I like the message in this poem. The reference to time continuing no matter what. I had to put a clock radio I'd own for about fifteen years out to pasture tonight. It was old and wouldn't allow me to wake up to music anymore, so I bought a new clock radio. I can talk to it, and it can talk to me.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
Glad you liked this one. I kinda liked it too. I have a lot of old things I talk to, including myself. LOL Thanks for the great review. mike
A very nicely constructed Tanka using the more traditional abbreviated Japanese form. It ticks all the boxes for me, with a strong pivot, and a good satori in the last two lines. I also liked the incidental connection between unsweeping and brushes.
Your placement of words is very appropriate to the message and mood. The first verse sets the mood and the final verse completes the mood. You do report a resistant factor in the 3rd verse. Amazing how true that is. But I bet you wouldn't trade that old clock for a new one. Well written. You win often. There is a reason. You are a very good writer.
For some reason, I think old clocks have character. I am not exactly sure why, I guess because I'm sure if they could talk they would have a story to tell. I enjoyed reading your contest entry and wish you the best of luck.
I like the finality of time described here. We may chart our time through devices and techniques, and we might age and die, our inventions may become obsolete, but Time keeps going, reaching past us and our descendants, onward and onward; a constant in the universe. Nice job.