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Reviews from
Autumn Concerto


Dance Of the Leaves

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
 
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 Rank:  133
 
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This is lovely and eloquent. Fine imagery, tone and pacing. Fine rhymes. Fine flow. Fine presentation.


Good use of alliteration and other phonetic devices.


I did not like, however, the use of repeated verbs and adverbs in these two sections:

1)

Summer's warm lips now turn to cold
as Autumn's kiss turns green to gold

Using turn and turns weakens the voicing, IMHO. Suggest considering using synonyms. For example, shifts would fit in well in line two, especially with its assonance I and consonant S. Example:


Summer's warm lips now turn to cold
as Autumn's kiss shifts green to gold

2)

Colors softly fall from trees
pirouetting in the breeze
Clouds float softly by
as they dance across the sky


Using SOFTLY twice in a row weakens that stanza. Consider replacing the first one with gently or the second one with delicately (or any synonym). Some alternative ideas:


Clouds float gently by
as they dance across the sky


Clouds float sweetly by
in a delicate dance across the sky


Love the personification in the closing stanza. The gerund in line two is non-grammatical:

The golden rays of the setting sun
holding hands with coming night


Suggest:

hold hand with coming night

or are holding (but that is not the best voicing)



Lovely closing note:
The leaves aground in radiant splendor
As the ballad of the night ensues



Lovely work - could use minor tweaks and fine tuning.

Enjoyed. I adore the title, too!

Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 30-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 01-Dec-2017
    Thank you for stopping by and for your helpful comments. Stop by again

reply by rama devi on 01-Dec-2017
    :-)))
Comment by
Mark Schardine
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  Rank:  72
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  Rank:  236
 
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Poets who celebrate nature must have a keen eye for the details, and express common phenomena in way exceptional ways. Autumn days are short, but we treasure every minute, and the night offers its own beauty.


 Comment Written 30-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
    Twice in a day. thanks double LOL. stop by again
Comment by
Colette
 
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Hi Fastdigits, I run short on comments to relay my impressions of your beautiful poetry and you dear Fastdigits, compose beautiful poetry and Never Never run short on words and ideas.
I have not renewed my subscription because I have nothing to offer but I can reassure you and the other members.
Hope your son is doing well.
Kind regards,
Colette


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
    Ah, my Irish friend, you write better than half the people on this site. Hope all is well with you. Keep in touch
Comment by
BeasPeas
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  Rank:  340
 
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This is an interesting poem. The first two stanzas have an aabb rhyme and the third doesn't rhyme at all and could be considered free verse. The first two focus on summer and fall and the third seems to tie the two together. I think this is nicely composed and an enjoyable read. Marilyn


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2017
    Thank you for stopping by and for your gracious comments. Stop by again
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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  Rank:  28
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  Rank:  9
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 Rank:  5
 

#9 Ranked Author

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Excellent
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A very well-written poem about Autumn and the influence it has on us when we seecyhe changes happening right in front of our eyes, making us a part of the process.


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
    Thank you for stopping by and for your gracious comments. Stop by again
Comment by
LateBloomer
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  458
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello fastdigits, This poem is just lovely and filled with glorious imagery. I especially liked the first two lines of each verse:

Summer's warm lips now turn to cold
as Autumn's kiss turns green to gold

(Nice)

Also:
Colors softly fall from trees
pirouetting in the breeze

(Fantastic imagery and good word usage of pirouetting)

And:
The golden rays of the setting sun
holding hands with coming night

(Creative imagery)

And so ...
The night and the day almost kiss
as their hands briefly touch
for only a golden moment in time

... and that's all she wrote.

Beautiful complementary artwork choice. Sporadic rhyming.
A timely poem. A pleasure to read. Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBoomer






 Comment Written 25-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
    As always, nice of you to visit, and then to spice up my day, those beautiful stars that light up the carpet of golden leaves in the midnight mist. thank you
Comment by
2016 Novelist Of The Year
Jacqueline M Franklin
 
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Hi, Fastdigits

= Beautifully descriptive of Autumn and its colors--the clouds--suns rays.
= Very well penned and presented with gorgeous artwork.

Cheers, J (*<*)
= A Smile Is A Frown Upside Town =
Have a good day/evening!


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
    Thank you for stopping by and for your gracious comments. Stop by again
Comment by
Irish Rain
Level 4 Pro
 
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  Rank:  137
 
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This is just beautiful. I especially like how the setting sun holds hands with the coming night. How original is that!? A wonderful autumn poem, pure pleasure!! Blessings...


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
    Thank you for stopping by and for your gracious comments. Stop by again
Comment by
Sharon Haiste
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  Rank:  90
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  Rank:  33
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  Rank:  108
 
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I like it. Very descriptive and colorful.

it has a good rhythm although I'm not sure why you rhymed the first two parts but not the last.

Very nice.

Good luck in your contest.

Sharon


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
    Thank you for stopping by and for your gracious comments. Stop by again
Comment by
clsandau
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This is a very well written poem about Autumn's beautiful changeover. Your descriptions are great and the poem is really quite peaceful, fitting for this lovely season. Perfect picture to go with it as well. Carol


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2017



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017
    Thank you for stopping by and for your gracious comments. Stop by again
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