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Reviews from
Dodie Drains the Swamp


a crown of heroic sonnets

  33 total reviews 
Comment by
l.raven
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  Rank:  170
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
OMG Sweeter Than Sweet, now you know why I say the best of the best...I had to stop a few times to breathe....this should have ten stars or more....all the work that went into it...I look at our world today...I see the bad and I see the good...I try to believe that the good will someday prevail...peace will show it's beautiful side...I pray...sooooooooo very well written angel...love the rhythm and the rhyme...love your poem...love to you ...Linda xxoo


 Comment Written 23-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much dear sweet Linda. I truly do enjoy my Dodie Bird character even though she is a crusty old broad. I guess that's what happens when you live for 350 years and the only one of your kind around. lol.

    Love you always my friend,

    Gloria

reply by l.raven on 05-Jan-2018
    you are always so welcome Gloria...I love your poetry...you do have a talent girl...love you always as well...Linda xxoo
Comment by
RandyWelch
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
My sweet kind hearted Gloria, it's a Saturday morning, I've got my first cup of java I'm actually going to be able to timely enjoy and a very creative piece of work before me to read.
How did you do this, taking the ugly truth of tyrants spewing and making it into a fairytale a child can reward us with big glowing eyes, giving full attention and wonder in return.
Many terms used I recognize simply because I've lived over five decades and nearing my sixth.
The fifth is wearing on me, I don't bend as easily anymore, I feel sluggish in the mornings, maybe I need to switch to expresso haha, I really enjoy your creativity, your ability to make this old novice search for new canvas, look deeper into and see where it takes me, what does exist beneath the surface, is there a brighter path just around the next corner, we don't k ow unless we take the effort to look, and the voice shared compels us to do so with our hearts well as our minds so our souls can soar more freely.
Always with heart and deep admiration.
R


 Comment Written 23-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 27-Dec-2017
    Thank you so much Randy for such a lovely review. You still have many years to look forward to so perhaps those stretches will need to stretch farther, further? I still get confused which one of those two words is distance. lol. I look forward to reading more of your work over the coming year, yes there are brighter days ahead.

    Happy New Year to you dear friend. So good to see you again. :))

    Gloria
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I'm wordless after reading such brilliant poetry...and your notes. Superb rhymes, meter, metaphors, similes, Alliteration ... you bring all those poetic devices together into an easy to read (and smile) crown. I totally enjoyed your sonnets, Gloria, and this deserves more than a sixth gold star. Any plans on submitting this for publication? It's truly brilliant.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)


 Comment Written 17-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
    Thank you so much for an exceptional rating and great review, Karyn. Dodie seemed like the perfect character to deliver this particular conspiracy theory and it fits perfectly with the rest of her zany writes. Always appreciate you and Merry Christmas if I don't see you before then. :))


    Gloria
Comment by
GWinterwin
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow this was quite a poem about Dodie draining the swamp. Your notes were quite a read in themselves. Scary to think about all this if there is any truth in it all. Conspiracy and lies of all kinds seem to be what prevails here. Great job my friend, God bless.


 Comment Written 14-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 15-Dec-2017
    Thank you so much dear friend George for a lovely review. Yes, some fantastic conspiracy theories abound these days. You are always a wonderful and generous man and most appreciated. :))

    Gloria
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  221 (+1)
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  Rank:  72
 

#10 Ranked Author
Excellent
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It takes a genius to put all this nonsense together and turn it into poetry. I like the repetition of the sonnet's last line as the first line of the next 'chapter'.
The plot is easy to follow and some of the statements rang close to the truth:

Illuminati billionaires were bored
Of placing bets on armadillo games
In secret they began a chilly war
To dominate the world with evil aims

Some lines made me think of Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky.

A Great Spaghetti Monster snatched my hat
And moonbats, wingnuts, crackpots gathered round...

