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Will you ever really understand?

  18 total reviews 
Comment by
kiwigirl2821
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Hi Tier.

This first stanza stands out for me. I was never one to chase anyone ever. I simply thought that if I said something the person I said it too would just believe. I've never been a liar and I don't give my heart easily. I mean I love people but to give my heart, nope only done it a couple of times. I gave it to my one marriage, but the cost has been too high and I'm not going to stay there. All the praying in the world won't change the way I feel about that, but chasing something new. Well not thank you. I met someone in here Bill Bishop and fell hard. He is genuine but hard on some issues too. He makes me accountable for being my own woman, but somehow I believe that it's what I need.

Your second stanza makes me feel so sad that you feel like you've lost the rhythm in your life. I don't actually believe you can Tier. You have a vibrancy for life that is not only encouraging but a beautiful thing to witness as an outsider. So hang in there and let beauty happen.

I do think we have to be our own reason for acting. It's bloody difficult but we are strong women and worth it! Keep that in mind when the tears find you as they will for all of us. Change hurts sometimes and it's hard to figure out why no one else seems to see that.

I have never lost a child so this is hard for me to make sense of my dear friend. Being used and verbally bashed to me is like dying and the closest I can get to this one. But people do care mate they truly do. I care honey and always will for such a miracle as yourself!

That next stanza I can see. I feel sometimes like I'm the entertainment when all I wanted to do in life is give my love to someone who could truly love me back good bad or otherwise cause we all make mistakes.

I do hope those next verses are not true for you sweetie as you will find your needs met. You just have to. Life is too bloody long to not be able to be yourself and have your needs be as important as any other.

This is a powerful and beautifully expressive write my friend. I've been gone for a while but I'm back so call if you need too. 0221344147. Anytime!

sending hugs and love xoxo deborah


 Comment Written 18-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 20-Sep-2017
    Hey Deborah: Oh that first stanza is not talking about chasing anyone but chasing a dream, chasing a better life, desires, etc...

    Yes, the second stanza is very sad because most of the time I do feel that way. The problem is though, that i am a strong woman but sometimes I just wish I could have that nervous breakdown so that i could have some time off from everything and everyone. "Lost that rhythm in that reach" I get tired of trying so hard because it is easier for me to just say, "Enough!" I get tired of reaching for the same things over and over. If my man can't meet me all the way, then it's just no use.

    Yes, that's where I am I need to be my own reason now, me and my children that I have left. It's got to be about me because I'm dying inside trying to be his reason or find reason to be his reason. I don't know if we can meet each other's needs. He knows what I want, need and expect but his needs are way more important to him. Here we are 10 years in and I am still going back and forth with the way i feel but really still feeling strongly that it's bot going to work.
Comment by
Brett Matthew West
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Like the way you personalized this poem by using your name "Tier" in places for "there".

Can see you were feeling strong emotions when you penned this piece.


 Comment Written 16-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 16-Sep-2017
    Thank you, Brett: I really appreciate you dropping in to review some of my work. Yes, I was really feeling a strong resentment to my husbands' stupidity. He can really piss me off sometimes and he is the inspiration for my angry poetry.(lol) There is a recent picture of us in the poem "The Darkness Within" I reviewed one of your posts this morning about obesity so I wanted you to see a recent photo of me. I will be looking into one of the procedures that you were discussing in that post. I am very interested in it. Thank you again.
Comment by
YNWA
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Hi Tier
What a powerfully worded poem, tightly stitched with heartfelt emotions that scream the anguish of need and with the visual pictures painted throughout which brings the emotive heart of your words together brilliantly.
Mitchell


 Comment Written 12-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
    Well, there you are, Mitchell:

    I wondered where you were but I realize that we all get very busy in life. I am happy to hear from you and so grateful for your supportive review and rating. I am looking forward to reading more of your exceptional poetry. I hope all is well with you and pray that you will always have good health and happiness. Much love...
Comment by
FxstsLisa
 
 
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Nice poem Tier! You know I think us women are stronger then men (mentally). Every man I've been with can act like a 'baby'. Even Don, who is the least likely out of all of them except when he gets sick or injured (and he's been in 2 motorcycle accidents). One accident he was down for a year, and the second 6 months (fun, fun). I think the problem with most relationships is COMMUNICATION (men and women differences). On the other hand, if you're too much alike things get boring. Another excellent poem, love it!


