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Reviews from
The Second Coming...Entry Denied


150 words

  32 total reviews 
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A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.


 Comment Written 17-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Thanks so much.
Comment by
jenintorre
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  Rank:  123
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  Rank:  115
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  Rank:  171
 
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Another very clever flash fiction. I loved it but sorry no sixes left. Flas fiction is my favourite form of wriiting and you are very talented ag it. Cheers. Jen.


 Comment Written 11-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
    It's a great disciplinre Thanks for reading.
Comment by
ExperiencingLiphe
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It does make you wonder about who we're turning away. They could know the cure to cancer or something and we're pushing them away. You did a great job and this makes us think.


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 11-Sep-2018
    I think the situation is very complex. Thanks for reading.
Comment by
giraffmang
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2018 2nd for short works
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Hi Ingrid,

I was working on a piece very similar to this... darn it! lol

This is very well written and the sad thing is that's probably what would happen.

Of course we all know Jesus was white with blue eyes because of the wealth of description given in the Bible... you'd think someone might have mentioned this little fact...

I myself have frequently been mistaken for the man himself.

All the best
G


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
    Great minds thank alike. I'm jealous of your hair. Thanks for the review
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  10
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  Rank:  74
 

#10 Ranked Author
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
You set up the situation in paragraph with a tired and sloppy immigration officer. "Rubber stamped" serves two purposes here--stereotyping the less obvious one. Satiric poke at Trump. "Gentle protest' enhances the image of Jesus as well as the reference to prayers.
Blue eyes is a hoot. I've often wondered about this.
Terrific ending.


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
    Thanks so much for the stars. This came out of a conversation about prejudice being fueled by hate by some of the same folk who are the noisiest about religion.
Comment by
jmdg1954
 
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  Rank:  585
 
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Well with much time on my hands watching football on this rainy Sunday in New Jersey, I counted 150 words.

I thought your story was superb and can he very true. A great entry for the contest in my opinion! Best of luck,
John


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
    It's raining here too. Thanks for the endorsement.



Comment by
prettybluebirds
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A clever and well-done short story. I always write these stories on my word processor first to make sure the count is accurate. I have noticed that FS is count is often incorrect. Best of luck in the contest. It looks like a winner to me.


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
    Weird, huh. I use Word 10 and believe in its accuracy, but when someone told me mine was only 149 words I changed it, but made a note so that the committee could see my effort. Thanks.
Comment by
2016 and 2018 Script Write Of The Year
judiverse
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#6 Ranked Author

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
Excellent
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This is a powerful story and will be a great contender in the Flash Fiction contest. Best of luck. You present an excellent picture of the immigration official and where he was coming from. We surely don't know that much about the appearance of Jesus, except from the artwork we've seen. You present reasons that judging from his appearance and his place of birth why he would have been denied entry. Love the words of Jesus you concluded with. You create a compelling scenario. In reality, immigration officials are more likely to turn away someone for good reason. We already admit too many who have turned out to be criminals. Recently there was an investigation of a group who, among other things, was instructing young people on how to carry out school shootings. Europe is plagued with immigrants who are intent on creating chaos. Maybe Jesus should have been wearing a halo when he tried to gain entry. No quarrel with your writing, but I'm emphasizing that there is good reason to use caution when it comes to admitting immigrants. judi


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
    The piece was meant to provoke thought, and there is no question historically that Jesus came from the same area in the Middle East. Immigration is a very complicated subject, but I do think Christ would confront our prejudices as I've attempted to do here.

    Thanks for the read.

reply by judiverse on 09-Sep-2018
    You're welcome. Our idea of what Jesus may have looked like has come from paintings by European artists, I believe. More important than race, which we hear so much about, is what is reflected on Christ's face. judi
Comment by
nancy_e_davis
Level 1 Pro
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I would think we Christians would. I'm sure it would be a meeting of souls. Maybe we would see his aureole. (Halo)
The bible mentioned he was not outstanding just an ordinary man before the crucifixion. Where is it written he has blue eyes? I doubt we could turn him away. Heaven forbid! :) Nancy


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
    Lots of pictures in story books promote this Aryan saviour. The piece was meant to provoke thoughts, certainly not challenge anyone's beliefs. Thanks for reading and the review.

reply by nancy_e_davis on 09-Sep-2018
    I didn't feel challenged. It was an innocent question. I am always coming across wrong. Sorry if you thought you had offended me.
    It's all good.

reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
    No, I didn't take it that way from your response--not at all. But, as you probably know, there are many folks who have strong beliefs and don't like people writing fiction when it comes to anything with religious overtones.
Comment by
Sasha
Level 1 Pro
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Sasha
 
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 Rank:  668
 
Excellent
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Absolutely superb work with this Flash Fiction entry. I agree completely with the error in the West's description of a fair-sinned, blue-eyed, blond haired man as Jesus. I wish you all the best in this contest, great work with this one.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
    It's been something I've had on my mind with all the noise and hatred about immigration. Thanks.
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