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111 total reviews
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Comment by
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| Great pictures and a good writer to choose for writing about Halloween. They match so perfectly. It rhymes and flows well too. Nice fact for a contest. Best wishes for it.
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Comment Written 01-Oct-2017 |
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Comment by
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| That was so good, Dean, Steven King would be so proud. It is fun, Halloween puts smiles on the children's faces, which in turn, keeps the real ghoulies away. They hate children that smile!! Superb contest entry, my friend. Good luck! :) sandra xx
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Comment Written 01-Oct-2017 |
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
 Rank: 61  (+1) | Author Rating For Short Works
 Rank: 37 | Author Rating For Novels
| Script Rating
 | Review Stars
 Rank: 74 | | | |
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Hi Deano
Wow! I really enjoyed your entry for the Halloween contest. You use personification on our special days of the year. Of course, Halloween is the star. Wonderful presentation, especially with the addition of the co-star, Stephen King. (Although, he's ruined the livelihood of thousands of clowns across our countries.)
I like the opening line,
"Easter and Christmas were chatting away"
and then a nice simile for Halloween, who we feel sorry for right off the bat:
"Poor Halloween, she just watched from afar,
feeling so lost, like a bug in a jar."
a tiny suggestion,
"She gave kids in Fall such great things to do." ...("kids in Fall" seems a bit awkward to me. What do you think of,
She gave trick-or-treaters such great things to do.)
Some nice alliteration in this line,
"Old graveyards and ghouls--gaunt ghosts are your thing."
I like the imagery in this line, Thanksgiving just having finished his huge turkey plate,
"Thanksgiving belched then soon started to snore." ... (but I think you should add a comma or semi-colon after "belched")
Cool rhyme here, patois noted, of course:
"ALL of us matter," she shouted in anger.
Stephen King watched from his Mansion in Bangor."
I found this line a bit awkward too,
"Here, put these on," the King of horror ordered." ... (can I suggest?
"Here, put these on," the Horror King ordered.)
Again with cool rhymes,
"Once the holidays had donned their disguises
they went trick -or- treating; joy spread like a virus." ...(would this be any better?
Once all of the holidays donned their disguises
they went trick-or-treating, joy spreading like viruses.)
I like the parallel of Halloween (cheer) and Christmas (cheer) in your closing verse. It almost makes you want to declare, "God Bless Us, everyone!"
Well done!!
Thanks for sharing with us.
cheers,
Kimbob
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Comment Written 01-Oct-2017 |
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