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Reviews from
A Summer Night


Flash fiction

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
2020 Recognized Writer of the Year
lyenochka
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  14
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  5
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  2
 

#4 Ranked Author
#5 Ranked Novelist

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I like how you start with the sound of an owl's hoot and end with an owl's hoot. And in between, there is some drama of the unknown follower that adds suspense. And the call for help (dialing 100) is not for the main character but for the baby which puts it all in perspective as to what is most important.


Some formatting comments:
"after a night show.
A faint" (I think this starts a new paragraph so a blank line should separate it from the previous sentence.)

"progress.With" (space needed here)

"loud.
It would" (I think these sentences should be in the same paragraph and not separated in two different lines.)


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2018


reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
    Thank you very much for this thoughtful comments.
    I am sorry for the delay in replying .was going thro some personal crisis.
Comment by
Aussie
Premier Author
Kace
 
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  Rank:  155
 
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I don't have a six so, ****** stars for you. Your flash fiction is excellent and I wish you all the best in the contest. Depravity is right. At least the bairn could have been left at a church or somewhere it would be found quickly. Very well written as usual.
Best wishes my friend XXK.


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
    Thank you very much. Sorry for the delay in replying.It had been quite hectic on different levelsThank you for the thinking of six stars

reply by Aussie on 05-Dec-2018
    We didn't win so have a very Happy Christmas you. Love, Kay.
Comment by
Kiera Haley
 
 
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I like the eerie tone of the piece, but your syntax and grammar could use some work. I would replace "can" with "could" in the second sentence. I would replace the third sentence with something like "Perhaps they fed on the mice that scurried down the alleyways". In the sentence after that, I would take out the word unhurriedly, because you already wrote that he "strolled" which implies that he was not in a hurry. You write that the sound of a gate alerted Philip and then begin a new sentence stating that he heard footsteps, but I recommend putting the two sentences together so it reads something like "the sound of a gate opening and closing alerted Philip to the sound of steady footsteps behind him". One other thing that struck me was the phrasing "into the Temple street" which I recommend replacing with "onto Temple Street". Overall, I think the piece has potential and I like the content, I would just suggest more in-depth description to give the piece a greater impact.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much for taking the trouble of writing such detailed review. I have made four corrections based on your suggestions.
    I will look forward to similar help from you in my future posts( if there are any!)
    Thanks once again
Comment by
jenintorre
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  87
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  176
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I really enjoyed reading your flash fiction. I must admit that it was a very surprising ending, I didn't expect that. Very well written. I wish you good luck in the competition. Cheers Jen.


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
    Thank you very much once again for these beautiful stars . I am sorry for the delay in replying.
Comment by
Sally Law
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  37
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Review Stars
  Rank:  15
 
Excellent
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This was very well done! Outstanding! You built the suspense at the get go. I knew it was something sinister, done under the cloak of darkness! Yes, one more example of human depravity and lostness. Why not take the babe to a hospital? Someone I know was abandoned as a baby, put in a trash can at Grand Central Station. This has been her lifelong woe. What heartbreak!
All my best,
Sally


 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
    Thank you very much.I know .the best thing would have been to take the baby to the station. But India is a different story , hospitals may refuse to admit a abandoned baby from a private individual.from a police it is different .Does not make any sense. I know
Comment by
nassus1957
 
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Yes, mothers sometimes can be so heartless to eave a crying, newly born baby in a trash bin. I like the way you presented the story building up suspense with such intensity until the discovery of the baby. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
    Thank you very much.
Comment by
Lady Jane
 
Review Stars
 
 
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As he strolled along unhurriedly(,) he looked at the clear, star studded sky. No clouds scudding along and a half moon hung as if suspended from invisible threads.

He turned (onto) Marshal's Road.

As he turned left into the Temple Street(,) he looked back once again.

progress.With a chilly disquiet - needs a space between period and 'With'

"Good movie, sir?", - edit suggestion:
"Good movie, sir," a yawning Ramki asked opening the gate.

onto the bins.But he had carefully lowered it. - needs a space between period and "But"

He chided himself.At 72 he'd better keep away from other people's business. - edit suggestion:

He chided himself(.) At 72(,) he'd better keep away from other people's business.

"My (G)od(,) Ramki(!) It's a baby!"

It would barely be three or four days old. - edit suggestion
The baby could barely be three or four days old.

Did not see that ending coming. I made a few suggestions for edits, but the write was intriguing and flowed well. I wish you all the best of luck, dear in the contest. :)
janelle


 Comment Written 24-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 24-Nov-2018
    Thank you very much for reading and taking care to write such detailed review.
    I will make the corrections.
    I am just starting to write such short posts. i want to get experience before attempting longer ones

reply by Lady Jane on 25-Nov-2018
    Anytime you need help or a second set Of eyes, I?d be glad to help ;-)
    Janelle
Comment by
kiwijenny
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Sanku. How horrible. How inhumane. I know this is flash fiction but it is unthinkable that this is based on a true story...oh my it hurts.
"See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 18:10
God bless


 Comment Written 24-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
    Thank you very much and I am sorry for the delay is going thro a difficult patch..
Comment by
miajaffri
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Your story had suspense. I wanted to keep reading to find out more. Finding an article in the news, is a good place to find an idea for a story. I will have to try that.


 Comment Written 24-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
    Thank you very much.True What happens in the real world is always reported.. a good source for stories.
Comment by
zanya
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  64
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  76
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A gripping rendition here in this Flash Fiction of what we humans are capable of doing to our own species- as the suspense builds so effectively the reader is drawn deep into the action - well done


 Comment Written 24-Nov-2018


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
    Thank you very much for these lovely stars. Sorry for the delay in replying. was going through some tough times Still am
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