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Reviews from
Broken


story poem

  25 total reviews 
Comment by
LefthandedScribe
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Both the photo and your last line gave me a chill. I would not change one word of this. You are incredibly adept at style and the flow to your story is pitch perfect.


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Thank you, Shauna. I appreciate your time to review and comment. Kind regards

reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Thank you, Shauna. I appreciate your time to review and comment. Kind regards
Comment by
Eternal Muse
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Oh, Tracy, this almost made me cry. The system would't allow it to give it a six for some reason, but this is a 10 poem.

The pain of this girl reverberated with me and reached my very core. I so understand the emotion and sense of loss.

Brilliant lines, these:

And the unicorn trapped on a leaflet
takes her mind off the sterilized room,
as she buries herself, like a secret,
in the walls of a bleak afternoon.

The sun should come out for this girl - there are dark clouds in our lives, but the sun always come in the end.

Wonderfully expressed.


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Thank you, Yelena

    I do hope to see you back writing again, my friend. The site isn't the same without you, our wonderful sonneteer!

reply by Eternal Muse on 04-Aug-2018
    I will probably be back in a year. Have been here for 12 years - I deserve a sabbatical (smile).

    Write on, my talented friend.
Comment by
phaedra
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Good luck in the contest. Since I received a private message about an author I am a fan of I know who wrote this.
I found the writing to be "Bitter Sweet". Since good old FanStor is giving me posting fits. Here I go again.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
    Hiya, Phaedra :)

    Thank you so much for your review and starage :)
Comment by
Mrs. KT
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  10
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  79
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  88
 

#10 Ranked Poet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello Mystery Writer!
Absolutely masterful.
A moving story in a poem that exudes keen visual and emotive imagery. Well-paced, but not overly sentimental.
Kudos!

Diane


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
    Thank you so much for your encouraging review and galaxy of stars. Most appreciated indeed.

    kind reagrds
Comment by
karenina
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  109
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  157
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
THIS is exquisite. Your rhyme and meter are meticulously fine...the story shared pierced my heart in sadness and captured my interest from first verse to last. Your phrasing is unique, original and inspiring. Bravo!

Karenina


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Good afternoon, Karenina

    Thank you very much indeed for your review and special rating.

    Very much appreciated

    kind regards

    trimple


reply by karenina on 31-Jul-2018
    Good day to you as well! Hope it's treating you grand! Blessings--Karenina
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  45
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  15
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  36
Script Rating
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  10
 

#3 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This sad story poem, Broken, is well-crafted as you weave the images of outside play with the reality of a dying child. Terms like "autumn is saddled", "mare on her pillow; as still...", "unicorn trapped on a leaflet", "books full of last lullabies", and "her crayons fall asleep", develop nicely this super sad scene. I see the final line as a transition from dying to beginning a spirit existence, as the rocking horse creaks. Really enjoyed this excellent poem.


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Good afternoon, Bill

    Thank you for your review and comments and special rating.

    kind regards

    trimple
Comment by
IndigoLady
Premier Author
Lily & the Rose
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Excellent! This poem is beautiful in that it conveys sorrow of losing a child but not maudlin, rather wrapped in the beautiful imagery and language you chose. I love it. My own entry pales in comparison. Of course the rhyme and cadence are very good and it reads smoothly.


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Thank you so much. Indigo. Much appreciated, my friend.
Comment by
Angela Hayes
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Good read, educational, interesting, well presented, professionally done, good colour combination, pleasant and comforting to read, tells a good story and flows,
creative use of words, creative way of thinking, carefree and consistent.

Good Luck!


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Thank you , Angela. Much appreciated.

reply by Angela Hayes on 27-Jul-2018
    You're welcome!
Comment by
dragonpoet
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  99
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  70
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This poem almost made me cry. It surely fits the prompt well. It tells for the daydreams of a dying child riding the horse on her pillow and and pain of her
parents waiting for her last breath and finally the grief and emptiness after
the death.

This should do well in the contest.

Keep writing

dragonpoet


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Thank you so much Dragonpoet.

    Much appreciated.

reply by dragonpoet on 27-Jul-2018
    No problem.

    dp
Comment by
Alexander Vasa
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello, I wish I had a six-star rating to give this work. So sad but very beautifully written with a lot of feeling and your rhymes were so unforced. I love rocking horses and have one that my parents bought me when I was younger. It is going to be in my child's room.

It is heartbreaking to have a sick child. I can't imagine the grief, but I did get the impression that the poem was about something like that. A great entry for ht competition ad best of luck, cheers, Ana.


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Thank you very much Anastasia.
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