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Deadline: Apr 28th

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Reviews from
Broken Lives


A woman is devastated when her man leaves.

  8 total reviews 
Comment by
dragonpoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  215
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  67
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a well contained story about a sudden break up. Ralph sounds like a selfish man to leave his family destitute and possibly homeless in order to have an affair.
Who knows if the new relationship will last. Is the man leaving her bedroom her brother? The picture kind of looks like she is having and affair also.

Keep writing

Joan


 Comment Written 20-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
    No, dragonpoet! That is her husband who is leaving her. Thanks for stars. Contest ended about 2 months, ago, and, of course, I lost again, as usual, because I didn't have enough votes from people. CHECK out my other writings! thanks liberty justice

reply by dragonpoet on 23-Jun-2018
    Don't mention it, Liberty I have lost every contest I entered too. I just enter them now because I think more people read the contest entries than regular posts and I like trying different forms.

    Joan
Comment by
Cindy McIntyre
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A well-written account of a story that many people must face. I had a sister who was in this situation. This is a great entry for the contest. I wish you lots of luck!


 Comment Written 06-May-2018



reply by the author on 06-May-2018
    Thanks but contest ended weeks ago and I lost as usual. Not enough votes. Liberty justice
Comment by
Sugarray77
Melissa
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  13
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  43
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You have written a poignant and heart wrenching tale about betrayal. I would mention that you didn't introduce the person with narrative voice. It would have been nice to place them in context. Thanks.


 Comment Written 25-Apr-2018



reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
    Thanks Sugarray77 great review and stars.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  13
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This speaks a tragic story, Ralph left Jill with two little girls in a hotel room, for he had found someone new, heart broke Jill lived isolated; well said, well done. DR ALCREATOR


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2018



reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
    Thanks Alcreator for compassionate review and excellent rating.
Comment by
Sharon Haiste
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I think this is a good entry for the 'What Happened' writing prompt.
Your story is clear and well told.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2018



reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
    Thanks so much, Sharon for wishing me good luck in contest, today, and great stars.
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 4 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  21
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  175
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi there,

Breakups can be tough, especially when you don't see them coming.

Tomorrow, we will look for you a house or an apartment to rent - this is a little oddly expressed. Maybe something like 'tomorrow we'll look for a house or apartment for you to rent.'

"But, how the heck are we going to do that," Jill yelled? - it may be better to put the question mark inside the speech marks.

"Don't worry, Jill. I will loan you the money, and you can pay me back whenever you just pick up the pieces of your life!"

"Why did Ralph leave, Jill? What really went wrong?" - this could all be part of the same dialogue.

Technically for each new paragraph in dialogue it should have a corresponding opening set of speech marks with only one closing set at the very end.

All the best
GMG


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2018



reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
    Ok thanks so much for editing and review.
Comment by
jenintorre
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  143 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  103
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a very compelling story about a very common occurence. I hope your friend has managed to move on. I have been there so I can relate. I wish you good luck in the competition. Jen.


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2018



reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
    Thanks, Jen for lovely stars and for wishing me good luck in the contest, today. Thanks for sharing!
Comment by
Alexander Vasa
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello, good writing for the 'what happened' prompt, and best of luck with this well-written entry. I thought your story was obviously very sad, and I notice you have written it for a friend. I hope she's moved on, and your comments suggest, she has. I noticed no errors and have no suggestion for making your story better.

Thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2018



reply by the author on 24-Apr-2018
    Thanks so much, Anastasia, for your comments and lovely stars!
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