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Reviews from
The Talk


A serious father-son talk

  12 total reviews 
Comment by
Joy Graham
I think in ink
Write on!
 
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- you have a stray set of quotation marks sitting under the picture. Better lasso them babies in before they cause a stampede :)

- I just spied a second set of stray quotation marks before the last sentence.

- "Super Bowll" - Bowl

This is a fun story. Great dialogue. Excellent to point out the age issue and statutory rape.

Joy xx


 Comment Written 02-Feb-2018



reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
    Great eye. Thanks so much for the read and review.
Comment by
giraffmang
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Hi Ingrid,

This is a talk that should happen more and more. I have a daughter and if I catch anyone near her, they'll be begging for prosecution... It's not ideal chatter either of changing times. I was in my twenties before I had sex and they were older than me...lol

I think this one will do well in the competition. It's on pint and very topical.

Did she now? Seriously, Jerry, what the hell do you know about love?"
" - needs opening speech marks here and delete the set from what should be the clear line.

The game ;s started." - game's.

I'll bet you five bucks the Eagles play the Pats at the Super Bowl."
" - delete the speech marks form the clear line here.

All the best
G


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2018



reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
    You're very kind, Gareth. I appreciate the alerts.
Comment by
prettybluebirds
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An excellent and funny story, my friend. It should do great in the contest. I love these dialogue only contests. I didn't spot any errors so best of luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2018



reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
    Thanks so much.
Comment by
apky
 
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A great dialogue only that flowed magnificent and that's a great fun to read. I really enjoyed the talk between father and son; a younger generation and an older one.

Excellen, and I wish you good luck with the contest.

Relax, Dad,.This is the 21st century, you know.. ~ delete one of the full stops /periods.

I thought this was boys(ad- ')(delete-;) night.

The game(game's)(delete- ;) started.

(add ")I'll bet you five bucks the Eagles play the Pats at the Super Bowl."


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2018



reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
    I thank you for the alerts. The added quotation marks you suggest is a bone of contention for me. My understanding is that when the speaker is the same, but it's a new paragraph, opeing quote marks not necessary in 2nd paragraph. What's your take on the grammar rule?

reply by apky on 01-Feb-2018
    What I learnt is that in such a case, you leave out the close quote, but begin the next paragraph with an open quote.
    At least that's how I do mine.

reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
Comment by
mkflood
 
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you know whats funny. my grandfather just turned 18 when he married my grandmother at 14. they were married for 75 years. now todays standards they would arrested the 18 year old and ruin his life by treating him as a criminal. and the 14 year would be treated by a psychologist with all kinds of victims issue. so the moral of the story is prior before the year 2000 all humans were animals and criminals. we dont know damn thing. anyone after that time are the righteous human beings. yeah..sure..right..wink. this poster i did was for an ad on a sports art contest and its cool to see it is used for a story. thanks for selecting my work and great job overall...MKFlood


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2018



reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
    There are a surprising few posts about football on the site. Thanks for making it available.

    I admire the work two people have done in a long-term marriage. It is rare these days as our roles have blurred and the world has become complicated. But, it's good to hear success stories. Thanks for sharing.

reply by mkflood on 02-Feb-2018
    Football? Heck I have several drawings available to writers here on fanstory. I'm probably one of few artist who played football in high school. Did many posters. Wink
Comment by
Sasha
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Sasha
 
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Very nice work with this Dialogue only entry. I find them hard to do but you make it look so easy. Not only is this on an important subject, you do a great job with it too. I wish you all the best in this contest. I hope you eyesight is not giving you too much trouble. I get my glasses in a few weeks and hopefully, will be back to normal once again.


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2018



reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
    If glasses can work then you will soon forget you have an assistant perched onn your nose very quickly. They can be fashion statement too. Thanks for the review.
Comment by
ExperiencingLiphe
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I almost dated someone when I was 17 and he was older but we didn't have sex because of the age thing. By the time I was legal we were pretty much done. He respected me enough to know not to. If it's true love it'll survive the test of time. And I will finish by saying the Patriots better win


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
    Think of all those chicken wings and the poor fowl who sacridice themselves for a sport. LOL. Thanks.
Comment by
2016 and 2018 Script Write Of The Year
judiverse
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#5 Ranked Author

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
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It's a brand-new ball game, and I'm not referring to football. The word has come down that having underage sex with an girl can get a guy in serious trouble. Maybe they should have mentioned that in the sex ed class. Dad in this instance waited a bit late to explain the legal facts of life to his son. Sonny could face a lawsuit if her parents decided to pursue it. Used to be girls were eligible for marriage at 14, but no longer. In your story, neither the boy or the girl has given any thought to consequences. Excellent story and it does raise questions. The girl in this case also needs a talking to. Girls are expected to have a job, do things, and not just be tied down to marriage and family. judi


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
    It used to be a mindset that guys were after only one thing, and the girls' responsibility was to say no and control the guy. I suspect the responsibility to say no will be two-sided from here on. Thanks.

reply by judiverse on 31-Jan-2018
    You're welcome. I think you're right. attitudes are changing. If the schools teach sex ed, I hope they also teach responsibility and possible legal consequences of their actions. judi
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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#3 Ranked Novelist
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Hi there, great dialogue only entry for the contest. A heavy subject the two of them were on, and not an easy one might ad. Quite a put down that 'the game' wins over any relationship in the end.
Sax-ed is that slang for sex-ed?
I liked this story a lot. Good luck. Ulla;)))


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
    Sex-3d is short for sex education, part of the curriculum in schools where I live starting at age ten. Thanks.
Comment by
robyn corum
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Hey, girl...

Weird. I get the impression that you were in a big hurry to get this post up? It is filled with nits -- and that is totally unlike your typical fare.

The story-line is fine, though a bit shallow. I think you also need a flag for language.

Other notes:
1.) We take (sex)-ed in school.

2.) (")Did she now? Seriously, Jerry

3.) thought this was (boys') night.

4.) they'll make it to the (Superbowl) again?"

5.) talking about girls lik(no space)e a slab of meat."

Hope this helps - good luck in the contest!




This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
    What can I say? I'm falling apart. Thanks for the apart. Thank you. .
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