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Reviews from
Learning to See


A short contest entry

  34 total reviews 
Comment by
krys123
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Cheers, Lee;
> I see what you mean. When you reviewed one of my short writings the inclination was clear that I was embellishing the gerunds and adverbs little bit heavily. After reading this I learned a lot and I want to thank you.
>Setting of this grandfather and even got the colloquial narratives sounding like a black southern old gentleman.
> I really enjoyed reading this and you enlighten me tremendously, lead, and take care and have a good one.
Alx
PS: congratulations


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
    Thank you, alx. I appreciate your kind words. Peace, Lee

reply by krys123 on 26-Aug-2018
    You're very welcome my friend and take care Lee.
    Alx
Comment by
frogbook
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Excellent story full of insight and emotion as well as cleverly worded gab. Loved the paragraph about the screen door compared to grandma's life. Exceptional on the whole thing.


 Comment Written 09-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 10-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, frogbook. I have an affinity for these 'porch stories'. So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Father Flaps
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  68
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  40
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Review Stars
  Rank:  81
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow! This is some fine writing, Lee. I really enjoyed it. And I could picture it, too, as if I was right there.
You nailed the southern slang so well, I could hear it come right out of the black woman's mouth.
The lines I enjoyed the most:
"The screen door offered a springy whine as it opened, then added a flat slap as it snapped closed. Familiar notes from the long symphony of the old woman's story. Staccato markers of a lifetime of comings and goings."

"An' I can a'ways smell sunset sure as bread in the oven."

"I got mem'ry vision. Sometimes I think I see better'n most--eyes can pick up too much clutter, addle the brain."

"At first, I thought I was bein' punished, you know? I thought I musta done some powerful evil to make the Lord sentence me to life in the dark."

Like I can see how you might've filched an extra cookie whilst you was doin' the dishes."
"I didn't--"
"Strawberry-filled. I can smell it on your sweet little fingers."
"I'm sorry, Granny."

Nicely penned, Lee! And good luck in the contest. This is sure to be a contender.

cheers,
Kimbob





 Comment Written 07-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, Kimbob. I've always loved 'porch stories'. To me, porches bring out the poetry and philosophy in everyday folks. Screen doors always punctuate porches. And I like the rhythm of Southern speech.
    I'm glad you enjoyed, my friend. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Joy Graham
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Ooooooh weeeeeeee! I love, love, love this short story :) I always melt over your fantastic dialogue, and this one felt delightfylly new to me. I enjoyed your characters. I especially love the door creeking and slamming shut. THAT grabbed my attention and pulled me into the story completely. You are the master and you keep getting better. I want to write like you when I grow up LOL!!! Congratulations on winning the contest. I try not to miss your posts. I'm late to the game and missed the voting booth for his one. Sorry.

Joy xx


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, Joy. Glad you enjoyed. Porch stories always for me. Brings out my inner poet and philosopher. Thankd you again. And congrats on your Recognized Writer Award. Peace, Lee

reply by Joy Graham on 12-Aug-2018
    Thank you :)
Comment by
rtobaygo
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Good afternoon, Lee

Really enjoyed the post. You have the talent to bring an ordinary scene to life. Liked the fact a blind person is teaching one with sight how to see things she didn't realize. Well done.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2018


Comment by
irishauthorme
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  Rank:  191
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
All your stories have a touch of the human genome, but this story really made me grateful again, for all I have. In spite of a life of sin and excess I still have my good health, a remaining smidgen of strength and finally, some common sense.
Your characters spring to life, personalities shaping their dialogue. I learn every time I read one of your efforts.
You should consider publishing some of your work, and reserve a copy for me!
irish


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 18-Aug-2018
    Thanks again, Irish. The thought of publishing is tempting, but I worry the business of it may sap all the pleasure out of writing. I mean, who wants to be pestered by the Nobel and Pulitzer committees all the time?
    Glad to hear you're doing well, and I look forward to your next visit. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2018 Short Works Writer of the Year
Mustang Patty
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi, Lee,

It is easy to see why this beautiful little scene won the contest. I love the dialogue between Granny and the little girl. It is set in the bayou with your deft use of language and dialect.

~patty~


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
    Thank you, patty. I have a strong affinity for 'porch stories.' Porches, poetry, and philosophy just seem made for each other. Thank you again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
trumby
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I'm not surprised that this entry won the contest, mate.
It's amazing how your other senses will kick in when something shuts down.
The body really has a great ability to repair injuries, doesn't it?


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, trumby. I'm always amazed at how well blind people adjust. I'm not sure I have that kind of fortitude. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
LynnetteOK
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This story brought tears to my eyes. I'm a grandmother and the relationship I have with my grandchildren is unique and special. It's a beautiful thing. The idea of a blind grandmother teaching a child to see is incredible.
Very well written! Best of luck in the contest.
LynnetteOK


 Comment Written 05-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, Lynnette. I agree with you about the special relationship between children and grandparents. Add a porch and a couple of rockers, and anything can happen. So glad you enjoyed. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Joan E.
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I haven't read your work for a while (just over-scheduled) and am glad I checked your portfolio and found this gem. I admired your realistic dialogue and dialect. Your appealing to our sense of hearing was a very effective preamble to the discussion of the blind grandmother's being able to see. Your "notes/symphony" metaphor and the idea of "mem'ry vision" were compelling. Your story is a very creative interpretation of the prompt. Best wishes in the contest- Joan


 Comment Written 05-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Joan. Aye, FS wreaks havoc with everyone's schedule. I'm glad you stopped by, too. And I'm glad you enjoyed. Thanks for all the kind words. Peace, Lee
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