King Wise
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Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Missing Riders


Chapter 4 Footprints contest entry

  14 total reviews 
Comment by
2020 Recognized Writer of the Year
lyenochka
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  11
Script Rating
  Rank:  6
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  2
 

#2 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Poet

#6 Ranked Script Writer

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I am jumping into this mid-stream so I don't know what really happened before. I do like your characters and their names like Amira (Princess) and Silvanus (he's probably from the forest?) and there seems to be some revelation about Amira's special powers coming up.


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 30-Jun-2018
    This contest has been running since April so I'm not sure if anyone will pick up the next chapter or not. I do appreciate you taking time to read this rather long chapter and you kind comments. Have a great weekend.
    Debi
Comment by
Swampfox1
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
full of action and it held my interest from beginning to end, quite a splendid story it is and I did not find any errors. It was an edge of the seat thing when the horses returned without riders. Thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful weekend

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 30-Jun-2018
    Thank you for the encouraging comments, especially your reaction to the horse returning. You have a wonderful weekend as well.

reply by Swampfox1 on 30-Jun-2018
    you're welcome
Comment by
Henry King
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is part of an excellent story has three scenes. The first scene is in a stable. The Lord is asking a stable hand where his daughter and her companion went. While the dialog was taking place, the daughter's and companion's horses return rider less with a note from saying the daughter is in the hands of her mother. The next scene the Lord and his guard search the area where his daughter was captured. The mother is Queen of the Lilliputians. The next scene has the daughter awakening from being drugged by the arrows of the Queens minions. The Queen is forcing the daughter to speak to her by magical means. This part ends. Well done.


The dialog seems forced, not natural, in some places. The stable hand's dialog with the lord is interrupted by his thinking to himself. This makes the paragraphs overly long. The daughter, apparently has never met her mother. She knows her mother's visage only through a small painting. There needs to be more anger shown by the girl who is powerful in the realm.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 30-Jun-2018
    Thank you for the synopsis of the chapter and the suggestions for improvement. I appreciate you dropping in to read and review. Feel free to write the next chapter. We need at least two more and preferably three other writers to continue to the story.

reply by Henry King on 30-Jun-2018
    Thank you for the invite. I have two dragon tales and an adventure story I have been working on. They and classwork take up a lot of my time.
Comment by
rspoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  34
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  111
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello W. J. DEBI
I have not read previous chapters, but this is a superb addition,
beautifully written with spot on dialogue.
The mystique, mystery and fantasy are all maintained
and propel the story forward. I wanted to turn the page and read on.
The conversation between mother and daughter will be interesting
Expertly written
Robert


 Comment Written 29-Jun-2018



reply by the author on 30-Jun-2018
    Hi Robert,
    Thank you so much for the generous stars and comments. You are too kind.
    I saw this poor contest has been languishing since April and decided to jump in. I'm not sure there will ever be enough interest to even get it to the voting stage. We will see what the next person does with it.
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King Wise
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