A Race To Save A Family
1,360 words. Can Lew stop the future from happening?
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Reviews from
Spin, Twirl, Fall


No one helps the injured.

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  64
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  25
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  28
Script Rating
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  Rank:  27
 

#5 Ranked Script Writer
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This 3-5-3 about dance, Spin, Twirl, Fall, has the right syllable count and points to the agony of defeat aspect of dancing as a life goal.


 Comment Written 29-Oct-2018


Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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  Rank:  9
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  Rank:  53
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 Rank:  4
 

#9 Ranked Poet

#4 Ranked Reviewer
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A very well-written 3-5-3 poem. Learning ballet is part of hurting, falling and often we would prefer to give up. The determined ballerina will continue despite the broken legs and toes.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2018



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
    Yes, they would continue. It is a brutal world at the high end. Other dancers wish broken bones on their competitors. It is almost a loveless world. But the dancers are some of the best athletes in the world.
Comment by
Galactia
 
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Hi

Excellent written poem. Perfect 3'5'3 syllable count across all lines.
You have done really well. Good Luck in the contest. It's saying i don't have 150 characters, well I do now. lol

Regards
Tia


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
    I get the same problem sometimes when reviewing. I have written pretty much the same thing that you did to polish it out. Thank you for your comments.
Comment by
Kelly Grim
 
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I like your title and first line too, but there's something about that awkward second line that I love! And the sad, bleak last line, as if no one at all cared! I like this entry... there is certainly a hint of misery here! Nicely done, mystery author!


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018



reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
    Thank you. The second line needs to be awkward. She fell. She broke her leg. An extra, off-line beat. Thanks again.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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 Rank:  199
 
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No one does come forward to help an injured person, as one has to carry on his own broken leg, and all there dance at the hall, but no one called for to see the injured; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018


Comment by
Impromptu Scribe
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A good example of 3-5-3 and an appropriate accompanying visual. A convincing portrayal of the years of tough training required and the often painful injuries sustained along the way, that go into making an accomplished professional ballet dancer. Clearly there is a lot of hardship and sacrifice, and just for a lucky few, maybe basking in the glory of an ecstatic and appreciative audience. The very title of the poem itself in fact encapsulates the uphill challenges - 'spin, twirl, fall' - 66% can be perfect, 33% can be your downfall. And don't expect any pity or favours - 'broken leg dance hall, no one called' - it conjurs up an image of a young and talented Russian girl, her sights set on the ballet crown, but from the wrong side of the tracks. Everything is stacked against her, except her own indomitable spirit to overcome adversity in all its forms. Good luck in the contest. Best wishes.


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018


Comment by
donette1914
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  Rank:  222
 
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wow this looks so painful
I'll look forward to your work next time
the words go well with the poem you made
I hope for the best in the contest
it was a pleasure
donette1914 oct 27 2018


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018


Comment by
Sharon Haiste
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  41 (+4)
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  6
 

#7 Ranked Author
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I think this is a good entry for the Dance writing prompt.
A little dark, but the message is clear.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018


Comment by
kiwisteveh
Level 1 Pro
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  Rank:  93
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  Rank:  317
 
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Ouch! I feel the pain revealed in your choice of artwork. I believe this kind of suffering is a fact of life for ballet dancers.

I do like the repeating rhyme, although I felt that 'dance hall' perhaps distracted a little from the 'story'. On the other hand the abandonment by friends and fellow dancers in your final line is a suitable twist and quite touching.

Steve


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018


Comment by
Donka Kristeva
 
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Very few words tell a story. Injuries in dancing are perhaps not un common, and the author makes a point that letting them to be overlooked may have serious consequences.


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2018


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