Hard-Boiled Times
layiing it straight
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Reviews from
Tongue, Nebraska -- Conclusion


A story of manners, circa 1880.

  29 total reviews 
Comment by
Mark Valentine
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  Rank:  145
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  Rank:  205
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The opening paragraph is great - every Peyton Place-like story (seems to me) has an element of something that seems ideal from a distance, revealing its ugliness as one takes a closer look. Until now, though, none had come upon the phrase "goiter-ish growths" to describe that experience. And, you waited until Chapter 3 to make hay from the name of your fictional town - "Tongue was a place best kept between pursed lips." - did you have that line in mind from the beginning? It's brilliant!

Speaking of brilliant -

"Just when he thought he knew the color of stupid, some idjit threw a fresh coat of paint on it."

"Maelene stank pretty as a watermelon."

Hall of Fame worthy lines.

As for the story arc itself - as you often do, you use a rather common crisis (amoral playboy knocks up a girl and doesn't take responsibility for it) and mine it for its inherent drama. His comeuppance is wonderful and (seems to me) contains a bit of social commentary - cleaning up after spouse and kids, having no control over the household finances, and not having your feelings cared about - to Hoyt seems like a cruel and unusual punishment - however, change the genders of the protagonists, and it just describes the ordinary gender roles that have existed in many places for many years.

A great three chapter story.


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018


Comment by
Earl Corp
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Earl Corp Recommends:
Slicker Than an Oil Stain
Not everything always goes to plan
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Great twisted ending. I really thought C.B would get hanged. What you did to him was better. I really enjoyed your character development. I'd like to have seen a little more back story on Maelene and Jessup.


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018


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Debbie Pope
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Exceptional
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Your descriptions and conversations are so enjoyable. I don't think that anyone could do it better. And, in this piece, I love your sense of justice. Good wins out. Evil is punished in such an amusing, enjoyable way. I am sorry that this was the conclusion. I hope to revisit Tongue again soon.


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018


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Pantygynt
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#4 Ranked Novelist
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A happy ending for all but C.B.H. They don't write 'em like that any more, at least real life doesn't, more's the pity. This has been an enjoyable mini series and I am sorry there's no more to come but, Like Tom Brown's Schooldays once Flashman had been expelled from Rugby, when the villain's gone or tamed there ain't no point no mo!

Thomas Hughes could have learnt abit about writing from you.


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018


Comment by
trumby
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
NO worries about it, mate, That was a happy ending alright and not the porn variety either.
I'm glad that Jessup gets it wet occasionally. I think that he's earn it.
CB really is the kind of bloke that you love to hate and he deserves everything that he's getting.
GREAT STORY, MATE!!!


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018


Comment by
apky
 
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Charles Bigham Hoyt never regained his swagger. And nobody cared. ~ Well, there's justice at its most appropriate. What more can I say? The perfect happily, and hopefully, ever after.


Did you think I drug (you?) all this way for your safety?

you'll be grateful for the safety (of? Unless this was deliberately how Jessup speaks) these here bars when she arrives


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018


Comment by
ciliverde
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Sun-dried cat puke? I think the fresh stuff might smell worse, but I am no cat expert. I did miss the first chapters, unfortunately. Your review of them wasn't bad, and enough that I could figure out that CB was headed for some well-deserved punishment. Well done, Lee. Always a pleasure to read your work,
Carol


 Comment Written 10-Sep-2018


Comment by
Father Flaps
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Holy Cow! I didn't expect that, Lee.
Mrs. Hoyt actually invited Brenda Wilshire to live with them? Baby and all?
I really enjoyed the story. The writing was superb. The only thing I wonder about is Mrs. Hoyt's ability to keep her husband around. Perhaps she secretly hopes he'll eventually make a run for it.
I wondered if you could finish it off in 3 chapters. You leave some story for the reader to imagine. For example, Maelene contacting Mrs. Hoyt. And the three women (Maelene, Mrs. Hoyt, and Brenda) getting together to discuss what to do. The planning for CB's arrival. It's good sometimes to allow the reader some work. It's good for them. Creating their own imagery.
Bravo, Lee! Thanks for sharing your talent!
cheers,
Kimbob


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018


Comment by
Craigitar
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Ha! A satisfying comeuppance for CB Hoyt. A couple places need attention: "Did you think I drug (you) all this way for your safety?...", and: "...Jessup scratched (his) neck. "We didn't pass no primrose baths..." Great story, HW, and expertly crafted--always a pleasure to read what you writ. Craig


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018


Comment by
Beck.fenton
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What a nice ending to this story.
" I'd swear you was the offspring of a skunk an' a pump handle--scented as one, stupid as the other." is my favorite line.
Good job getting Brenda's problem taken care of and Edwina's eyes opened without breaking up a happy home.


 Comment Written 09-Sep-2018


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