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Reviews from
Mermaids and Metaphors


A father/son dialogue.

  38 total reviews 
Comment by
LaFrance
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  Rank:  468
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  Rank:  96
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I enjoy a good fishing story, and you wrote an excellent one. Their dialect was fun to read and I enjoyed their somewhat sarcastic dialogue between the father and son.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, LaFrance. Fishing is always a great metaphor. Glad you enjoyed the sarcasm. Peace, Lee
Comment by
trumby
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This story is well worth 6 stars, mate.The two characters are very well written and believable.
I dislike fishing, as I can always think that there's so much else that I need to do.
New wife, house renovation and our own business keep me on the go.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thanks so much, trumby. I'm not much of a fisherman, either, but it always works as a metaphor. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2018 Novelist of the Year.
2017 Short Works and 2017 Script Writer of the Year.
Thomas Bowling
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The plop of the gear hitting water sent shock rings through his son's grieving heart.
All of your stories are populated with fantastic lines, but this is an All-Time Best Award one.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Thomas. Sometimes I think I write stories just for the chance to throw in a few poignant lines. Bob Dylan did a lot of that. Lately I've been working on 'plot'--but I still love tossing lines around. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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#3 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Lee, I loved this story, if you can even call it that. Here is a father, who himself is grieving, but he needs to help his kids out of their dispair. And he succeeds. A bittersweet story, if I've ever seen one. Wonderful;
"No problemo. Should be No problema. Apart from the fact that I speak Spanish (I live in Spain after all) No problemo just doesn't work. The word 'problemo' doesn't even exists! You use 'No can do' later on and that works. 'No problema' works the same way but not 'no problemo' It jarres
'they're forever, and, at the same time, for never again.' I love it. Great!
Tim flicked a cast well to the left of his father's, and a bit closer shore. = ... , and a bit closer to shore.
A lovely story, which resonated, I lost my Dad at a young age.
All best. Ulla:))



 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Ulla. Parents have taken a bad rap lately. I tried to tell a different story. 'No problemo' may not be correct, but's it's usage is common here. Spanglish bastardizes both languages. I have a feeling Ferrall would use common vernacular.
    So glad you enjoyed the story, Ulla. Peace, Lee

reply by Ulla on 17-Aug-2018
    It's a wnderful story, and I do believe a relationship like you describe it, between a parent and a child, does exist. One of the reasons, I love to live in Spain. The old values are lived by here. I must say I have the same relationship to my daughter and grandchildren although they live in Denmark. Something has to change in the modern world to retrieve those old values that can and will survive progress. It's down to the parents. Wow, you got me going here. Sorry. As you can tell I feel very strongly about this. :))
Comment by
lyenochka
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 Rank:  2
 

#3 Ranked Author

#2 Ranked Novelist

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Yes, that's what I heard that fishin' was really for - just talking. So in that regard, Dad O'Bannon succeeded. Liked the banter and the cute antics. I don't think today's thirteen-year-old boys would be nearly so nice. It reminds me of a 1950's TV show. Sweet and touching. These days, you can't take a kid anywhere without their phones and earbuds blocking any kind of communication.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
    Thank you, lyenochka. I made the kid reasonably polite on purpose. I wanted to indicate that the dead mother and the father had done a good job raising the kids. And that Tim recognized his father's loss, too. Truthfully, I think this story is mostly about the father's suborning his own pain to help his children cope.
    Glad you enjoyed. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Meia (MESAYERS)
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Excellent
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"Compared to you, Son, I'm havin' a blast."
They drove in a silent Detroit cocoon for several miles. Tim began recognizing roadside landmarks. A food stand with a giant hot dog on the roof. A church that looked more like a Jules Verne spaceship than a house of worship. The ruins of a camel-humped drive-in theater. The kinds of things kids remember and navigate by during familiar backseat safaris. He caught a phantom whiff of lake air--moist, slightly green-smelling from pond algae. He remembered old 'lake-era' snapshots taken when he could barely walk. His mother holding his hands . . .
"Dad, I'm not sure this is a good idea. I'm not ready to go back to the lake."
"I know, I know. You hate fishin'. But unless you're Captain Ahab, fishin''s got nothin' to do with fish."Tim corrected, "Whales aren't fish, Ishmael. But it's not the fishing I dread. It's the lake."Farrel O'Bannon glanced over at his son. "What about the lake?" "It's just . . . I don't want to go there."
"You're thinkin' about your mother, aren't you? She was always with us. You don't want to go because you'll miss her presence." I just love your writing. I find lakes so foreboding. So much mystery beneath. An amazing write as ever. I loved the abve flow of dialogue and description kind regards and warmest wishes Meia xx


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Meia. I had fun writing that particular sequence.
    I prefer the ocean to lakes. The ocean strikes me as being energized. Lakes seem stagnant and sour to me.

    I'm so glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

reply by Meia (MESAYERS) on 19-Aug-2018
    I feel the same way about lakes xx they are creepy...the Ocean is mysterious and magical...I write a horror story about Lakes set in Japan called'What lies beneath' I was lucky enough to win the contest :) This was awesome as always x
Comment by
Alexander Vasa
 
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Hi Humpwhistle, you write well and this is an engaging story with good dialogue and your beginning is good, we are naturally curious as to why this boy would rather have a colonoscopy than go fishing with his dad. hahaahaha

I only noticed a couple of things that had caps that aren't required, so if you read through you will find them, like this one:

n Cheerios and cherries, - I don't think 'cheerios' needs a cap.
Very minor and nothing that stops this being a five-star piece of prose and thanks for sharing it, Ana.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Ana. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Cheerios is a brand name, so the cap is required. I'll look for the others.
    Perhaps you're referring to Gorton Fisherman? In this case, as a brand spokesperson the caps are required. Thank you again. Peace, Lee

reply by Alexander Vasa on 12-Aug-2018
    Thanks for letting me know, Lee, there is a quite a bit of specific cultural stuff I don't get, but like finding out. and you were also correct in your referring to Gorton, interesting, cheers, Ana.
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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 Rank:  38
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
Football Chapter 5 part 1
Paul and Katherine make plans to go to the police station.
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#8 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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I was forced to go fishing as a family outing while growing up. I am NOT a fisherman. I cheered for the worms and minnows. I also didn't like wearing shoes so often ended up with a hook in my foot. I am sure I would fit in perfectly with your fun characters. I love your writing.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Barbara. I'm not much of a fisherman, either, but it makes a great metaphor. I'm a barefoot boy myself.
    So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
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