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Reviews from
Tongue, Nebraska - Part 1 of 3


A story of manners, circa 1880

  39 total reviews 
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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  Rank:  537
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
What I like best about this story, hw, is how immediately engaging it is. No unneeded fluff and frill. You tell what I need to know and tell it so I'm completely caught up with the characters and their stories. Maelene is a wonderful character and feel you have written her as an intriguing and would-like-rot-meet woman. As always with your continuing stories, I can't wait to read what's next.
Smiles,
Indy :-)


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2018


Comment by
kiwisteveh
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  Rank:  105
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  Rank:  125
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  Rank:  171
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Beautifully concocted intro to one of your special tales. Hard to tell just where it's going at first, but we soon come to terms with who the good guys are and just who will be the villain of the piece. Great contrast in characters between the two women and, of course, Maelene is a standout.

Your usual slather of outstanding dialogue interspersed with passages of description and commentary like this:

Supper had been a quiet affair. Spoons scraped bowls while Nebraska-blown snow scoured insecure sills searching and scratching for ways in. Jessup ate for three while the women abided in worlds separate and removed from matters as mundane as sustenance.

Looking forward to the following instalments. Actually, I've already read part 2...

Steve


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
    Thank you, Steve. I really had fun setting this one up. A trio of Shakespearean characters jammed into a Nebraska blizzard.
    I revel in times when I wax poetic. Most of the time, I feel like an ox struggling up hill. Maybe I'm not a real storyteller? Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
pbomar1115
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Brenda, a naive young woman pregnant with a man's baby set out to find him. She meets Jessup and Maelene, who decides to help her face the CB Hoyt, the man who impregnants her. I love the characters.

Phillip


 Comment Written 06-Sep-2018


Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  231
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Did you research the time period to find the colloquialisms? That's what makes this a fun piece. Other phrases are know are Humpisms as I'll call your clever images and expressions:bone-bruising asthmatic iron antique
gravitational emphasis
aged somewhere between old and biblical,
gonna bite like a bear with a bad tooth
constructed sans benefit of level or plumb line.

The situation is a familiar one, but your clever tongue (pun intended) gives unexpected humor to this naïve girl's predicament. Can't wait to read on.


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2018


Comment by
LaRosa
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  Rank:  315
 
Excellent
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Surely you were enjoying all the word-play; not to mention all the great tit-for-tat 'conversation'. I did.
I don't know the correct definitive word but imagery like: '" gonna bite like a bear with a bad tooth tonight." is awesome!

You make me curious. How does a man come up with gems from a woman's world like: 'The effect reminded Brenda of her own attempts at quilting--lots of angles, none of them meeting without obvious coercion.' ??? Awesome imagery.

What do we gotta do t'get more SIX STARS 'round here?



 Comment Written 04-Sep-2018


Comment by
jdrhye
 
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Oo la la....I'm hooked. I love the way you write dialect your very good at these short stories.0in this line "Let the lass speak for herself.... why don't go out back..." I think your missing "you" or whatever the dialect call for.

Can't wait to read part 2!

J


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2018


Comment by
LIJ Red
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Is there a missing pronoun who was gonna fetch a load of firewood, Lee? Real good yarn so far. Off to find part two. Whew, hold them heartland blizzards...


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2018


Comment by
apky
 
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Terrific with all the usual Lee gems:

- The man, aged somewhere between old and biblical

- Brenda felt suddenly alone, vulnerable. She realized the man wasn't so much lumpy as shaggy--at least judging by his heavy hide coat and acute lack of tonsorial attention.

I could go on and on - and that too is the way I feel when I read your stories. I never want them to end.


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2018


Comment by
Sally Law
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  Rank:  28
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  Rank:  6
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  Rank:  9
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  Rank:  15
 

#6 Ranked Author

#9 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Salty as it is, I love this piece. Very well done. Your characters are rich and descriptive, so much so, I can see them come alive as I read. Poor Brenda, my heart aches for her. She reminds me of Fantine in Les Miserables. I look forward to the continuing saga.
Kindest regards to you and your family,
Sally


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2018


Comment by
Earl Corp
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Earl Corp Recommends:
Slicker Than an Oil Stain
Not everything always goes to plan
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I was going to read Part 2 when I saw your redirection to part 1. Thank you for that, I wish more authors would do that. The story started a little slow but the plot started to pick up towards the end of the chapter making me curious about what's to come.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 04-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
    Thank you, Earl. I can understand your disappointment over the lack of action--even though I didn't promise any. I'm glad you thought it picked up at the end. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
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