Finally, your fantasy reached toward the beliefs of metaphysics:

And light will be retrieved from wicked fools

It's scientifically approved to work
To drain a swamp that's full of crocs and snakes
It wipes the stain of dogma's handiwork

I should have reviewed this when I had a sixer. You need to send it to a poetry contest.
Just swirl this gizmo in the boggy lakes


 Comment Written 14-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 14-Dec-2017
    Thank Shari. It has been a real challenge figuring out what millions and millions of people believe which is the polar opposite of what I believe, but I guess that's the place we're in right now. All these images are from movies, books and video games for me but certainly not the nuts and bolts of the struggle of daily living. Many thanks for a fantastic review.

    Always appreciated,

    Gloria
Comment by
Ricky1024
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  Rank:  191 (+1)
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  Rank:  150
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  Rank:  15
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  Rank:  301
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Doodle dreams Hawkins well-written deeper than rich and semen imagery is red well flowed well had no grammar issues objective content Grace object of content descriptive measures were in place with this well-written story thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
    Thanks Ricky. :)) Always great to hear from you.

    Cheers,

    Gloria
Comment by
frierajac
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
It is a very interesting poem and I will reread it. The concept of The New World Order as it pertains to politics looks like it is covered in the author's notes. It is the kind of conversation inspiration that could go on and on with different rationalizations and variations, and it is made to share.


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
    Thanks Carolyn for an exceptional rating. I find the mysteries of the real earth magnificent as they are. But they've created this almost video game type world, that very much reminds me of the Nintendo game, The Legend of Zelda and a lot of the imagery is the same. Dodie is a character that would fit in that game very well.

    Many thanks for a lovely review.

    Gloria

reply by frierajac on 13-Dec-2017
    thank you again, Carolyn
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  75
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 Rank:  159
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is immensely original! Superb satire! Superb context and delivery! Flawless meter and great rhymes and tons fo fine phonetics too (too many to note). Highly witty and entertaining. I especially enjoyed;

And I had just awoken from my nap
Was heading for the fridge to snag a snack
When Sponge Brain Square Pants tweeted out some crap
To tell me of the dastardly attack

AND


I cleaned my guns and filled my bandolier
With 8 track cartridges of Grateful Dead

I used to travel around Grateful Dead shows in my nineteenth summer (etc.)


LOVE THESE RHYMES:

Then stalwart, upward like a shooting star
I headed off to find the secret grove
Bohemia's satanic abattoir
That lurked inside the shadows of our trove

Stroke of genius humor here (and fantastic F-filled alliteration):


Their fearful, anxious, fake-filled history
Had seriously messed with my commute

Creatively voiced:

Freemasonry in Rome, the Barbican
daVinci code conspiracies and moats
Had sent the true north of my talisman
Into the Twilight Zone of talking goats

Hilarious:
A manifesto written by a hack
Said reptiles had replaced the human race

HA HA HA:
My crap detector's needle hit high speed

Superb unique and fantastic poetic fun to read aloud:

A Great Spaghetti Monster snatched my hat
And moonbats, wingnuts, crackpots gathered round
They twirled their fingers, bellies jiggled fat
I told them of the future's battleground

Brilliant line:
It wipes the stain of dogma's handiwork


Hilarious:
Defiant to my face, the zombies clapped.

LOL:

The Goldman Sack caught blowing his own horn
Was vanquished in the frozen past of ice


Suggestions:


Oh, Granny Dodie(,) tell me of the time


Okay, but after this(,) you go to sleep
(')Cause morning's coming soon, with chores to do

*
sent heavy-hitting chieftans in pursuit

chieftains

*
By night(,) when I had finally hit the trails

*
And(,) with each chime(,) the water's edges froze

*
Republicons and war hawks(') hair was shorn



*

The place we live is fertile and fecund

nice line, but I think the scansion may be forced on the word fecund (to my ear)

*
Oh, Granny Dodie(,) tell me of the time

My only other critique is that I think the poem would be a smoother read if you use caps like sentence style (only at the start of sentences and on proper nouns) since there is no end-line punctuation to show where lines have enjambment or not. Just my two cents. Using caps on all lines is also acceptable.


This is a phenomenal write - so creative and witty and unique! Worthy of a six.

I'm always amazed to hear people denying climate change - the most urgent and relevant-to-all-life issue of our age (and any age, actually)...


