Art: clever use of comparing the inside parrot and the outside birds.
I have a cat bedroom. The bird feeders are outside by the deck. The cats
enjoy bird watching. We have geese and eagles flying by. I'm sure your
parrot is super fun to talk with. I like your one-liners. flylikeaneagle
What a strikingly beautiful bird - and a very good poem to go with him! I very much like your construction, with the stand-alone lines striking out rather like an ostinato in a musical composition. Just one thing that struck me that you might like to have a look at: I found the quantity of commas in this line a bit distracting: "Teetering on a perch, a neon, blue, clown." Would the one after 'perch' have been sufficient, I wondered? You captured the occasional fleeting longing for the wild that comes to even the tamest among us in you line, "Fleeting sense memory reverts back to tame".
Comment Written 29-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2018
You are so correct. I swear sometimes by the time I posts these things it is amazing they even make sense... Thanks so much for the heads up kiddo. yours, diana
This is a good rhyming poem. It should do well in the contest. It was a swift and fun journey to go on with Ol' Redbeak. The picture of the bird is great and so were the colors. A good job on this piece! Good luck!
I like how you are able to personify 'Ol Redbeak" as he sits in his gilded cage watching the world outside his window and those other birds flying south for the winter. The poem within a poem works very well.
Very nice good looking bird. I didn't know that parakeets could talk. You wrote your poem with your parakeet voice. I guess after being in a cage since birth they become one with the family. This is a good entry for the Rhyming Poem contest. Thank you for sharing.
>I like how your poetry flows and the enjambment is very fluid because of each of your rhyming words were contingent and supported to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm flow smoothly also.
>The enjambment being fluid and understandable makes for a very easily acceptable and realization of the conceptual theme.
>Like all the poem starts off directly on a very casual scene that particularly explains, describes and expresses the overall context of the poem.
> Good luck in the contest, Mystery Writer, and take care and have a good one.
What an excellent birds view of the thoughts of a caged one, to the longing for his own kind yet the satisfaction of his human and the comforts provided, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Very clever poem, and a most unique rhyme pattern. I like the originality of this and the idea that a second poem is tucked inside the larger one is also most interesting. I enjoyed reading this very much. Your creativity will take you far, I'm pretty sure. MM