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Reviews from
Demons, Heroes and Fortune Cookies


Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Gift"

A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.

  31 total reviews 
Comment by
Rosemary Everson1
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  Rank:  391 (+3)
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  Rank:  80
 
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I'll continue reading your story. Like the plot you have. There is a correction: (Green Lantern lantern) lantern is listed twice. Thought I'd let you know. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 24-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 24-Oct-2019
    Yes. Green Lantern is a superhero who uses a lantern as a super powered instrument to fight evil. The boy used a lantern (a collectible toy) of the Green Lantern so he could read his comic book under his bed on that dark, stormy night. Comic Book fans will understand this humor.

    Thank you for that catch.

reply by Rosemary Everson1 on 24-Oct-2019
    I actually read the chapters of your story prior. I like the story.
Comment by
K. R. Ward
 
 
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The way you wrote the piece really speaks to your intelligence, but I think you're over thinking this piece just a bit. Maybe people in your life have told you they couldn't follow it, so you tried to thoroughly explain it, and you ended up slowing down your plot.

The plot is creepy and cool and interesting, and I swear we can follow it. So trust yourself. Edit down some of the sentences that over explain things like: there's no telling which of the two he had, and opportunity or a tragedy. Use short sentences to increase the suspense. Make sure your characters voice is the star of the show, not impressive word choice.

I can't wait to see how this ends!


 Comment Written 04-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
    I agree. It appealed to many, and it did catch a few who viewed it differently. It's a touch balance. The change in tense was deliberate for a personal reason that, until the end of the novel, will provide the reason behind it. Great catch!
Comment by
ciliverde
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  Rank:  647
 
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I noticed that you changed tense from past to present when he moves into the other side of the shadows. Not sure if that was deliberate or not, but it seems like it was and it does work. The story seems to have been left on quite a cliffhanger, which it must be as it's a chapter in a book. I don't like the thought of that cauldron and the little baby sister...yes, it is a horror story contest entry! Good luck...
Carol


 Comment Written 03-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
    Thank you for the kind rating and review. Very insightful. Yes, the change in tense was deliberate in that I cannot reveal as to why at the moment. However, it was purposeful based on a personal note. Great catch and thank you again.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  68
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  Rank:  177
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  Rank:  40
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
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I like the story and I think it's a good entry for the contest.I only have one problem. half way through the story, you suddenly change from past tense to present tense. You have to write in one or the other. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
    The change in tense was deliberate. However, it can't be revealed until completing the book. Thank you for the kind review and great catch!
Comment by
Neonewman
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I enjoyed the flow this piece offered as I have not read any of the previous chapters. I did enjoy the excitement that comes from suspense, you have delivered my friend.
God bless
Steve


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
    Thank you. I appreciate both your time and review!

reply by Neonewman on 07-Nov-2018
    My pleasure
Comment by
nassus1957
 
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The author is so effective in injecting fear and suspense in this story. The story progressed smoothly from the beginning to the end. The ending aroused the interest of the readers to ask for more in the next post. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
    Awesome! Thank you for taking the time to provide a positive and kind review.
Comment by
pbomar1115
 
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Eu El came about with a new found powers much like, in my mind, powers of maturity but something different. And as he adapts to this new feeling, the witch, the person I surmise it to be, acknowledges his presence. Creepy, at the lease, I'll say.

Phillip


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018



reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
    Thank you for taking the time to provide me with a kind review. Hope you are able to read the other chapters.
Comment by
SLMorrical
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This is awesome. I really liked it. It flows well, and was easy to follow. This was well written and I can't see any need of improvement. The shadows of the night can show us many things. Well done. Keep writing.


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018



reply by the author on 31-Oct-2018
    Thank you for your review and comment. I'm glad it was able to appeal to you :) Happy Halloween!

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2018
    Thank you for your review and comment. I'm glad it was able to appeal to you :) Happy Halloween!
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  99
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 Rank:  4
 

#7 Ranked Poet

#4 Ranked Reviewer
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A very well-written intense and frightening Halloween story that makes my neckhair stand up while reading. When small children are used by evil forces are always a very bad situation,


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018



reply by the author on 31-Oct-2018
    Thank you! I'm thrilled to know it was able to react to you in that Halloween style! :) Happy Halloween!

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2018
    Thank you! I'm thrilled to know it was able to react to you in that Halloween style! :) Happy Halloween!
Comment by
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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  Rank:  101
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  Rank:  1
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 Rank:  20
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
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What a place to stop! I hope she isn't going to do what I think she is. This is an eerie nightmare, at least I hope it's going to be a nightmare in this story, and an excellent contest entry. You certainly laid the trail for something dreadful all along the corridor. Well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018



reply by the author on 31-Oct-2018
    Awesome! Thank you for you insightful comment and rating. I hope you can take time to venture into chapter three to find out how it all ends. Happy Halloween!

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2018
    Awesome! Thank you for you insightful comment and rating. I hope you can take time to venture into chapter three to find out how it all ends. Happy Halloween!
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