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Reviews from
My Old Clock


Tanka 3-7-7-5-3

  19 total reviews 
Comment by
Six-Star Writer
 
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I like the message in this poem. The reference to time continuing no matter what. I had to put a clock radio I'd own for about fifteen years out to pasture tonight. It was old and wouldn't allow me to wake up to music anymore, so I bought a new clock radio. I can talk to it, and it can talk to me.


 Comment Written 05-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
    Glad you liked this one. I kinda liked it too. I have a lot of old things I talk to, including myself. LOL Thanks for the great review. mike
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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  Rank:  59 (+2)
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  Rank:  103
 
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I do like this one mike, and in particular the reference to the stuck second hand but still the time goes by no matter what. This one looks like someone's treasure,
cheers.
valda


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2018


Comment by
BOO ghost
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Nice looking tanka. There is a deep appreciation for sentimental objects like this.

Has metamorphic meaning.

The clock tick-tocks...

Just like as we age, we become broken, but time does not stop until our batteries are gone. We need to be wound up.

BOO-tastic!


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2018


Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
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  Rank:  14 (+1)
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  Rank:  24
 
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Well this is fantastic, Mav. Those clocks hold so many memories, thoughts images and always time goes by whether the second hand works or not.

A superb job and I wish you great luck with the Contest Committee. :)

Ange


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2018
    Thanks so much, Ange. I know the committee don't cotton to these non-conformists counts and all. But, I'm pleased you liked this and satisfied with that. :)) mav
Comment by
Mark D. R.
5-7-5 or Haiku
 
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  Rank:  55 (+1)
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  Rank:  97
 
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Terrific tight text imagery combined with the excellent illustration gets my applause for your posting.

the unsweeping second hand is a great phrase, as is your imagery of the dust on the mantle

'regardless' works for me as your Haiku-like satori (-;


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018


Comment by
nordicgirl
 
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Not sure I understand what a tanka poem really is. Anyway, I love this poem and how the words tie in together while delivering your message. Unsweeping/brushes, very cool. NG


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018


Comment by
tfawcus
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  Rank:  58
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
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A very nicely constructed Tanka using the more traditional abbreviated Japanese form. It ticks all the boxes for me, with a strong pivot, and a good satori in the last two lines. I also liked the incidental connection between unsweeping and brushes.


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018


Comment by
Liz O'Neill
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Your placement of words is very appropriate to the message and mood. The first verse sets the mood and the final verse completes the mood. You do report a resistant factor in the 3rd verse. Amazing how true that is. But I bet you wouldn't trade that old clock for a new one. Well written. You win often. There is a reason. You are a very good writer.


 Comment Written 06-Dec-2018


Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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 Rank:  52
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
St. Louis Chapter 23 part 1
McKenzie and Logan make plans for the day.
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#5 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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For some reason, I think old clocks have character. I am not exactly sure why, I guess because I'm sure if they could talk they would have a story to tell. I enjoyed reading your contest entry and wish you the best of luck.


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2018


Comment by
Sefiros
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I like the finality of time described here. We may chart our time through devices and techniques, and we might age and die, our inventions may become obsolete, but Time keeps going, reaching past us and our descendants, onward and onward; a constant in the universe. Nice job.


 Comment Written 05-Dec-2018


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