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Reviews from
it is you, fair moon


lune-contest entry

  9 total reviews 
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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  Rank:  60
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  Rank:  98
 
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What I like, and what struck me straight off is the sadness of your words - cradles my crushed heart - but the moon pic you've chosen is the smiley moon..
hedging your bets and having fun mike, enjoyed it.
cheers,
valda


 Comment Written 22-Dec-2018


Comment by
GregoryCody
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Exceptional
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Love the assonance in you and moon, alliteration in the S with safely, cradlES and cassonance in the hard C. It's crazy how many poetic tools you used in just a few words. Not to mention a deep message. I really like this my friend!


 Comment Written 20-Dec-2018


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Liz O'Neill
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Oh wow. So precious a concept. I can picture the image. The moon has such quietness, no need for words. When we have a broken heart, the last thing we need is words. Well expressed.


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018


Comment by
rama devi
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Poignant and impacting in so few words. A well done lune, aptly addressed to the moon. Cradles and crushed make great alliterative effect! Would be great to fit in crescent in there!

Example;

It's you, crescent moon,


Fair works fine, though, too.

Good luck!

Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018



reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
    Aww ... thanks so much. Big smiles. So pleased you enjoyed. "Crescent" is very enticing, but I like the double meaning of "fair" quite a bit. You do have me torn though. :)) mike

reply by rama devi on 20-Dec-2018
    :-)))
Comment by
patcelaw
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Michael, this is a great lune poem for the contest. Many blessings for your day and I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Patricia


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018


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Pantygynt
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That is a rather lovely little saying in the classic lune form with some neat alliteration on the CR sound in the final line. Well thought out and constructed. The crescent shape is not unlike the idea of a cradle.


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018


Comment by
Tootsie55
 
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Good work, mate. So much said in so few words. Good luck in the contest.Now to write enough words to satisfy FS. You chose a good picture for this as well. See you around.


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018


Comment by
BOO ghost
 
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Has metamorphic meaning.

The crescent moon does resemble a rocking cradle.

Your transparent spirit can float to the moon, soar like a Loon in a dream...

Exceptional Loon! Rats! BOO used up his nuggets

Good luck in the money contest!!


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018


Comment by
country ranch writer
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nice presentation for this short but sweet poem. Broken hearts sometimes end on the phase of the moon but it is the heart that really suffers when it is over.


 Comment Written 18-Dec-2018


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