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Reviews from
Mermaids and Metaphors


A father/son dialogue.

  38 total reviews 
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  18
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  17
 

#4 Ranked Poet
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This is ma great dialogue story of a father & son coming to terms with the loss of the wife/mother. I like how the father never was forceful even when the son was a bit belligerent. He had patience because he knew his son was suffering & he wanted to help. Your words flow smoothly & depict how loss of a loved one affects all in different ways. I like how the son comes to realize what his father knew all the time. The use of the setting about goin fishing is a good idea. While neither was really fishing, both were fishing for making meaning of feelings. Thanks for sharing. Jan


 Comment Written 15-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Jan. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Robbie Yates
 
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Excellent
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This is just - brilliant. Poignant, and readable, and interesting, and funny, and packed with emotions. Well done - this is some very good writing. Thank you for sharing!


 Comment Written 15-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Robbie. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  219
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Thank God, I can always expect you and giraffe to make me laugh. Your voice is so distinctive--what agents look for.
Hilarious similes, metaphors and hyperbole.Favorites for me are your opening and ending as it should be.
The argument is one Dads can connect with.
Brilliant philosophy: "fishin' ain't really fishin'."
LOL at the dialogue when son dresses like a girl.

The drive to the lake emphasizes the theme. Tim's no longer in tech world. The lake becomes a symbol.

Subtly you lead up to the loss the Tim and Rachael have to accept.

A prize winning piece. Send it to WD contest. For sure, you'd win first place.


 Comment Written 14-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Shari. Fishing is such a universal metaphor. I may have gotten lucky with this one. The father developed into a klutzy, but loveable character--with a quirky sense of humor.

    I haven't tried WD in a long, long time. Maybe I'll give them another shot.

    Thanks again, Shari, for the stellar review, and the kind words.

    Peace, Lee
Comment by
scraps30
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a wonderful, well-written story about grief, and a father's way of guiding his child through it. The dialogue is excellent, as well as your description and word choice. A touching story with strong emotions without being too sentimental. Bravo!


 Comment Written 14-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, scraps30. Sometimes I dodge subjects for fear of becoming maudlin or sentimental. I'm glad I dodged the bullet this time. I appreciate your encouraging words. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Shanbreen
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Honestly, I don't have words to describe such a great piece of work. It has so many wonderful metaphors (yes, metaphors) and a certain amount of "je ne sais pas quoi" that makes it so refreshing. You have a wonderful way with language. I would have like to highlight some of the lines, but I'm afraid that would mean the whole story.

Well done.


 Comment Written 14-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thanks for this stellar review, Shanbreen. I always lean toward quirky characters dealing with human situations. I'm so glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Sally Law
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  25
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  Rank:  6
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  Rank:  11
Review Stars
  Rank:  14
 

#6 Ranked Author
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I absolutely loved this story-- so colorful and character rich. Well done! Farrel sounds like my Mother, she was quite the fisher woman. I am the only one in my family who was not daily involved in fishing in some way growing up. I did sit and watch and the deep conversations would eventually draw Me in. Before I knew it, it was about so much more than what was on the end of the line. Thank you. I am from the South, and 'fishin' or 'fishin"s' looked fine to me.


 Comment Written 14-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, Sally. Fishing is always a great metaphor--as well as a why to induce characters into deep conversations. Sounds like you grew up with both. So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
dmt1967
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  Rank:  380 (+8)
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  Rank:  213
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  Rank:  58
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  Rank:  118
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a great story about love and loss. Life is for the liven is a good message and I love the gentle voice in the story. I like the premise of this rough diamond taking his daughter shopping. Thank you for sharing.


 Comment Written 14-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thank you, dmt1967. Yes, the dad is a pretty rough diamond--but he's so well-intentioned. I'm so glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
rtobaygo
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Good morning, lee

Enjoyed the post. Farrell, though a bit rough around the edges has the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon, never loosing his temper while trying to impart life's lessons on his son Tim. The use of fishing, as a bonding experience, between father and son is well thought out and executed.

The dialogue and interactions were spot on. One definitely had a 'feel' for what both characters were going through. Having Tim come into the kitchen dressed as a cheerleader was priceless.

Take care and stay safe,

Ray


 Comment Written 14-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, Ray. Yes, Farrell is pretty rough around the edges, but dogged and loving. And Tim, through his pain, understood his dad's motivation. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Peace, Lee
Comment by
jdrhye
 
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  Rank:  423
 
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As usual you have managed to write a wonderful short story. The language is easy to relate to as the reader. The subject is deep but you have been able to give the story a context that is not sad but instead loaded with life lessons of growth and perception. Enjoyed the read.
J


 Comment Written 13-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, J. I tried very hard not to be maudlin with this story, so your comments mean a lot. Peace, Lee
Comment by
ciliverde
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  Rank:  150
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Review Stars
  Rank:  630
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Such a great story, I loved it, and it's a real tearjerker (for me, anyway). It's a wonderful combination of very difficult times and humor ("I'll die a happy man if my children never utter the word 'metaphor' in my presence again. - lol)
Your characters have so much life, they feel absolutely real from the outset. I like how the real reason Tim doesn't want to go fishing reveals itself as they get closer to the lake. Thanks for writing this outstanding story. I'm losing my mother right now, to Alzheimer's - I miss her.
Carol


 Comment Written 13-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, ciliverde. I lost my mother to Alzheimer's too. It's a lingering loss. I get it.
    I tried hard to infuse life into a story about death. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

reply by ciliverde on 15-Aug-2018
    I just wrote a poem that vaguely references my mother, when she still lived at home in MT but was suffering from the disease - if you care to take a look. This illness is all too common.
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