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Reviews from
Looking for Lea


a mother's anguish -- 483 words

  39 total reviews 
Comment by
Joseph Registrato
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
writing clear and concise, no trouble understanding the narrative. Anybody who thinks that's an easy task hasn't read enough student fiction. Here, no problem at all. The mom can't forget her daughter's death. Very simple. character + conflict equals plot. I can see it right there. First thing that came to my mind when reading this was Flannery O'Connor's commentary. (You know Flannery, another southern writer), "Dig deeper." You have this woman who can't get over her daughter's death. What killed her? Was her mother somehow to blame? What's with the needle marks? Lots of things might make this a more complete survey of the character's inner workings.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 18-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 24-Apr-2020
    Joseph, thanks so much for this kind commentary. I had actually forgotten about this story entirely. *smile* I re-read it and decided I kinda like it the way it is. The point of the story is a mom who tries to deal with grief the wrong way. The other stuff an insightful reader can figure out. Thank you!
Comment by
Joan E.
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  41
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  22
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Your storytelling was captivating and I did not anticipate the provocative conclusion. Adding the Brother Michael character made for more intrigue. Well done and congratulations on your well-deserved win. Big cheers- Joan


 Comment Written 23-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
    Thank you, Joan. A big (happy) surprise!!
Comment by
ShirleyT1
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is such an awesome flash fiction story! You captured my attention from the beginning, and I never saw the ending coming. It's heartbreaking but so well written!

Congrats on the win! Well-deserving.


 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
    Thank you so much!
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  45
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  15 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  36
Script Rating
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  10
 

#3 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
There's a lot of backstory that plays out without the need of words here. The divorced husband (likely over the death and aftermath), deeply faith based and strong family instincts that cut both ways. The self-medicating that blurs reality, but never changes it. Powerful and heart-wrenching story.


 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
    Thanks so much, Bill!!
Comment by
evilynne
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow, that is a great short story! Congratulations - It certainly deserved the win. It is well written, very touching, and the ending is certainly a surprise. Evi


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
    Thank you, Evi. I have to be honest. I haven't seen any others in the competition and when I was notified that I won, I wondered if mine was the only entry!! hahaha! I've never won a site contest before. *smile*
Comment by
country ranch writer
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  222
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  81
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  106
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Loss of a child or any. Loved one makes people craw into a drug induced state. They can not accept their death as a final good by blaming themselves for not being a better parent


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
    I hate to admit you're probably right. We just have to blame ourselves, don't we? So sad.

    Thanks for reading!

reply by country ranch writer on 25-Jun-2018
    Hqugs
Comment by
Mark Valentine
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  112 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  14
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  152
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Having seen that this won, I had to go back and read it - don't know how I missed it the first time around. Wow! A Six +++ (alas, I gave you my last one earlier today).

This is powerful and original (As Gomer Pyle would say - Go-oolly!).

Seriously, the way you put the reader inside the mind of someone who is reliving a moment of the past, because accepting the reality is too hard is brilliant! You've got the reader wondering "Why aren't they calling the police?" and then you explain the why in a great twist ending. Of course this was the winner - one of the best I've read!


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    HUZZAH!!!!

    Thank you, Mark. You make me happpeee!
Comment by
RFL
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The way you wove the story is masterful -- starting off with what appears to be kidnapped or runaway child through Maggie reaching out to her ex, and then to going to see the preacher but not phoning the police. I really did not think that Lea was dead until Maggie did not want to go down the path that the preacher urged. I have no recommendations for enhancement. Great read! Rona


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Yay!!!! Thank you so much!!
Comment by
kathleenspalding
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Congratulations on your well deserved win on this excellent story that completely works! I see nothing that needs to be corrected or changed, and I was close to tears with the church scene. Great job!


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thank you, Kathleen. That means the world!!

reply by kathleenspalding on 22-Jun-2018
    My pleasure!
Comment by
Contests
 
 

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.


 Comment Written 21-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
    Thank you!
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