Raking Time
When the weather turns, leaves begin to fall..
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Reviews from
The Music of Stillness


reflection after a service

  56 total reviews 
Comment by
bsmath
 
 
Good
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Your poem is written in an entertaining language, but it is a little hard to understand what is supposed to be going on. It might do some good to write it using rhyme and meter, like a sonnet or limerick. I also liked the picture you chose.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
    I am being buried.
Comment by
Rhonni
 
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I appreciate the simplicity of this poem...you say much with very few words. It's message is beautiful and hopeful, even in death of our physical body, I believe it is then when we will truly find ourselves. Terrific write!


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
    Thank you, especially for understanding.
Comment by
Bichon
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  Rank:  131 (+1)
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  Rank:  34
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  Rank:  153
 
Excellent
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Gorgeous poem. It all flowed very neat and nicely. A very enjoyable read altogether. The photo of the buffalo is also adorable, the yellow background compliments it nicely.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
    Thank you. I appreciate it mostly because your reply has the ring of truth.
Comment by
RGstar
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Good to read from you again. I like to see things written through the eyes of the antagonist sometimes. You carried through with it well.
Good elaboration of what write stands for, through the eyes of an innocent...of which good imagery is created.
Bravo.
Have a great day, Victor.
RGstar


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 31-Aug-2017
    Same to you my friend, and thank you.
Comment by
krys123
 
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Cheers,VictorTouche;
-You had swaddled me and to peacefulness after reading this poem. I was taking by your unique inventiveness in the definitive descriptiveness that made up the imagery of this very well vividly expressive poem.
-Silence is very hard to measure, but it seems to your metaphorical creativity you are able to do such a thing.
-The bison in the picture is a peaceful resolution that captures the essence of peace and stillness as the bison grazes in fields of gold with just the wind to mesmerize the feelings of an open space.
-Thank you for sharing and take care and have a good one.
Alex
PS: I commend you on your choice of colors and presentation


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
    Thank you. You have taken in the essence of what I was feeling and what I tried to convey.

reply by krys123 on 01-Sep-2017
    You are very welcome, Victor.
    Alex
Comment by
Maria Jose Garcia
 
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Lovely rhythm. I like the short lines and the comparison between the wind and a rose.
Are you talking about your own funeral here? Maybe I'm totally mistaken...
Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
    Yes, my own burial. Thank you.
Comment by
kaymart
 
 
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I'm a little confused, but that could just be because I'm not a big writer of poetry--though I've written a few on here.

What I mean is you started out with three lines then dropped to two. It could just be me, but I'm baffled.

Other than that, it was a nice poem. The wording was pleasant enough. Not sure what it has to do with the photo... but again, that could just be me.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 30-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 30-Aug-2017
    Thank you. Read Dean Kuch's review or krys123.

reply by kaymart on 30-Aug-2017
    OK. Thanks for letting me know to do that.
Comment by
Judvan2
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I like the simplicity of your poem, It says so much in a few well said words. I see the picture you are painting. Good job, Great write. Great imagery, I feel like I can see the process. Judy


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
    Well Judy, I thank you. Yes, I purposefully kept the poem as I was feeling. Mostly feeling, little thought. It was hard enough to concentrate to write at all. My right henisphere was lit up and I was dying in nirvana. Such peace. One wonders why we fret at all. Life is a terminal illness. But perhaps without mortality we wouldn't feel so deeply. Doug
Comment by
Kerry Robinson
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This is a lovely poem, Doug. I love this line,
"The rain begins
to lay a sound..."
it's just such serene words.
I am sorry to hear of your friends son.
~Kerry


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
    Thank you, Kerry. I did, momentarily feel close to eternal peace. It's so strange to me, the right brain. I was almost unaware I was there. My conciousness seemed to want to simply dissipate. Oh the right side, so subconcious, so subliminal. I went in for 2 pieces of paper, then back to the cart. I no more sat down than it began to pour. Then let up a bit. I noticed I had accidently? parked the cart so no rain came in. Just face perfectly the storm. I left to go to bathroom quick, noticing the rain had stopped. Came back, no conscious thought, sat down, the rain started again immediately. Coincidence? Probably, but.... .

reply by Kerry Robinson on 29-Aug-2017
    Your welcome, thank goodness you didn't leave the cart running, could of ran you over, then you'd be at your own funeral, lol, sorry, didn't mean to make a joke of it. Sitting in the rain is so inspiring at times, just feeling nature on us.
Comment by
sunnilicious
 
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  Rank:  175
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Buffalo... Nice artwork choice. Simple and strong visual imagery created. Clearly written. Well thought out. Enjoyable to read. Good work. God bless you.


 Comment Written 29-Aug-2017



reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
    Thank you.

reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
    I looked at your profile. Slow down girl. Even your picture is you hyped. Goodness, let's keep you around a bit. LOL Doug
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