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Reviews from
Child-ish Laborer


How I almost lived with Tarzan.

  35 total reviews 
Comment by
Sis Cat
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wonderful, Lee, and congratulations on your well-deserved win. I loved this. It epitomizes everything I love about your writing--keen sense of language, dialogue, character, and humor, as in this exchange:

Oh, if she could have heard the choice words racing around my brain.

"Don't think I can't hear that, Young Man."

Flippin' super-mom super-powers!

Your writing is very cinematic as I can see your story unfold before my eyes. Without question, you are the most entertaining writer here on FanStory, and you deserve all of the accolades you can get.

Sorry to say, this will be my last month at FanStory as I am closing my account to focus on my writing. I am reviewing more to say goodbye to you and to thank you for all you have done and taught me. You are truly an inspiring writer right up there with Mark Twain. One again, thank you.

Cheers,

Andre


 Comment Written 24-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
    Thank you so much for all your kind words, Andre. I'm sorry you're leaving, but FS can be time-consuming--I get it. I'll miss your posts and your astute reviews. I'd try to talk you out of leaving, but it's clear you've staked out a different path.
    I wish you success that surpasses your loftiest aspirations. Get it done, Andre. I hope we cross paths again.

    Peace, Lee

reply by Sis Cat on 27-Dec-2018
    Yes, Lee, FanStory can be time-consuming. I just received word that a poem I held back from FanStory has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. The editor of the journal is demanding I send in more work. As much as I love FanStory, it feels great to be published, paid, and in demand outside of FS. I'm making the right decision to leave. For three years and sixteen submissions of FS poems, I tried to get into San Francisco's most prestigious journal, Quiet Lightning. They rejected all of the poems, stories, and songs I wrote on FS. So I decided to take a chance and write something I would never share on FS, and Quiet Lightning published it. Now that poem has been nominated for a national literary award. I need to wrap things up here on FS and get off as soon as possible to focus on my writing. It has been a great pleasure being inspired, entertained, and instructed by you.

reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
    I'm thrilled for you, Andre. This nomination is sheer validation. Use it, my friend. Now, you've inspired me. Reach for the real stars, Andre. They're within your grasp. I'll see you at a book signing. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Liz O'Neill
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  326
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  44
Review Stars
  Rank:  126
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You have used one of my favorite figure of speech, alliteration. People don't always do that well in stories, more in poetry. But you made it count. Our cartoons were interrupted because we had to run up the hill for religion class for an hour. We got early to enjoy the test pattern. i like you allusions too. They make it more fun. They also might cause the reader to scramble for information on these historical character mentioned. I like how you described your relationship with your mother. I has a similar tone to other stories told through the child's point of view. This is well written.


 Comment Written 23-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
    Thanks so much, Liz. Yes, I like inserting poetic turns of phrase into my prose. I'm glad you noticed. And I'm delighted you enjoyed the story. Peace, Lee
Comment by
Ms. Snyder
 
Poet Rating
 
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Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I laughed so hard at all the little nuances of your writing. You are in my short list of top writers at this time because of your wit, dialogue and ability to touch on things that we have both experienced or I have a specific reference to. This was a great true story; and I am happy to lose to you in this contest. You definitely deserved to win and get all time best and my six stars as soon as they were replaced. I would have offered them to the 2nd part of Heartburn Sally, but I didn't have them. I am so glad that I fanned you before finding out that you were my competition. I don't hold a candle to your style of writing! I could only hope and wish to glean better skills from reading tons more of what you write! Thank you for such an enjoyable read! One last thing...I wish you would have used the real f word! Cheers, Fonda


 Comment Written 23-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 26-Dec-2018
    Thanks so much, Fonda. Winning site contests is allows gratifying, but it's a crap shoot, too. You never know what you're up against. I really enjoy writing, and all I really want to do is entertain. I'm glad you enjoyed. If I did use the real f word, some sour puss would've raised a stink. Besides, euphemisms are just as much fun. Thank you again. Peace, Lee

reply by Ms. Snyder on 26-Dec-2018
    Hey Lee,
    Yes I know what you mean about the sourpusses! I have encountered the PC police of Fan Story and they hate me. I am a rebel unfortunately but yes you're right and I am so grateful to have found your writing!! It is fantastic! I think I reviewed you a few times in short number of days because I couldn't get enough! LOL - Nice to meet you Lee! Peace and Cheers, Fonda
Comment by
seken58
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  325
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  584
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I really liked the normality and readability of this fine tale.
It's not always easy to get inside a characters' head and drag out an interesting, witty and spell binding tell.
I guess it is so much easier when you have instant recall and the subject is you.
Quite an enjoyable read and a very worthy contest winner.


 Comment Written 22-Dec-2018


Comment by
evilynne
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  Rank:  524
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Congratulations on your win! Your story is well written and funny. I am still giggling. Your words paint a wonderful picture of how you viewed the injustice of your mother's demands. Evi


 Comment Written 21-Dec-2018


Comment by
Contests
 
 

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.