 Comment Written 11-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
    Thank you, my friend. As always I am so happy to hear from you and of course, I agree with every word that you say. Me and hubby are okay until he opens his mouth. It seems that our main problem is communication. We have been trying to talk more but as soon as he says anything that is verbally offensive to me I shut down and will not deal with him, at all. He must learn to deal with me lovingly at all times, otherwise he will not be dealing with me at all. He is determined to stay married and together anyway so I will have to try to continue to teach him how to act. He is loyal and won't cheat so in God's eyes as long as there is no adultery and the spouse wants to stay and make things work, no divorce. I am obligated to hang in this one for the long run. So I keep trying.

    Yeah and he is actually home from work until December. I will tell you about that one day soon.

    As usual, it is so great to speak with you. You are my special friend. I pray that all is good for you and stay good. Today I have a lot of paper work to complete but I will be catching up on some of my reading later in Fan Story. I will be looking forward to reviewing some of your work too. Much love...
Comment by
estory
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Super musical elements in this free verse capture this sense of reaching out and ending up in mid air, unsatisfied. I loved all the minimalist repetitions, those patterns of 'e' sounds in 'need' beating that rhythm in the tapestry of the language of this poem. It really creates that sense of going in circles, the frustrations of unmet needs and desires estory


 Comment Written 11-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
    Thank you, very much story: I am happy to hear from you and appreciate your encouraging feed back, as always. I look forward to reading more of your great works as well.

    I love the way you explain my poetry. You always nail it, completely. You get me and that is wonderful...
Comment by
2018 Novelist of the Year.
2017 Short Works and 2017 Script Writer of the Year.
Thomas Bowling
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This is excellent. Poetry doesn't need to rhyme. Your cadence is spot on, especially the repeated lines which add emphasis.

"but a pouring never really boring"

This is a great line. When I met Carol she said she would never be boring. If you've read the Tom and Carol stories you know that our life together has never bored. That's the way it should be. Love will last if you always find each other interesting.


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 12-Sep-2017
    Yes, Thomas, I love your Tom and Carol stories. You two are never boring and I wish that life was that wonderful with my hubby. Your Tom and Carol stories give me hope but we keep trying to keep things interesting and tolerable. He is learning to be a more communicable person, otherwise he gets the silent treatment. We are working on this communication thing. We do find each other interesting as we do - in the weirdest way, truly love each other. Some men, unfortunately have to be taught to be better people, but obviously this is not a problem that you have.

    Thank you so much for stopping in to review my work. I really appreciate it. Much love...
Comment by
Bucketlist
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The need to be valued , listened too and HEARD,,, is huge..I get that somehow you're waiting for someone else to fill your emotional void. I hear your anguish and pleas in your poems. That which you search, forgiveness and acceptance are found inside if not by others I think a lot of people who felt rejection as a child can relate.
Hugs, Trisha


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
    Good morning, my friend: It is good to hear from you this morning. This must mean that it is not so bad there in Florida so far. I was worried so i am relieved that you are okay. You are a dear friend to me so I can't help worrying. I still haven't heard from my family today and I have been up all night here at work. They usually start communicating on Group me but I know this does not mean anything because they said they would be turning off their cell phones.

    Thank you so much for your understanding of this poem. Yes, you picked right up on my inner child. There was a rejection or a lack of attention for me as I grew up. It is strange that you got that from this poem. You are indeed special to me my friend. Thank you for all of your support. May your day be safe and full of God's love and attention. Let me know that you are okay during the day. OK

reply by Bucketlist on 10-Sep-2017
    Yes I will. The worst is yet to come for SW Florida. I am in central so we will see..
    It's not strange that I pick up on your silent messages. There something called Maslow Hierarchy by which my intuition is felt. Been there, done a lot of self analysis, girlfriend !!!! Love ya

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
    Love ya too, girlfriend. Well on my way home now for meeting and ministry. We will talk later. I will PM you my #

reply by Bucketlist on 10-Sep-2017
    Good morning☂️☂️☂️🤞
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
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Tier, this is a strong poem about the struggle to fulfill one another's needs, finding them unmet, but continuing to "hold on," as you state in your notes. Your poem has many beautiful passages, such as this one which sings with its repetitions:

You will never understand my pain, or needs
because your needs always exceed my needs
and you keep needing me to seed your needs
so mines will never be that greed you feed your needs...

Your poem has the cadence and rhythm of rap poetry. It zigs and zags in a spoken word percussion of sounds:

crippled on one wing of hope,
anchored by that thing, that dope,
thought left in that rearview
while driving down that very lonely road
where it found my son and took him away...

and there's that needed tear again...

