Fanning The Flame
Keep the light alive
Pays: 10 points.
52 member cents
Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 2 Days

Free Verse Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 3 Days

Horror Writing Contest
Deadline: In 5 Days

Four Line Poem
Deadline: Jan 25th

20 Line Poem
Deadline: Jan 27th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Three Additional Illusion Crashers


Bring Up the Lights: The Show's Over

  27 total reviews 
Comment by
--Turtle.
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  168
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hey, Jay...

I read through this chapter of the illusion crashers, read it before, years ago, and I enjoyed it all again. The analogy and examples still bring me great joy as I relate to the pain of seeing them, and recalling all the times I may have seen them before, maybe in my own writing ... maybe in reviewing others, but never really have the words, or confidence, to call it out. Sometimes these types of flaws are sensed more then seen.

Sad to me when I find a gramatically fine piece that feels all wrong, but can't find the words to say... hey, you're interjecting backstory... you're telling the whole tale, or worst of all in my eyes, the characters are looking AT me while speaking... like a bad soap-opera.

What I appreciate and love about this post...
Your voice and personality and keen patience in taking complicated concepts and laying them across the table in an understandable way. Yes, this is standing on the 'as a reviewer' I look for this, but in order to even broach the conversation, the understanding has to be there.

It's very easy to correct missing (or too many commas) ... or maybe a clunky sentence here and there, But how does a reviewer (or a writer) even come to terms with the reality crashers you address here, if they only sense... yuck ... but not really a foundation of why they feel distanced from the story at hand?

speaking of comma's...

Sometimes this is necessary to increase the pace of the narrative and to move the story from one physical place to another or back (or I suppose forward)[,] in time.
(Not sure this comma is needed)

unwelcome "someone else" to the story.
(I really loved the example for this crasher. Delightful to watch Mary and Mark's exchange, to then feel the intrusion. Very well done, in the extreme to help illuminate the point)

who secured a management position at the local Taco Bell.
(Ha, the amount of pure wit and personality, humor, and clear goal between the samples is really a treat to behold. I remember enjoying the examples here quite a bit when I read this a long time ago. Still do, on revisiting.)

"Our daughter's all grown up and going off to college."
(Oh, the woes of Expository dialogue. This is by far my favorite part of this section. I can only hope someone will bop me over the head if my dialogue gets expository.)



 Comment Written 06-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    You make posting these so worthwhile, Turtle. Especially when you read it on the first go-round and still find their validity. Once again, you are worthy of a thumbs up!
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Jay, I always begin reading your critter essays by holding my breath as long as I could because I do not even want the activity of breathing to get in the way of my focus, but, alas, I must read and breath.

I had a great and informative time in this chapter about "author intrusion" and strategies to avoid it. One thing you accomplished was that you voiced what I had intuited but for which I had lacked the words. You use language and metaphors I can grasp such as The Thoroughfare vs. the Surface Streets.

This is another phrase I understood The Character "psssssst". I recalled many examples that I have encountered this in my readings.

I pulled out key lines that resonated with me:

My main concern here is the transition into and away from dialogue. It can be a distraction, an illusion crasher, unless handled adroitly.

The reader needs to be part of the unfolding present action of the plot.

I ask no more from the writer than to have the incantation of his words on the page so thoroughly engage me I am oblivious to the tape and staples and glue that hold all the parts together.

I'm forced outside the story; I've become merely an eavesdropper!

"Didn't you feel gaggingly set-up?" Yes.

You conclude with these words that sum up the journey the reader wants from a writer:

Above all, the reader wants to fully engage his own brain and his own heart, to let both resonate with the thoughts and feelings of those characters who are let loose in their own created world.

This is an informative essay whose lessons I could put to work in my writing and critting.

Thank yo for sharing.





 Comment Written 02-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 02-Dec-2017
    Andre, I can always count on your crits to validate the effort I put into developing the concepts. You make me feel it is all worthwhile. We are in a new month, I can't think of a better way to recognize your keen judgment than to award you one of those thumb-thingies. Bless you, friend.

reply by Sis Cat on 03-Dec-2017
    Thanks, Jay, I appreciate it.
Comment by
F. Wehr3
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Nice work, Jay! I hope I haven't crossed the line into being a lazy writer, lol. I'll have to take a look and see. Hope all is well with you.

Take care,
Russell


 Comment Written 29-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 29-Nov-2017
    You, least of all, would be guilty of lazy writing, Russell. Thanks for taking a look at this.
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  24
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  9 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  10
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  9
 

#9 Ranked Author

#10 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I actually wrote a huge and brilliant review of this piece and it all went into the ether. I remarked that the 'Is there someone else...Yes, the author' to describe author intrusion really sets the idea in stone for me.
Also, having the reader 'oblivious to the paper and staples' is a concept to keep in mind whenever trying to create a meaningful moment.You make this so clear and amusing.
Bringing a story element up through the back door of recall makes sense, especially as I attempt to rewrite a novel I'm inverting go begin in the middle.
I think that trying to get the whole story told quickly is one of my main problems. I guess I fear that the reader will lose interest before I get to what I think is what would interest them.
Your instruction is amazing and keeps me reading it with a smile.


