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Loop Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 2 Days

My Faith
Deadline: Oct 30th

Halloween Flash Fiction
Deadline: Oct 31st

Halloween Poetry
Deadline: Oct 31st

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Deadline: Nov 2nd


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Reviews from
I've Arrived


... How do you like me now

  87 total reviews 
Comment by
called2rite
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Looking at things with eyes of a child, how sweet the innocence of children. No wonder we should become as little children with without looking at things in the cynical life's viewpoint. I like the unspoken implication here. Good writing.


 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019


Comment by
taurist
 
 
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Stayed with memory/dream. The cadence you created was wonderful. But I got lost at the end. A quick interruption of character I understand, but you sacrificed the rhythm of the words. And I didn't reference why the rapid close. My opinion, please.


 Comment Written 19-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 19-Jan-2019
    Hey... I went in to edit the piece at some point and somehow screwed it up at the bottom... thanks ever so for the heads ups kiddo... yours, diana
Comment by
Earl Corp
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  Rank:  30
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  Rank:  30
 
Earl Corp Recommends:
Slicker Than an Oil Stain
Not everything always goes to plan
Pays:10 points
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Excellent
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When life was still new for me I used to pick up bumple bees. My mom kept telling me not to. sure enough one drilled me in the hand and I learned not to do that anymore. I guess the takeaway is while everyone needs to encounter thorns and bee stings in life, but it's best to put it off as long as we can. Very nice job.


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    So, with that prologue, I?ll start my story ? if you?re still with me.

reply by Earl Corp on 11-Jan-2019
    I'm not understanding what you're asking?
Comment by
Rhonda Skinner
 
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What a sweet poem. I loved the part about being dressed in frills and mom being optimistic she'd stay clean. I wasn't sure about the use of the word wallow though. Loved the curious free-spirited little girl. A well-written poem. Thanks for sharing it.


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    So, with that prologue, I?ll start my story ? if you?re still with me.
Comment by
Joy Graham
I think in ink
Write on!
 
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Hello Mystery Poet,

That is an adorable picture to shine above your contest entry poem :) The picture alone brings memories to mind of my own, "When Life Was Still Fun" moments. I wish you the best in this contest.

Joy xx


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    Thanks so much thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours
Comment by
RichardFann
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.
Liked the optimistic Mom versus the Tomboy.

What a revelation to read about being young,
and giggling with joy.

Brings back my happy days.

The scene is well-described, and takes us into it straightaway.

Liked the picture and harmonised colours, and the choice of script.
Important details, that inspire me with new ideas.

Well done,

Richard.


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    Hello Richard I did look up... ashley de la souch... I'm a little bit smarter now... thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
Maria Jose Garcia
 
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This is such a beautiful description of the delights of childhood. I particularly like the last line: it´s a bit sad, but also kind of prophetic.
Lovely presentation as well.
Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    Hello again Maria... thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
WryWriter
 
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This lovely poem does a great job showing the wonderment felt by children on seeing things for the first time. The ending gives the reader a whole different perspective--bittersweet--innocence meets reality. Something no one escapes.

A suggestion below for your consideration:

The morning seemed so magical.
The earth felt warm and new.

(Since "new" is used in the first stanza "brand-new" as an end rhyme, perhaps change the wording for this end rhyme)

The morning seemed so magical.
The earth felt warm, wind blew.

Enjoyed this poem very much.


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    Hello WryWriter... Thanks so much for your sage and useful review... yours, diana
Comment by
visionary1234
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  Rank:  219
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A fun nostalgia piece for this entry! A couple of awkward phrasings here and there (optimistic I'd stay clean - the 'that' is rather missed. I know it would mess up your rhythm, but I had to go back and read it twice, wondering if it was 'optimistic, I'd stay clean' etc ... nice not to have any uncertainty. But the general tone of the piece is really delightful!
:)Sharyn


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
Kiera Haley
 
 
Excellent
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Keep in mind that I'm an amateur reviewer and you are free to disregard my suggestions as you see fit. This is really cute and I enjoyed the rhyming. I don't love the second use of "new" because it feels like unnecessary repetition used merely for the purpose of rhyme. I really love the part about wallowing and referring to the mother's desire for her to stay clean as "unrequited dreams". One thing I want to suggest is changing the line "lunch, Mom called, just in time" to "called away by the promise of lunch" or "suddenly called away for lunch" or something like that and then taking away the very last line about being saved by the bell. The reason I suggest this is that I feel it might make the ending more ironic by insinuating that she was saved rather than directly pointing it out, if that makes any sense.


 Comment Written 10-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
    Thanks so much Kiera for you sage suggestions... I really appreciate you and your thoughts... yours, diana
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