Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

True Story Flash
Deadline: Tomorrow!

5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 6 Days

Minute
Deadline: Jun 14th

Share Your Story
Deadline: Jun 16th

Four Line Poem
Deadline: Jun 20th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Life's a lottery...


75 word flash fiction

  13 total reviews 
Comment by
phaedra
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Well here I go again trying to post my comment on the work. This remind es me so very much of the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus A women would understand this completely and a "Mam" would think you were (Bat Shit Crazy)


 Comment Written 01-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
    LOL thank you Phaedra :)
Comment by
Jeffrey L. Michaux
Jeff Michaux
Williamsburg
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  27
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  29
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is really cute and I like how you've presented this. It initially looks like a lucky family has struck it rich. Perhaps that's the case, but, it's told from the pooches point of view. Excellent! I like it and enjoyed reading this well written poem. Well done Trimple!


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Thank you, Jeffrey
Comment by
Father Flaps
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  193
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  253
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
That was a twist, Trimp. These guys are dogs!
Terrific flash fiction, and much luck in the contest.
I buy lottery tickets every week. But the most I've had is 4 numbers out of six. And that pays extremely little. My father used to buy tickets on your sweepstakes over there. And I used to work with a man who won the Super Lotto back in the day. He won $1,000,000.00 ... imagine! He wore a hat and sunglasses when they took his picture, and he never wore a hat or sunglasses.
I think the first thing I'd buy if I won big in a lottery would be a Gibson or Martin guitar... acoustic/electric.
Good Luck in the contest, my dear!
Hugs,
Kimbob


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
    Hey there, Kimbob

    Thank you very much for your review and delightful story :)
    I think the first thing I would do is go to one of the Greek Islands and sit on one of the splendid beaches there with a glass of iced lemonade and decide who gets what :)


Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
Premier Writer
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Cute story. I'm surprised to learn Lassie hates kids. She sure hid it well on her show when she pretended to love little Timmy. Oh, well, at least the lottery money will buy her plenty of steak in which to drown her sorrows, and she can always push the new Timmy-clones down a well when she gets a chance. :)


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
    HI there, Phyllis

    The lottery is not money :) The winning numbers are the numbers of their kennels. These dogs have finally been found new homes. The 'gateways' in the woman's hand are leashes :)

    Maybe I wrote this too vaguely. lol

    Cheers you, Phyllis :)


    much love

    tracey
Comment by
LaFrance
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  117 (+4)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  61
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  516
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I really enjoy what you have written, and it directs me to a lot of different directions it could lead to being complete. I am curious what your intentions were if you completed this story.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Thank you, LaFrance
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  44 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  15
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  36
Script Rating
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  10
 

#3 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This seventy-five-word story, Life's a Lottery, seems to find us at the pet store with the little doggies in the window. Funny that the pups dislike kids. Little Timmy might never know that he is not Lassie's favorite person.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 31-Jul-2018
    Cheers you, Bill
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 2 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  192
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi there,

I'll admit that I read this one yesterday and skipped over it. I didn't get it. I see you've reworked the ending a little and it works much better now. lol

I would suggest deleting the spaces following the speech marks in the second and third sections of dialogue.

Nicely piece of editing. Good story
GMG


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Hi there, Gman

    Nice to see you reviewing my random acts of oddness, Gman :)

    I had my son read this yesterday and he just looked at me and said, "Mum, I don't know what the hell your talking about."

    Made perfect sense to me :)

    So , yes. I changed it to help show what was going on in my head.

    I have edited as 'I think you mean' :)

    Be a love and take a quick gander for me to see if I understood you correctly.

    Much love

    tracey

reply by giraffmang on 27-Jul-2018
    Apologies, that should have read opening speech marks in the second/third sections.

    " What?" - to "What?"
    " You heard. Our numbers have come up. - to "You heard..."

    And go back to your original formatting of clear lines between each bit of dialogue.

    I applaud your son. lol

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    G, Gman. Sorry to bother you again, I'm beging to feel like a fecking stalker lol Okay, I think I have it in the bag now. Can you pop over again plzzy. Cheers you. :)

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    G, Gman. Sorry to bother you again, I'm begining to feel like a fecking stalker lol Okay, I think I have it in the bag now. Can you pop over again plzzy. Cheers you. :)

reply by giraffmang on 27-Jul-2018
    okay try this -

    "Yes! We've won the lottery!"

    "What?"

    "You heard. Our numbers have come up.
    Finally! We have a chance of getting out of this lousy place. Imagine the luxury! Great food, holidays, those snazzy clothes! I can't wait! Here she comes now. See! She's holding the gateways to a better tomorrow...
    Oh, hold on. She's brought a kid along with her. I hate kids!"

    "Don't start all that again, Lassie. Just smile and wag your tail..."

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Awesome!

    It must be right now as I've deleted mine and copy- pasted yours :)

    Ya an angel, G

    Thank you so much.

    Sorry for being as thick as two short planks.

    t
    x

reply by giraffmang on 27-Jul-2018
    lol, no problem

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    :)

    Could be a long night, this... lolol
Comment by
2018 Novelist of the Year.
2017 Short Works and 2017 Script Writer of the Year.
Thomas Bowling
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  135
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  12
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  127
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I did some computer work for a guy who won three million dollars in the Florida lottery. He played a system that he devised and was certain he could duplicate what was actually extraordinary luck. He's dead now, He wasted his whole life chasing the lottery. He constantly drove from state to state playing lottery games. He spent thousands of dollars in the process. When he died, he was living in the same house and driving the same car as in his pre-lottery days. The only change he made, was he had a ten-foot tall chainlink fence installed around his yard because he lived in a high-crime neighborhood.


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
    Thank you, Thomas.

    People are strange, indeed.
    Thank you for your review, but I don't see as this has anything to do with what I have written aside from the fact that someone you once knew dedicated their lives to winning the lottery.


    Clearly you have read this, but I don t get how this is any way a review of my work.

    I know you to be a story teller more than a poet, but imagine if I reviewed a chapter of yours and then proceeded to tell you all about a gangster I once knew.

    What's the point?
Comment by
strandregs
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  245
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  261
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
If I had a tail I would wag it in agreement.
I love kids, I love dogs, In pictures and films.
and for a short visit.
Your Lassie is a friend of mine.
good writing with a twist in the tail of tale.:-))Z.


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Ha ha...

    Thank you, Z :)
Comment by
Pam (respa)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  23
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  18
Review Stars
  Rank:  32
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
-I like your entry, trimple.
-The story is well written
with good dialogue and description.
-You create excitement between
the characters, and provide a
good twist at the end that includes Lassie.
-Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2018



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    Thank you very much indeed, Pam. Much appreciated.

reply by Pam (respa) on 27-Jul-2018
    You are very welcome.

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    :)

reply by Pam (respa) on 27-Jul-2018
    🙂

reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
    This could well be a long night... :) lol
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Fragile Ground
This poem is about escaping domestic abuse.


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy