Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

True Story Flash
Deadline: In 2 Days

5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: Jun 8th

Minute
Deadline: Jun 14th

Share Your Story
Deadline: Jun 16th

Four Line Poem
Deadline: Jun 20th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
The forgetful season...


free verse poem

  18 total reviews 
Comment by
catch22
Level 7 Pro
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  130
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  247
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Tracey, this is a lovely free verse with a lot of great lines. I went with six stars on this because the wilting hyacinth is a lovely metaphor for the weariness of experience and how it can weather our innocence. I felt like the narrator is mocking the sad hyacinth a little bit, especially with lines like :

Your thick neck
lollops
like a slow cooling pigeon
as if all your wishes
were stolen by Santa Claus.

This is the height of self pitying, isn't it? Very clever write. Now, I've got to become a fan.


 Comment Written 28-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
    Hi again, Pam

    Thank you for looking at this poem and the special rating.

    Unfortunately it didn't do so well in the booths though :)

    Your interpretation lends even more weight to this poem and I thank you so much for being so deep minded.

    The part that you enjoyed most, is also my favorite.

    kindest regards

    tracey
Comment by
Air Spirit
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I thought your poem was very creatively expressed, with not only descriptive detail, but you personified the flower in such as way as if you had a personal relationship with it... "...Hold your head high
and drink by the balcony
'neath midnight's timeless crest;
then, please...
look at me tomorrow,
face to face..." I love that phrase 'face to face' --- not one that one typically assigns to a plant, so that is why it is so unique and creative.. I think my favorite lines though, are
"...Your thick neck
lollops
like a slow cooling pigeon
as if all your wishes
were stolen by Santa Claus."

the image of the plant being depressed and deflated because of finding out there is no more Santa Claus, was particularly effective and impactful.... great poem!


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Hello there, A.S

    Thank you very much indeed for you detailed review. I am inspired by a writer called Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Ever heard of ' One Hundred Years of Solitude?' 'Magical realism' is the label they gave him. Really intelligent writer who makes me tingle with the delight as he describes in an odd and wonderful way , for example... how to make a bed :)

    Cheers you.

    I just popped over to look at one of yours too.

    kind regards

    trimple
Comment by
heart of Lou
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You have written an excellent poem in an imaginative way about a hyacinth. They are one of my favorite spring flowers, and I grow them in my garden. I think the one your poem is about is a forced one. Good luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018


Comment by
Adri7enne
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  395
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I can't really say I understand your poetry. Your metaphors and allusions escape me. Nevertheless, I float on the current and allow myself to be carried along by your rhythms and images. Even if I can't connect them in a coherent whole, I get some of it through osmosis. I enjoyed the feel of it.

I also love Gabriel Garcia Marquez and I have an old copy of "Love in the Time of Cholera" which I purchased when it first came out, way back in the 80's, I think. I've read it more than once. Reading him, his characters infiltrate my dreams. I am mesmerized by the atmosphere he creates.

I enjoyed reading your poem. It has a bit of that same magic.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018


Comment by
Pantygynt
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  65
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  4
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  27
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
The mention of Santa claus, bang in the middle did not grate with me at all as at one time I would often give my mother a bowl of hyacinth bulbs for Christmas as she loved the plants and their scent once they were blooming. i thought this piece of free verse was an excellent personied description of the plant.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Good afternoon, Jim.

    Glad you liked this, my second free verse poem. I really enjoyed writing it and may well see to writing more of this style.

    Indeed! those Hyacinth's find their way to my living room too, but not at Christmas. My husband is from Iran and at their new year, they have an assortment of random objects that all begin with the letter 'S' x 7, as a way of bringing in good fortune for the year to come. Another being a live goldfish! I have 9 of them now in my garden pond. I really should try to find out the significance of all of these.

    thanks again

    kind regards

    tracey.

reply by Pantygynt on 16-Aug-2018
    So does the Iranian for hyacinth start with an S then?

reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Yup :)

reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    It's called Sonbol :)

reply by Pantygynt on 16-Aug-2018
    I wondered if you were going to tell me;))

reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    lol sorry about that... momentary lapse of reasonable communication :)

reply by Pantygynt on 16-Aug-2018
    No problem.
Comment by
Brett Matthew West
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  77 (+2)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  37
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  206
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Solid imagery, rhymes, and presentation used throughout this well crafted poem. Funny and expressive. One good entry for a "Best Poem" contest.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Thank you, Brett.
Comment by
lyenochka
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Script Rating
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  4
 

#2 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Novelist

#4 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Script Writer

#4 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What a dramatic apostrophe to a hyacinth! I feel like that flower whose fragrance that once saturated the air of the living room will once again bloom after a refreshing night. Or maybe her "children" may bloom next spring.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Good afternoon, Lyenochka

    Thank you very much for your review and stars.

    kind regards

    trimple
Comment by
Hitcher
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I thoroughly enjoyed the humor in your well written, visually entertaining poem friend. It reminded me of the poor plants in my home who have to survive the volatile weather climates controlled by my wife, ha ha . Good Luck!!


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Good morning to you, Hitcher!

    Bugger me! It's been a while since I saw your footprints around this place. You were on my hit-list some time ago now, but I wiped you from my screen. Thank you for your humorous response to this, my second attempt to put together a free verse.

    Your wife sounds characterful :)

    cheers you.

    I'll add you again

    trimple


reply by Hitcher on 16-Aug-2018
    Yes, I was gone from site for a good three years, came back last year for about eight months then had four moths away But I'm back again now : )
    My wife : )) is definitely characterful : ) she just recently did a 3 week outward bound course on the south island of NZ. No phones, technology of any kind, 3 days sailing in the ocean, 4km run everyday then a jump off a warf into the sea, cold showers , two days kyaking, three day hikinhg through the Sounds, three days solo with nothing but a Fly and sleeping back, a mountain half marathon etc . Look forward to being back on your hit list : Hitch

reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Holy crap! :) She sounds like my dream friend. but clearly, she's yours...

    So basically then, you buggered off and came back as I was here n left then :)



    gonna hit my invisible friend list now :)

    looking forward
Comment by
Nanny 6
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This poem was worth going back and reading several times... I love the picture you painted with your words ... just beautiful... you got my vote on this one! Good luck in the contest, your poem is a winner!
Judy


 Comment Written 15-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Good afternoon Nanny 6

    I'm so pleased that you enjoyed reading this. I have only written one free verse before and thoroughly enjoyed wracking my brain over this one.

    Cheers for the sixer and the vote :)

    kind regards

    trimple
Comment by
Debbie Pope
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  43
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  38
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  64
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hey! You there, this is awesome. Unfortunately I did not save enough six-star ratings for this contest. When poets are asked to submit their finest, fine is what I am getting.
Your lovely hyacinth is right at the top. Your images are striking. I love your pleas for forgiveness and your command to "hold your head high." The way you address your wilted, neglected flower is priceless. Your images such as "balcony 'neath midnight's timeless crest," are simply exquisite.
You could easily win this contest for yours is the best of the best.


 Comment Written 15-Aug-2018



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
    Good afternoon, Debbie

    Thank you very much for your really nice review. This is my second crack at writing 'free verse' poems. I think I like em! :)

    I appreciate the virtual six.

    kind regards

    trimple
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
St. Louis Chapter 28 part 1
Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy