight fisted the older they get :)

    much love

    tracey
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