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Reviews from
Carrion/Restoration


In the beginning contest entry

  18 total reviews 
Comment by
barkingdog
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2013 #2 Ranked Novelist
 
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  Rank:  740
 
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It was here I really began to worry. ' "They're harmless birds, they can't hurt us." ' Can't they? I would read more, wondering what happens when they DO open the door. Fine opening.
In 'Restoration', I wonder if Tanner is dreaming or is this an abduction. To satisfy my curiosity, I'd read more. Thus a good initial hook.
Good luck in the contest.



 Comment Written 18-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 18-Jul-2019
    Thank you for the awesome review my, friend. I plan on turning both of them into novella's or manuscripts.
    Tanner has definitely been abducted and the birds will figure a way to become harmless.
Comment by
Sharon Haiste
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  Rank:  86 (+1)
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  Rank:  32
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  Rank:  109
 
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I think this is a good entry for the In The Beginning contest.
Both of your starts are interesting grabbers.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon


 Comment Written 04-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
    Thank you for the awesome review Sharon.
    God bless
    Steve
Comment by
sandramitchell
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Sandra Mitchell
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  Rank:  108
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  Rank:  20
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
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The first story was really spooky, and I wanted to know what would happen in the morning. I wasn't sure what happened next, we went into the second story and the baby, Tanner, was now a man and in a strange place. Perhaps I've got it wrong. But I really liked the first one. Good luck in the contest, :) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 04-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
    I am thinking about taking this one forward. Thank you for the awesome review.
    God bless
    Steve
Comment by
poesyapprentice
 
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Thank you for promoting your entry. It's appreciated. The second story start caught my attention and interest much more quickly than the first. I liked it better, as well. The total about-face the woman did in the first story was kind of odd/unnatural to me, along with the concern for the baby who was in its room away from the birds, but you write stories tons better than I could, and the smart comments that the man made were entertaining. No grammar or punctuation errors jumped out at me in either one. I wish you luck in the booth.


 Comment Written 04-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
    I think promoting them is necessary. Everyone's time is precious. Thank you for the awesome review.
    God bless
    Steve

reply by poesyapprentice on 07-Nov-2018
    I agree. Blessings to you!
Comment by
RGstar
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I must say, I was hooked on the first story. Almost something out of Hichcock's arena. Very well written, and had my attention, without doubt. I would have continued reading had there been much more.
Task accomplished, and the first, even by itself, deserved a sixth star of which I do not have.
Good luck with the competition.
My best wishes.
RGstar


 Comment Written 03-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
    Wow! Thank you RGstar for the awesome review my friend.
    God bless
    Steve

reply by RGstar on 07-Nov-2018
    Excellent write Steve, excellent.
    Best wishes.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  69 (+2)
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  Rank:  140
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  37
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
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Hi there, I liked both beginings to a story. You've complied perfectly with rules for the contest, insofar that you certainly grabbed my attention. In the first the birds are really a bit spooky. Will they be away the next morning? In the second, you really made me wonder whether Tanner would be killed or what else was going on. Good luck. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 03-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
    Thank you for the awesome review Ulla.
    God bless
    Steve
Comment by
meeshu
 
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you certainly have the beginning of two seriously intriguing stories there. your vivid imagination is shining through. good luck in the contest..


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
    Thank you for this most excellent review Meeshu.
    God bless
    Steve
Comment by
apky
 
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If asked, I think I would say I liked the first story better than the second. Perhaps this is because of the familiar domesticity in the story that the reader can easily relate to.

On the other hand, I felt a little out of my woods with the second story. I couldn't pinpoint whether it is some hallucination on the protagonist's part or whether the story itself was meant to sort of come across as scary.


"You're going to kill me aren't you? You're going (to) freaking kill me!"


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 02-Nov-2018
    Thank for the excellent review my friend and catching that bit of spag. The second one will be a bit macabre. It will take more time to develop.
    God bless
Comment by
tfawcus
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  Rank:  28
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  Rank:  16
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  Rank:  142
 
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Two spooky scenarios here. I'm not sure that I really see the connection between them, but they both work well individually.

Just one minor spag. Where you have written "work out regiment", I think you probably mean "work out regimen".
A regimen is a systematic plan, in particular a regulated system of diet and exercise. A regiment is a military unit.


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 02-Nov-2018
    Thank you Tony for catching that bit of spag my friend. I have gotten better at editing, but have a ways to go lol. The contest prompts us to create two beginning stories, I don't believe they are suppose to connect.
    God bless my friend.
Comment by
Sanku
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  Rank:  321 (+1)
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  Rank:  172
 
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There are two stories. Is it allowed in the contest?
Iboth the stories have a fearful element. The birds ,though they cant ring the bell their unusual presence is weird.
Second story can be interpreted in many ways. many questions and answers arise.
I liked the first better.


 Comment Written 02-Nov-2018



reply by the author on 02-Nov-2018
    Yes, the contest prompts us to write two story beginnings. Thank you Sanku for this excellent review and taking the time to review my work.
    God bless
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