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Reviews from
Mermaids and Metaphors


A father/son dialogue.

  38 total reviews 
Comment by
Mark Valentine
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  Rank:  146
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  Rank:  20
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Review Stars
  Rank:  206
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
As a father and a son, I can say that you've really nailed the dynamic - close intimate relationships between two people who are constantly trying to disguise the fact that they have a close, intimate relationship. Without being cloying, you really get the reader embracing these characters and the pain that they're going through. At my age, I identify with the father and the depths of the love that he feels for the children.

Like, "Tongue, Nebraska" it has your trademark quirky insertions (in this case, the cheerleader outfit), and, like all your pieces, wonderfully clever dialogue.

It's a remarkable piece of writing and certainly deserves it SOM nomination.


 Comment Written 03-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 03-Sep-2018
    Thank you, Mark, Yes, getting the dynamic right meant everything. You describe the father/son vibe brilliantly. I rarely plan my stories ahead of time. I take cues. The cheerleader outfit surprised me, too. I knew I had characters I could work with.

    Funny thing about SotM, I strive to write something good enough to get nominated every month. That's enough to satisfy me.

    Thanks for all your great reviews. Peace, Lee
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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  Rank:  537
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This emotive story is outstanding, hw. Truly extremely likable and captivating characters (Dad has a familiar voice and humor :-)), powerful dialogue, and emotional heart-felt discussion about grief without being mushy and predictable. I love how you handled the father-son relationship, their sorrow, and their love for each other. A superb, incredible story, hw.
Smiles,
Indy :-)


 Comment Written 19-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Indy. I tried to write this with an eye toward how a simple father might handle the situation. I also liked the kid--he didn't come off too maudlin, or too smart-alecky. I was pretty sure you'd like this one. Glad you did. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
N.K. Wagner
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  Rank:  155
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  Rank:  385
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A tough mountaintop climb at any age, the death of a parent. But even worse in one's teenaged years. Don't know that talking helps, but knowing that those left behind love you does. Excellent story, Lee. :) Nancy


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Nancy. I never started out to write this grieving story, it just developed into one. My concern was keeping it from becoming maudlin. The dad sounds a bit like Larry-the-Youngest's. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
damommy
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  Rank:  25
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  Rank:  23
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  Rank:  58
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This man certainly knew how to handle his children, and he cared enough to bring them back to 'life' as their mother would wish. Lots of patience and humor to deal with the boy in the cheerleader outfit. Great writing.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thanks, damommy. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Adri7enne
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  Rank:  377
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Ah, that was fine writing, Lee. I loved your cast of characters. You brought a tear to my eye as the story unfolded. I could see these two, sitting in the boat, casting out a line. Dad's a wise man, realizing that nothing heals as well as love, attention and understanding. A man who loves his family. That's a rare thing these days. I enjoyed the read tremendously.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Adri7enne. Sometimes parents get a bad rap these days. I tried to show something else. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
heart of Lou
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is truly an exceptional piece of writing, and I handed you my second-to-last six stars for this one. If only more fathers (and mothers) cared this much about their children, the world would be a happier place.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, heart of Lou. Sometimes parents get a bad rap. I tried to show something different. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
kiwisteveh
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  Rank:  105
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  Rank:  125
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  Rank:  171
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Going a bit soft and new-agey in your old agey?

This is a bit different in tone to most of your stuff, but still excellent. You are in your favourite territory of a two-hander, but the to-and-fro sniping is gentler, as it needs to be on this theme.

Lots of comic moments and a strong message as well.

Steve



 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Thanks, Steve. Yeah, I tried to limit the snark this time around. Probably just an aberration, but who knows?
    Sometimes you have to take your foot off the pedal. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
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  Rank:  337 (+1)
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  Rank:  82
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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a well-written story as all of yours are, Lee. Excellent dialogue tells the story well and I enjoyed reading it, my friend~Debbie


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Debbie. So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
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  Rank:  15 (+1)
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  Rank:  13
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 Rank:  17
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Lee,

This guy sounds like an amazing man and father. *smile* I wish I'd had somebody half that kind and patient as my own father. I feel quite sure that those two kids were in great hands. *smile*

Thanks - I enjoyed!


 Comment Written 15-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, robyn. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Susanjohn
Level 2 Pro
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  Rank:  110 (+4)
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  Rank:  353
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I don't believe I have ever read your work before,,,,but ya got me crying!!! omgoodness did this story grip my heart!,,, So well done and completely held my attention till the end...I totally want more of this story! This all plays out in my minds eye and tugs at the heart!!.. Ill have to stop by here more often for sure. :-)


 Comment Written 15-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, susanjohn. I'm glad you stopped by and found something that moved you. I appreciate your kind words and the stellar review. Peace, Lee
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