 Comment Written 21-Dec-2018


Comment by
Adri7enne
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  Rank:  767
 
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" Didn't she realize that's why schools were closed?" Lol! We all thought the world was fabricated just for us when we were kids - well, those of us who had relatively normal childhoods, anyway.

Always a pleasure to read your childhood memories. Sounds like an old black and white TV show. Much enjoyed. Good luck in the contest.




 Comment Written 15-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
    Thank you, Adri7enne. Yes, I guess my childhood was pretty run-of-the-mill. Of course, I had no means by which to compare in those days. So glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
IndianaIrish
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  Rank:  669
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I just was so entertained by your story, hw, that I wished there was more...like a carryover into Sunday and your comments about dressing up for church. Did you get to play baseball at least on Sunday? LOL loved your story and laughed out loud at Smart Guy's backtalk and your Mom's witty comments and stealth super powers. Outstanding story, dear WordWeaver. Best wishes with the judges.
Smiles,
Indy :-)


 Comment Written 15-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
    Thank you, Indy. You know there will always be another Camden Street story coming down the pike. I'll bet you were a superpowers mom. No backtalk for you! Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment by
rtobaygo
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Good morning, Lee

Enjoyed the post. Virtual six. Loved the perception through a child's eyes, your rational regarding the mundane -- I hated chores. 'Chores' was just another name for enforced labor, and labor deserved no rightful place in my kid-lexicon. Whatsmore, as far as I could smell, baths served no useful purpose beyond soiling towels--which would then have to be laundered, creating yet more senseless toil for next Saturday. A blind Venetian could spot the idiocy.

The descriptions were spot on --

Our modest, two-story Camden Street house boasted fourteen double-sash windows, two glass storm doors, and two inner doors with several glass panes apiece. On that chilly Saturday, I'd been intimate with the outside of each and every one.

Loved the images --Our modest, two-story Camden Street house boasted fourteen double-sash windows, two glass storm doors, and two inner doors with several glass panes apiece. On that chilly Saturday, I'd been intimate with the outside of each and every one

I can't believe the amount of chores you had every Saturday. Fortunately my Saturdays focused in the sports and those after school as well. My chores were limited to snow removal, yard maintenance, dishes, garbage and the occasional whirl with the vacuum cleaner.

How old where you Lee?

Well Done!

Take care and stay safe,

Ray


 Comment Written 14-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
    Thank you, Ray. Oh, not every Saturday was as arduous as this one. But they all began and ended with chores--and a moody mother. I reckon I was about 7 on this particular Saturday. Looking back, it wasn't the chores I hated most. It was the regimentation.

    So glad you enjoyed, Ray. Thank you again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  61
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  151
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Lee Allen--you did a great job with this true story entry. Full of personality and deep POV. Great descriptive detail, diction and self-characterization from a younger perspective. Enjoyed it! Entertaining as always, and well paced.

I love this sentence:

While I managed to laze my way through most school days on a combination of glib wit, aw-shucks-charm, and lucky guesses, Saturdays posed much tougher sloth-ing challenges.


This too: In Mom's eyes, I was merely a reluctant Saturday slave.

A blind venetian could spot the idiocy.

Shouldn't Venetian be capped>

The e(E)arth is made of dirt, folks. Geez, live with it!


Adorable artistic alliteration: she woke up with the Scary Saturday Scowl . . .

*optional suggestion:

She pulled the bowl away. "You're full. Run upstairs, strip your bed(,) and bring the sheets down to the basement."


LOL:
Cripes. All the best cartoons aired on Saturday mornings. Didn't she realize that's why schools were closed?


CUTE POV: Girl cooties in tu-tus? I'd rather eat booger and peanut butter sandwiches.

HEE HEE: her left eyebrow raised to near orbital apogee. Nothing conveyed doom like Mom's left eyebrow.


* "Don has a job(,) and Linda's at dance class.

LOL:

I didn't know who freakin' Hoover was, but I hated him down to his jammy toenails.

LOL: Some guy called Newton figured that out when he ate an apple. It went in, it came out. Pure science . . . but gross.


LOL:
Lunch break consisted of tuna on Wonder and a glass of milk--a thinly veiled version of bread and water.

CUTE:

Jumpin' jaspers! Not the windows. I'd rather be sentenced to life on Devil's Island. Or attend dance classes.

ADORABLE: Too freakin' much was what I wanted to say, but self-edited on the fly . . . an adjustment that most likely saved my life.

Great closing...love this:
That night, I dreamed about going to live with Tarzan. I'll bet he never had to vacuum his tree house.


This was a hoot. Thanks for the chuckles!

Warmly,
rd


 Comment Written 13-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
    Thanks for another great review, rd. You always like best the parts I like best. I consider that validation. I agree with, and have made all your suggested changes. I appreciate the help.

    My recollections of Camden Street remain vivid, so it's easy for me to slip into 'little boy thinking'. I suppose I'm just emulating Jean Shepherd, but I suppose he emulated someone else. In any case I'm glad you find these Camden Street stories entertaining. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by rama devi on 15-Dec-2018
    Thanks for your lovely response. Great to hear--no wonder the POV sounds so authentic! Warm Smiles, rd
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