By the way, you misspelled rhythm as rythm.

As for the Rhyming Poetry contest, you might lose votes for not having a strict rhyming scheme, such as ABAB, even though you used rhymes throughout. Your poem is closer to being spoken word free verse than a rhymed poem. Truth be told, I enjoy your type of rhyme poetry more than the Mary-had-a-little-lamb poems I have read in this contest. Your poem is natural, organic, energetic, and original. You keep it real and personal.

Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success with you powerful entry.


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
    Hello, my dear friend, Andre (my Sis Cat) :

    First let me thank you for the correction - I corrected rhythm.

    You know what, Maria told me this morning that my poem was not rhyme-y enough and may be considered free verse. I couldn't understand what she meant by that because as we know I use a lot of rhymes in my poetry. Now I finally get it since you have explained it the way you did. I see a lot of that ABAB form in some of the poetry as a description of the poems. You have explained it as a strict rhyming scheme and I guess it helps with the beat of the poetry.

    This is the problem with my not going to school for writing. Poetry just comes natural for me. I simply write it the way I feel it or want to. I hear the poetry in my heart and it spills out on the pages. Also my poetry was given to me as I asked specifically for the ability to write poetry again. We are all gifted Poets but i know exactly what you mean. I think I will always prefer to write poetry the way I do, though.

    There are some forms that i may try, like the loop poem. That usually comes out so beautifully.

    I will always treasure what you said below:

    Truth be told, I enjoy your type of rhyme poetry more than the Mary-had-a-little-lamb poems I have read in this contest. Your poem is natural, organic, energetic, and original. You keep it real and personal.

    Thank you so much for your continued confidence and support of my work. I did not forget that i intend to post of video of my first oral reading. I will be reaching out to your suggestion as to which poem I should read as a first public read. I am sewing a glamorous red gown for this special evening. I will keep you updated.

reply by Sis Cat on 10-Sep-2017
    Yes, Tier, don't be discouraged. Although well-respected reviewers such as Maria state your poem is not rhyme-y enough, and it will likely lose the contest if it is not disqualified first, I still say that your free verse is some of the best poetry around on FanStory. Your poetry stands out as natural, raw, and musical. I look forward to you doing a public reading. You should be heard.

    Thanks again.

    Andre

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
    Thank you again, my dear...
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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Tier,
You did a great job--contest or not. Your lines flow smoothly with great emotion. You used excellent internal rhymes, too.

I can imagine you reading this aloud. There is so many strong statements & observations. Each verse is well thought out. I understand where this is coming from, too. I am glad you were able to work though it.

Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
    Thank you, Jan:

    I am so happy that you liked this poem. I realize now that it is not exactly what they meant for this contest but hey this is how I write my poetry. My style is my style.

    You are the fourth person who said that this poem could be read out loud. I am really finally leaning towards going out to finally do some oral and public readings of my poetry. I'll let you know when I do. Thank you so much for your review and rating. Much appreciated...
Comment by
Poetic Friend
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Wow, Tier, poetically, I think this is one of your best poems. The angst and frustration is felt in this emotive piece. I am so glad that this is not your present, and things are better in your marriage.

I LOVE your opening line. The repetition works well in expressing the essence of Tier.

You have many unique phrasing in this poem, which I love. To name a few:

I am
that tear never shed,

I am
that anger that needs to roar,
that anger that needs to soar,
but can't,
crippled on one wing of hope,
anchored by that thing, that dope,
thought left in that rearview
while driving down that very lonely road
where it found my son and took him away...

I still have another one of your poems to review. I plan to review soon. I have not forgotten it.


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2017



reply by the author on 10-Sep-2017
    Hey there, my friend:

    It's great to hear from you and I am happy that you found this poem. It is very special to me and yes, my marriage is very complicated. I mean, I love my husband but most of the time I just want to choke him to, you know what!

    I am trying to ignore his stupidities but he is always putting his foot or feet in his mouth. I am a stand uppy type of gal so it is not easy to ignore him. He is a narcissist and he is trying to work on his problems. The problem is that I reach my limit very quickly and then I just want out but I know that God does not want marriage to be this way so we keep trying. I'm not speaking to him tonight though because he put his foot in his mouth again and I'm not going to help him to get it out. He's on his own tonight.

    Thank you again for the compliments about this poem. I realize that it probably is not rhyme-y enough for the contest but i posted it anyway. It will just be another contest I did not win. Oh Well...

    I really appreciate your reviews and continued support. I am looking eagerly for your poetry as well. It is always so exceptional.
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