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Learning to See

A short contest entry

34 total reviews

Comment by

krys123

Review Stars

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Cheers, Lee;
> I see what you mean. When you reviewed one of my short writings the inclination was clear that I was embellishing the gerunds and adverbs little bit heavily. After reading this I learned a lot and I want to thank you.
>Setting of this grandfather and even got the colloquial narratives sounding like a black southern old gentleman.
> I really enjoyed reading this and you enlighten me tremendously, lead, and take care and have a good one.
Alx
PS: congratulations

Comment Written 24-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018

Thank you, alx. I appreciate your kind words. Peace, Lee

reply by krys123 on 26-Aug-2018

You're very welcome my friend and take care Lee.
Alx

Comment by

frogbook

Review Stars

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

Excellent story full of insight and emotion as well as cleverly worded gab. Loved the paragraph about the screen door compared to grandma's life. Exceptional on the whole thing.

Comment Written 09-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 10-Aug-2018

Thanks so much, frogbook. I have an affinity for these 'porch stories'. So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Father Flaps

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Rank: 71

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 77

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Review Stars

Rank: 75

Exceptional

Wow! This is some fine writing, Lee. I really enjoyed it. And I could picture it, too, as if I was right there.
You nailed the southern slang so well, I could hear it come right out of the black woman's mouth.
The lines I enjoyed the most:
"The screen door offered a springy whine as it opened, then added a flat slap as it snapped closed. Familiar notes from the long symphony of the old woman's story. Staccato markers of a lifetime of comings and goings."

"An' I can a'ways smell sunset sure as bread in the oven."

"I got mem'ry vision. Sometimes I think I see better'n most--eyes can pick up too much clutter, addle the brain."

"At first, I thought I was bein' punished, you know? I thought I musta done some powerful evil to make the Lord sentence me to life in the dark."

Like I can see how you might've filched an extra cookie whilst you was doin' the dishes."
"I didn't--"
"Strawberry-filled. I can smell it on your sweet little fingers."
"I'm sorry, Granny."

Nicely penned, Lee! And good luck in the contest. This is sure to be a contender.

cheers,
Kimbob

Comment Written 07-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018

Thanks so much, Kimbob. I've always loved 'porch stories'. To me, porches bring out the poetry and philosophy in everyday folks. Screen doors always punctuate porches. And I like the rhythm of Southern speech.
I'm glad you enjoyed, my friend. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Joy Graham

Review Stars

Exceptional

Ooooooh weeeeeeee! I love, love, love this short story :) I always melt over your fantastic dialogue, and this one felt delightfylly new to me. I enjoyed your characters. I especially love the door creeking and slamming shut. THAT grabbed my attention and pulled me into the story completely. You are the master and you keep getting better. I want to write like you when I grow up LOL!!! Congratulations on winning the contest. I try not to miss your posts. I'm late to the game and missed the voting booth for his one. Sorry.

Joy xx

Comment Written 06-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018

Thanks so much, Joy. Glad you enjoyed. Porch stories always for me. Brings out my inner poet and philosopher. Thankd you again. And congrats on your Recognized Writer Award. Peace, Lee

reply by Joy Graham on 12-Aug-2018

Thank you :)

Comment by

rtobaygo

Review Stars

Exceptional

Good afternoon, Lee

Really enjoyed the post. You have the talent to bring an ordinary scene to life. Liked the fact a blind person is teaching one with sight how to see things she didn't realize. Well done.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

Comment Written 06-Aug-2018

Comment by

irishauthorme

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Review Stars

Rank: 93

Exceptional

All your stories have a touch of the human genome, but this story really made me grateful again, for all I have. In spite of a life of sin and excess I still have my good health, a remaining smidgen of strength and finally, some common sense.
Your characters spring to life, personalities shaping their dialogue. I learn every time I read one of your efforts.
You should consider publishing some of your work, and reserve a copy for me!
irish

Comment Written 06-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018

Thanks again, Irish. The thought of publishing is tempting, but I worry the business of it may sap all the pleasure out of writing. I mean, who wants to be pestered by the Nobel and Pulitzer committees all the time?
Glad to hear you're doing well, and I look forward to your next visit. Peace, Lee

Comment by

2018 Short Works Writer of the Year

Mustang Patty

Review Stars

Excellent

Hi, Lee,

It is easy to see why this beautiful little scene won the contest. I love the dialogue between Granny and the little girl. It is set in the bayou with your deft use of language and dialect.

~patty~

Comment Written 06-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018

Thank you, patty. I have a strong affinity for 'porch stories.' Porches, poetry, and philosophy just seem made for each other. Thank you again. Peace, Lee

Comment by

trumby

Review Stars

Exceptional

I'm not surprised that this entry won the contest, mate.
It's amazing how your other senses will kick in when something shuts down.
The body really has a great ability to repair injuries, doesn't it?

Comment Written 06-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018

Thanks so much, trumby. I'm always amazed at how well blind people adjust. I'm not sure I have that kind of fortitude. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

Comment by

LynnetteOK

Exceptional

This story brought tears to my eyes. I'm a grandmother and the relationship I have with my grandchildren is unique and special. It's a beautiful thing. The idea of a blind grandmother teaching a child to see is incredible.
Very well written! Best of luck in the contest.
LynnetteOK

Comment Written 05-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018

Thanks so much, Lynnette. I agree with you about the special relationship between children and grandparents. Add a porch and a couple of rockers, and anything can happen. So glad you enjoyed. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Joan E.

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Review Stars

Excellent

I haven't read your work for a while (just over-scheduled) and am glad I checked your portfolio and found this gem. I admired your realistic dialogue and dialect. Your appealing to our sense of hearing was a very effective preamble to the discussion of the blind grandmother's being able to see. Your "notes/symphony" metaphor and the idea of "mem'ry vision" were compelling. Your story is a very creative interpretation of the prompt. Best wishes in the contest- Joan

Comment Written 05-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018

Thank you, Joan. Aye, FS wreaks havoc with everyone's schedule. I'm glad you stopped by, too. And I'm glad you enjoyed. Thanks for all the kind words. Peace, Lee

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