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Reviews from
Mezuzah


A Crown of Heroic Sonnets

  37 total reviews 
Comment by
Alex Burchill
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a wonderful poem! The timeline structure is unique. I enjoyed learning about this Jewish tradition. It's very clever and funny! Flow and rhyme is terrific! Thank you! I enjoyed it!


 Comment Written 08-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 09-Mar-2019
    It is very good of you to have waded through this long piece when there is no longer any money on it.

    Needless to say I am most grateful for your complimentary review and thrilled that you found it so enjoyable.

    Thank you.
Comment by
Randa Dayle
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wow! That was super amazing. I am impressed, at first I wondered if this was a personal story, and then the humor at the end was just perfect! Thanks for sharing!


 Comment Written 20-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 21-Feb-2019
    Good grief! This is a blast from the past. you must have been back tracking through my portfolio. No harm in that. I was just surprised that anyone should bother, and with such a mosnster as a croqwn of heroics. Thank you very much and I am so glad you enjoyed it so much.
Comment by
JosieL
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is an exceptional piece. You use your rhythm to your advantage and the poem is a smooth read. I enjoyed the ending and the humor. I can see why you are an accomplished writer.


 Comment Written 04-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 05-Jun-2018
    You are most kind. Thank you for wading through this monster and reviewing it.
Comment by
DragonSkulls
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  47
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  25
Review Stars
  Rank:  511
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Ha ha ha. Excellent piece you have penned here, Jim. All this knowledge leading up to a joke, lol. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it. The only thing that slightly threw me off was the continuation of a sentences going into the next stanza. Once I saw what was going on it was smooth sailing from there. Great flow and iambic meter, friend. Hilarious ending. Best of luck in the voting. Have a good one.

Ron


 Comment Written 31-May-2018



reply by the author on 31-May-2018
    They call it enjambment. It happens frequently from one line to another but can occur between stanzas. While there is some truth that a stanza in poetry is the equivalent of a paragraph in prose it is not a precise parallel. Pleased you got the joke -- not everyone did. Thanks forr qwading through it all.

reply by DragonSkulls on 31-May-2018
    Any time, Jim. You're fightin' for top place so far. My dumb piece is dead last. No one likes my crap. What the heck? Lol. Have a good one. Catch you next time.

reply by the author on 31-May-2018
    Oh! Thanks for telling me, and for the good wishes.
Comment by
Liz O'Neill
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  42
Review Stars
  Rank:  172
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is very fascinating how you kept the reverence and draw the reader in, be they Jew, Christian or other. This is a very poignant story told from the heart. So many emotions, pride, joy, sadness, horror, memories, bitter-sweet, letting go, surprise, pride, joy, sorrow and horror and mystery. This is brilliantly written. I voted for you.


 Comment Written 31-May-2018



reply by the author on 31-May-2018
    Thank you so much, both for this review, the amazing grading and your vote. I am deeply indebted.
Comment by
lightink
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  420
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is delightful, Jim! It's both dramatic and funny.
I might be too sensitive but the twist at the end - seemed both comical and pretty tragic to me. It certainly caught me off guard.
Something about keeping the Mezuzah was very moving - and yes, what's a lucky charm for one person, might be sweat and blood for another...
Just recently, shoppers found similar messages in a big fashion company's clothing - coming from Chinese workers who weren't paid.

I think you created a very human atmoshpere, a rural charm describing the house, the deal and the people. The end was surprising and thought provoking. The sonnets linked well, The only one spot that I wasn't fully happy with is starting a sonnet with 'but'. Of course one can get away with such in a crown.

Otherwise it's an awesome piece. It's a joy to read!


 Comment Written 30-May-2018



reply by the author on 31-May-2018
    Thank you for this fine review, and for the wonderful crop of stars. There definitely is something tragic underlying the humour of the story and I am glad that this came across for you. It somehow relates to the whole of the Jewish Diaspora in a kind of indefinite way. I agree with you about the "but" and then the previous sonnet #2 began with a conjunction "and" as well. That is the almost inevitable result of having to repeat the last line of the previous sonnet. In this one in most cases the speaker is musing over the previous sonnet's ending which I considered to be one way round the problem.
Comment by
w.j.debi
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  97 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  14
Review Stars
  Rank:  48
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I wish I had a six for this. You tell an intriguing story and the twist at the end was unexpected. I admire the way you accomplish the meter and form while keeping the story engaging and flowing smoothly.
Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 26-May-2018



reply by the author on 27-May-2018
    Many thanks for wading through this lengthy diatribe, and having a high opinion of it into the bargain. I am pleased you enjoyed it.
Comment by
nancyrabbrose
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  297 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  186
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. I am Jewish and as delighted to see a poem about a mezuzah. The surprise ending is funny, but I was wanting something a little more poignant. I feel the poem expresses acceptance.


 Comment Written 24-May-2018



reply by the author on 25-May-2018
    Thank you so much for reading this and reviewing it. It is great to have reviews from Jews on this one, and when a Jew can come up with a six star grading for it then I feel I must have got it about right. When I began the poem I had no idea if it was going to work. I have done these crowns before but this is the first time I have used it as a conversation. I am pleased to say it has gone down very well with reviewers. Thank you again.
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
Premier Author
Some people dre...
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hahahaha...
You were right, Jim, I did indeed enjoy this.
Very much, in fact.
Quite an undertaking but you have pulled off both the telling of the old Jewish joke as well as this amazing heroic crown of sonnets admirably.
I have enough difficulty writing just one sonnet and getting it right.
But seven!?!
Have mercy!
~Dean


 Comment Written 22-May-2018



reply by the author on 23-May-2018
    The more you do the easier they get. Many thanks for reviewing and the plethora of stars.

reply by Dean Kuch on 23-May-2018
    My pleasure as always, Jim.
    Cheers!
    ~Dean
Comment by
MercurySeven
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Oh the irony! Twisted but delicious irony - as soon as I'd finished, I went back and re-read the opening stanza, which really brought it home (so to speak). What I like most about this sonnet cycle is its easygoing, conversational tone that seems to blithely glide across lines and stanzas and sonnets on its way to the clever punchline. Unlike this particular "klaf", your words are comfortable in their shell - the form barely seemed to constrict the flow. I like that. It made this sonnet crown a pleasure to read.

This is one of my favourite parts - it sets the tone early on, and makes the reader feel like he's right there in the room with the (slightly dotty but likeable) speaker:

"My life already! I go rambling on!
You like the place? Make me an offer, yes?
It matters not to me that you aren't one
of us, for Jew or gentile, both I guess

"need house and home. Can we agree a price,
and shake hands on the deal? That would be nice."

A brilliant write and a fine achievement. Not many can write sonnet crowns and wreaths, even fewer can write them well, and fewer still can make them seem this effortless. Bravo!


 Comment Written 22-May-2018



reply by the author on 23-May-2018
    Thank you for this enthusiastic review. I think it is that word "already" in that kind of contest that does it. Like giving it a comic Jewish tag. At least I hope it is. That is why I put it there.
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