Take Your Burdens to Jesus
This is a 5-7-5 poetry writing
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Reviews from
Fancy Feathered Tale


'Ol Redbeak is happy right where he is...

  62 total reviews 
Comment by
kiwisteveh
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  Rank:  110
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  Rank:  131
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  Rank:  184
 
Excellent
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I enjoyed the irony in the end of your lovely rhyming poem - tradition and race memory are not always best. (You use 'sense memory', but 'race memory' is the phrase that my mind keeps pulling up)

Good rhyme and then the insertion of the individual lines that also rhyme make for an interesting invention.

Good luck.

Steve


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
    Hi kiwi... thanks for your thoughts and your question... I looked up both sense and race memory and I'm comfortable with my phrase but I thank you so much for pointing it out... The phrase race memory was heretofore not know by me and I always love learning new words and concepts. thanks so much yours, diana
Comment by
Nanny 6
 
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Excellent
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Your poem indeed shows a lot of talent. To create a poem inside of a poem is quite a challenge. I enjoyed the rhyme and rhythm in this piece, I wish you very good luck in the contest!
Judy


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
    Hi Nanny... thanks so much for your positive... stellar review. yours, diana
Comment by
Jmf4119
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  Rank:  69
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  Rank:  87
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A clever and creative poem and poem within a poem. I enjoyed the read this evening. I'm glad Ol Redbeak is happy right where he is -- maybe we should all take a lesson from him.

Well done.
Blessings
Janet


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
    Hi Janet... thanks so much for the stellar explosion you have bestowed on me... I'm humbled and grateful.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
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  Rank:  31
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 Rank:  63
 
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Smiles to you Author
I had so much fun reading your rhyming poem about your colorful bird that live in its gilded cage and how your bird feel being in its cage when you said is typical, ( had two parakeets)
and how I heard them with their sweet voices
speak each others names.
Gert


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
    Hi Gert... thanks so much for your wonderful stellar review.
Comment by
harmony13
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  Rank:  172
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  Rank:  88
 
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Excellent Poem! The author's words are descriptive, creative and
interesting. The reader found this bird just beautiful. The artwork
is perfect and compliments both the theme and words of this poem.


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018


Comment by
dragonpoet
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  Rank:  79
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  Rank:  60
 
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This poem makes me think that birds should not be pets. That they should always be free so they don't forget their heritage. I like how all the single lines rhyme and the meter of the abab quatrains.

Good luck and keep writing.

dp


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018



reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
    'Ya Think.

reply by dragonpoet on 20-Sep-2018
    I do. Have a good weekend.

    dp
Comment by
rhonnie69
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Children's Writer
 
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  Rank:  54
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  Rank:  171 (+1)
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  Rank:  76
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  Rank:  440
 
Excellent
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HELLO POET: I like your writing here because it reminds me of, "Tweety, bird, and, "Silvester the cat. With, "Taught I taw a puddy tat." in mind. I've imagined that, "Tweety," feels right at home, right where she is. Good work, poet. You made me laugh. Cordially: rhonnie69.


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018


Comment by
Neonewman
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  Rank:  234
 
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thoroughly enjoyed this awesome, well crafted piece you have delivered into this particular contest. "...Icy breezes spark memories of ancestors long ago..."
Great line
God bless
Steve


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018


Comment by
Dorothy Farrell
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  Rank:  36
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  Rank:  58
 
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Hi anon, a bird in a gilded cage, and happy to be there. A good rhyming poem describing the Ringneck Parakeet with rhyme maintained throughout. Good picture of the bird.

Fleeting sense memory reverts back to tame
fireplace is glowing and his human's over there.
Her sweet soft voice coos his perfect name;
his gilded cage lingers in warm, cozy air....... Lovely ending to the well written poem. Good luck in the contest. Warm regards Dorothy


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018


Comment by
Joan E.
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  Rank:  42
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 Rank:  34
 
Excellent
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Thank you for your additional notes about the Indian Ringneck Parakeets and the spectacular picture. Your rhymes and poem within a poem are very effective. Best wishes in the contest with this special ensemble. Big cheers- Joan


 Comment Written 20-Sep-2018


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