I really enjoyed your tanka, Trimple about the cicada lovers
quivering in the trees. What a lovely metaphor you used, and the words so well chosen to describe this orchestra of sound.
I really like the word, "hullabaloo", because on a summer night that is exactly what they sound like. Great job!
What a wonderful poem.
Which describes the journey of love with such vivid imagination.
The dramatic word play is fantastic which marries with your imagery brilliantly.
and a great picture to accompany
Lovemaking ,eh? I like the way you describe the heat of the moment,
"and what a hullabaloo!" ... is that foreplay?
I like the way you used Simon & Garfunkel's hit "the sound of silence" as the sigh.
One suggestion, I might use "quivers in the trees". What do you think?
You've got the correct syllable count for a tanka, 5-7-5-7-7.
Good Luck, my dear!
Comment Written 02-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
Thank you very much for your helpful review and special rating.
I see what you mean about 'quivers' and have edited accordingly.
Hi Twilight, some years back I went through one of their coming out parties...OMG...they were so loud...when you drove down the street...and places where there were trees was awful...and at night it drove you crazy...and then they were gone...I love your poem sweet girl...and a beautiful picture...the life of a cicada...very nicely written my sweet friend...love you...Twosocks...xxoo
thank you for sharing your entry in the tanka poetry contest. You have given us a great presentation and your words speak lovingly of the sound of the cicadas, but allude to the loveliness in the silence following their cacophony.