Love the golden rule line, the integrity line, and so many lines! chuckled at Goldman Sack and your coinage: Republicons

This is a masterful, genius-laced write!

Warmest Smiles,
rd


 Comment Written 12-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
    Wholy dynamite, RD. What a fantastic review. I will be using all of your suggestions and you are going to get a thumbs up vote for the ROM because you really go the extra mile and then another extra mile.

    Merci beaucoup mon ami,

    Gloria

reply by rama devi on 18-Dec-2017
    Merci Beaucoup, mon ami, for your gracious and and enthusiastic response! Yay! Your poem went an extra mile too - LOL!

    And I giggled seeing my typo below--NAD instead of AND. I do type too fast! Ha ha!

    Love and hugs,
    rd
Comment by
BOO ghost
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Sonnets! Oh, my. Where is BOO's blue bonnet. Author notes informative. A ton to read here. The rhymes rhyme nicely. Lot of sonnets. BOO's favorite sonnet: "Behold a Pale Horse" galloped through the dales
I knew the weaving spiders had been there
Their webs enclosed the shells of giant snails
I ran among them into muggy air

A Great Spaghetti Monster snatched my hat
And moonbats, wingnuts, crackpots gathered round
They twirled their fingers, bellies jiggled fat
I told them of the future's battleground

The fattest of them all dug in his purse
And found a handy swamp removal tool
So don't hold back! This will reverse the curse
And light will be retrieved from wicked fools

It's scientifically approved to work
To drain a swamp that's full of crocs and snakes
It wipes the stain of dogma's handiwork
Just swirl this gizmo in the boggy lakes

He handed me the disc and rope-a-dope
I tucked beneath my wing his song of hope
Was a very hard choice. BOO usually only writes prose. I am no pro.
BOO-tastic!


 Comment Written 12-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
    Thank you so much. Dodie has a very particular vernacular, and she's not hifalutin with her use of the language, but she is most wise indeed. :))

    Always great to hear from you friend, Boo!

    Cheers,

    Gloria

reply by BOO ghost on 12-Dec-2017
    Never know when the ghost will show up. You write great stuff~ Happy holidays!BOO~ compai
Comment by
RGstar
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I had to juggle between 5 and six here, for you have put so much work into this which deserves a six star for that alone, yet, I want to be true to my views, as I said to Dolly with her last write on Scrooge....also rhymed.

It is very difficult to write rhymed poems (quatrain) with the rhyme repeating as it does...as with its length, the end rhyme takes over, where I like to see the rhyme secondary and the many body takes command. As one builds in reading, the rhythm takes over, and one may find they begin to read faster with the rhythm of rhyme evident, so what should be enjoyment suddenly turns into a work, in which the mind absorbs the workload, rather than flowing with it.

This does not take away the brilliant ability in which you dedicate excellent writing to, just the ability of the reader to focus and the mind not to get set in routine. You used a more modern language here as well the subject matter.

Because of the subject matter, I think, could have been even better in free verse. That would have taken the edge away from the aura of rhyme and freed the mind to sink into the work without the rhyme taking its quota because of length...as well the strong Elizabethan context that usually acomapny the sonnet. Yes it is a crown of sonnets, and no requirement to type of language, but remember these were mostly written in colourful Elizabethan language so I think what happens here it does not have that rich Elizabethan language and aura that would detract from the rhyme. Thus the rhyme becomes focused as the language more modern.

However...impressive through characters and tale.

Splendid work,and perhaps only me that find it difficult in appreciating the rhyme when might be better off without because of length. I once started a whole book, got halfway and realized I had made a mistake...it was written in rhyme. because I wanted to achieve what none other had done....now I know why they did not. I stopped 2 years work. Started what I am doing now. I promise you, I have looked into rhyme at length.

A brilliant job here, just not sure rhymed quatrains were the answer for something this long. The Sestina Sonnet does not rhyme but much the same way.


My best wishes.
RG



 Comment Written 12-Dec-2017



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
    Thanks for a wonderful review, RG. Always appreciate your thoughts. :))

    Cheers,

    Gloria
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