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Haiku(Its time now over)


Haiku

  46 total reviews 
Comment by
Ogden
 
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The leaf's work is through, as it should be. It served no apparent purpose, except to look pretty. You, pretty or not, apparently have some more poetry left, so it looks like you'll be around for awhile, until you use it up. Take your time.

Ogden (Call me Don)


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
    Thank you

reply by Ogden on 18-Nov-2018
    You're very welcome.
    Don
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
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Gert sherwood Recommends:
Switch on the Light
Free verse
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Hello Sanku
Nice to meet you here on FS .
I like your haiku and the fact as I'm getting older I eventually will be detached from Earth into some where in God's universe,
Gert


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much. Nice to meet you too in this virtual world.

reply by Gert sherwood on 18-Nov-2018
    You are welcome Sanku
Comment by
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sandramitchell
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Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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Not knowing anything about Haikus, only that I enjoy reading some of them, I can't review on the style. But, the words, now they really hit home. In my 70s, I think a lot about such things as becoming detached from the thread of mortal life. Just like the autumn leaf falling gently from the branch. Excellent! :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much for your understanding and appreciating.
Comment by
Dorothy Farrell
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Hello Sanku, this is a lovely haiku written true to form with lines one and two interconnecting as they should. Your third line is a good satori, rather sad but so true. Good display. Warm regards and good luck in the contest. Dorothy x


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much
Comment by
TPAC
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Leaves do give that feeling of change, these occurrences not solely within the climate but in the nature of all living. Nicely phrased thought-provoking truth.


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much.
Comment by
Aussie
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Kace
 
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Interesting take on the change of seasons where the leaves fall from the trees, heralding the start of winter. If you are in the winter of your life, I am with you on that one.
Wishing you all the best for the contest.


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much.Yes I am ,I think at 62.
Comment by
Galactia
 
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Hi

Not a bad Haiku, I question the last line with the refference of your time will soon come, meaning death. I really liked the middle line and imyour Haiku is written in a perfectc5'7'5 syllable count.

Great job
Regards
Tia


 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much.
Comment by
Mastery
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Semper Fi
 
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 Rank:  55
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
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You know oddly enough, at 79, I have felt that way, myself. Strange how when we are younger we think we are invincible. Than as we get older, and older, we wonder when our time is coming. I do at least. Good job on this haiku, Sanku.

Bless you, Bob


 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
    Thank you .I know it was a bit over the top . two of my very close relatives are going through precarious stages, healthwise .One is 62 ,same age as me.These days I come to this site as a means of escapism.It reduces my anxiety.
    hats off to you At 79 you have achieved so much. Your family must be very proud of you.-Santha.
Comment by
LIJ Red
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Now, is that not easing into senryu territory, when you begin to relate to human nature? Hey, pay me no mind, I am still trying to learn about Haiku. I have learned to count syllables, at least...17 of them here...excellent...


 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
    The real haiku is supposed to be a nature scene and the third line is supposed to connect to human emotions.Then a variety of haikus are floating around .I am not sure what is right any more. Then the first two lines are should be grammatically connected.This also many are not following. recently someone told me it should not be in past tense.
    Thank you very much.
Comment by
Lady Jane
 
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It's time now over
an autumn leaf falls detached
soon my turn will come. - edit suggestion

its time is over
detached autumn leaf now falls
soon my turn will come

Just a suggestion - it's should be its in line one and usually, haikus don't utilize capitalization so I uncapitalized your sentences. Also, for your title, it should read like this:

Haiku(its time is over)

I wish you the best of luck in the contest with this beautiful penning. Just a bit o tweaking and you'll have a mighty fine entry, dear Sanku. Good luck and keep writing. Your perspective is fresh and your writing, unique!
Janelle


 Comment Written 13-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
    The first two lines of a haiku. arent they supposed to be grammatically connected? that's why I wrote"it's time now over,the detache...."
    thank you for the suggestions .I will uncapitalize the first word and make the second lineas you suggested .but check with someone and tell me if my theiry about the first two lines are right or wrong.

reply by Lady Jane on 14-Nov-2018
    Yes, but it?s means it is- but its references the leaf-personifying.

    It is time now over doesn?t read correctly-

    Its time now over - is grammatically correct- if I?m reading your poem correctly ;-)

reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
    You are right .I must have been crazy to write ITS as IT's.
    Thank you so much for taking the trouble .
    The print is small and I didnt actuall notice the apostophe.

reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
    Thank you once again.
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