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Reviews from
No Thanks to the Ache and the Angst


When we need a new start from a broken heart

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
Poetic Friend
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  Rank:  21
Review Stars
  Rank:  199
 
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Yep, there is a lot of sadness, aches and angst in this poem, Tier. Who's better to tell than you? The melancholy oozes from your stanzas. The reader feels the pain and actually can't forget it. I love the scattered and internal rhymes, Tier.

Thank you for telling me about this poem. Otherwise, I would have surely missed it.

Enjoy the remainder of your weekend.


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 16-Oct-2017
    Thank you so much Poetic. It's always great to hear from yoy. Thank you for the review.
Comment by
YNWA
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Tier, emotionally, this was frightening, the fast beat of your pulse shone like sun on a winters day, the tone of your voice is angry and sorrowful which receives empathy from the reader married with an upbeat meter and a sprinkling of rhymes it all gives a real connection to reality.
There are a few parts which could be tided up to make it sound/ flow better;
Maybe something like....

Causes me to wrestle with my mentality and levels of insanity.

That day you promised to keep me, even though you knew I wasn't needy or greedy.

The rips and the tears they're just not fair.

Nothing major just a few little tweaks.......but that's my opinion .....I wouldn't be able to write anything close to this level of sad love poem.

Mitchell hugs x


 Comment Written 14-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 17-Oct-2017
    Good morning, my friend: I will definitely look at this poem for the appropriate changes. It does sound better the way you suggested. I will go back after some reading of my message box. Thank you so much for reviewing this piece and I really appreciate your loyal support of my work. I see that you have posted recently so I will be checking out your wonderful poem, this morning. You will be hearing from me soon. Much love.
Comment by
DR DIP
 
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Wow I so recognize this style of one of my favourite rap poets You are the queen of angst and sorrowfulness in your words I love the way you write no set structure or form but from the heart be it ever so bitter sometimes.
Thanks for sharing

dip



 Comment Written 14-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
    Thank you for reading it. I was actually surprised that it did so poorly in that contest. I only got two votes and one of them was my own. Thank you so much for your loyal support and compliments.
Comment by
kathleenspalding
 
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Great job capturing that range of emotions, Tier! Strong and cleverly worded with great internal rhymes and so many great one-liners!
Just checking, because punctuation in poetry is not my forte, but it all seems to be punctuated like prose, so it that's what you intend -

but now you have left me in hoping and groping,(did you want a comma or period?)

so go with your date, I hope she's your fate. (comma splice - can use a semicolon or period or dash instead of the comma)
That's it. Great poem! Good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 13-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
    Thank you, Kathleen. It's great to hear from you. I appreciate the help. I will go back to make the changes.

reply by kathleenspalding on 14-Oct-2017
    You're welcome. Good to be back. :-)
Comment by
Irish Rain
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Poet Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  126
 
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Quite lovely. Who needs the aches, angst and hate, right? If he wasn't the one, then the one is yet to come. So, you're so much better off. He might not be though!! Lovely, blessings...


 Comment Written 13-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 14-Oct-2017
    Thank you. This poem was just for the contest and I wrote the poem with a very close friend in mind. She has this problem. Thank you again.

reply by Irish Rain on 14-Oct-2017
    It's beautiful.
Comment by
Meia (MESAYERS)
 
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  Rank:  535
 
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Wonderful, what a write and I recognise the fresh and fabulous style, this is sad, and yet utterly wonderful. I love it and it deserves to win kind regards Meia xx


 Comment Written 13-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
    I could never hide my style from you. Thank you so much, my friend. You are so wonderfully a true friend and a beautiful soul. I love you.
Comment by
kiwigirl2821
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  Rank:  325
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Well Sister when you say it like it is then pow! It is a riveting portrayal of heartbreak, anger, restitution, did I say future pay back? lol Lost love, new love, disrespect, and simple loss. Your style and words take a reader from disbelief to unbelief and back again. You use direct and concentrated imagery and emotion to get your point across and this reader was mesmerized from first word to last. I have personal experience of what you speak of here and damn! I can sting! xoxo deborah


 Comment Written 12-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
    Yes, you can. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this poem. I really appreciate the six star review. I really appreciate all the kind words and encouragement.
Comment by
2018 Short Works Writer of the Year
Mustang Patty
 
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Dear Anonymous Poet;
thank you for sharing your entry in the 'Write a sad love poem' contest. Your words flow well, and the tale told within the lines is indeed sad.

Good luck in the contest,

~patty~


 Comment Written 12-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
    Thank you so much for your review and kind words.
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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 Rank:  3
 

#1 Ranked Poet!

#3 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
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The heart can carry a lot of rain and when it is truly broken, it always learns to love again. We have all suffered heart break and it can completely destroy your resolve and rip out your confidence, but in time it will mend, a heartfelt write and I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 12-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
    Thank you so much, Dolly for your review and kind words.
Comment by
Bucketlist
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Thiis IS free style. It's a good entry for the 'sad' contest. Free style means anything goes - writer's choice of style.
Poetry RHYMING HAS TO BE AT THE END OF sentences. Your poetry often rhymes within sentences.
Hope this helps.


 Comment Written 12-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 13-Oct-2017
    Yes, you definitely have shown me the difference between free style and rhyming poems. I really appreciate this. I also appreciate that you took the time to read my poem. Thank you again.

reply by Bucketlist on 13-Oct-2017
    You?re very welcome,I?m glad if I helped. Hugs, Trisha
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