 Comment Written 28-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
    I admire your work so much, Bill, that, when I get such a glowing compliment from you, I'm humbled. It shows I must be doing something right.

    I don't know whether or not you'd be interested, but I'm going to be offering a free newsletter in a month or so. It will be specifically directed to writers and contain short articles and shorter "tips", along with quotes from established writers. I hope it translates to a viable forum for subscribers to bounce thoughts and ideas off each other.

    In the meanwhile, thanks so much for your kindness and the generosity contained in your six lovely stars.
Comment by
gene roush
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Man, do I feel stupid.
You do a great job of laying out examples. Had I taken composition class, I might have listened to that literary agent . I now understand what her editor was trying to tell me. I feel like I owe you tuition.
Thanks Gene


 Comment Written 28-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
    When I receive such high compliments from someone whose writing I respect so, Gene, I feel I am doing something right. Thank you for that, and for emphasizing it so beautifully with a six!

    You might be interested in a free newsletter I'm going to be offering in a month or so. It will be specifically directed to writers and contain short articles and shorter "tips", along with quotes from established writers. I hope it translates to a viable forum for subscribers to bounce thoughts and ideas off each other. Let me know ....
Comment by
write hand blue
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Jay, I've read this a couple of times and can appreciate the wisdom in your words. The problem for me is to find the alternative, the showing without telling that I have come to learn is so important.

You have gone to a lot of trouble to present this advice and it's most appreciated.

~Mel~


 Comment Written 28-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
    The problem is when the writer doesn't allow that the reader's mind is at work picking up writer's CLUES, then working to resolve them to a meaningful understanding of the WRITER'S intention. The problem occurs when the writer tries to force-feed meaning to the reader. It's a fine line. The writer gives too much meaning (force-feeds), the reader is unconsciously offended--the connection is lost; the writer gives too little meaning, the "connection" is ONLY in the writer's mind. (He is left to be the only one to know his IDEAL story-line, since it remains in his solitary mind.)

    Thank you for your kindness, Mel. The six is appreciated!
Comment by
Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  272
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is terrific information, Jay , and appreciated I'm sure by everyone who reads it. I'm nervous now that I will be making those mistakes you pointed out. I found the differences quite subtle and will be more on the lookout in future, Giddy


 Comment Written 27-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 28-Nov-2017
    Thank you, Giddy. I've read enough of your posts to know this wasn't written for you. But thanks for your kind compliments
Comment by
dracofelsinensis
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
An enjoyable read by itself which is also full of useful material for those of us inexpert at story-telling (or should that be story-showing?) The introduction/ summary (in blue) is very worthwhile for anyone who didn't read the earlier chapters (e.g. me!)

Your examples are funny and had me smiling. (1) ""Is there someone else?" Mark asked. Yes, Mark, there is someone else! It's the author." (2) "... all she could think of was [Psssst--Psssst--Psssssssst!] that night, ..." (3) "... You fought him off." She sniffed. "I know how hard it was for you, Mary ...." "Would you like some dessert, dear?"

I'm sure many will appreciate the advice " ... to look for dialogue in which one character says to another what is already known by both."

This was great and I look forward to more chapters. Thanks for your wisdom.


 Comment Written 27-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 27-Nov-2017
    Thank you so much for your kind words and your six star rating. I'm happy you found it useful. You may be interested in a free writers' newsletter I'll be posting in a few months. Let me know so I can add your name to my list.

    Jay
Comment by
krprice
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent post.

You do a great job of boiling things down to the point, showing what the writer should or shouldn't do.

If you haven't read The Ten Percent Solution: Self Editing for the Modern Writer, you might do so and put that information into an essay.

Karlene


 Comment Written 27-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 27-Nov-2017
    Oh, my dear, you don't remember my taking you up on your recommendation over a year ago? I can't do without it for my final edit--thanks to you.

reply by krprice on 27-Nov-2017
    No, I don't remember, but my memory has more holes in it than a pound of Swiss cheese. Glad it has helped you.

    Karlene
Comment by
frierajac
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I have read through the beginning part of this and found it helpful and interesting even down to the handle, crit. So, I will save it although I haven't done fiction like this and don't go there much. If I do I am sure it will come in handy


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2017



reply by the author on 27-Nov-2017
    What a kind review, Frierajac! Its good to know you are leaving this as a resource for possible later use when you don't write fiction much now. Thank you for the compliment.
  -1-  2 3  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Essentially Nonessential
Grocery workers are nonessential


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy