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Share A Story In A Poem
Deadline: In 4 Days

2-4-2 Poetry
Deadline: In 5 Days

Nonet Poetry Contest
Deadline: Dec 4th

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Deadline: Dec 7th

5-7-5 Poetry
Deadline: Dec 10th


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Reviews from
I've Arrived


... How do you like me now

  87 total reviews 
Comment by
Adam Bartlett
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
 
Good
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Great work! The poem flows very smoothly and is very readable. It evokes vivid images and takes you back to a simpler time.

The only reason I gave you four stars is that I would revise the "poor Mom and her unrealistic dream" line. "Unrealistic" is five syllables and kind of throws off the rhythm and flow of the poem. I think it could be quickly improved by replacing "unrealistic" with "silly" or "crazy". A simple word would also make it sound more childlike, fitting with the tone of the poem.

Good luck in the contest, though! This should do well.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
    Thanks so much I agree with you... the poor didn't work... I would love it if you would give a second read... yours, diana
Comment by
Mastery
Published Author
Semper Fi
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  49
 

#5 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Wow! Just Wow! This is real poetry, my friend. I love every single line of it. Rare. I especially liked the way you ended it all. very clever and true to life itself. Bravo! Bob

I will be willing to bet you will win with this poetry in the contest. :)


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    Mastery what a joy to find you here... I'm am truly honored for your blanket of stars and grateful for your thoughts... thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana

reply by Mastery on 11-Jan-2019
    :) Bob
Comment by
Mrs. KT
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  10
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  38
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  71
 

#10 Ranked Poet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello Mystery Author!
What a sweet and memorable poem for the "When Life Was Still Fun" contest prompt. Rich in visual imagery, and the last line is ever so true that "Life's thorns would wait." Oh, to be that young and carefree again! Also smiled when I read the "tomboy" reference: that was me totally!
Rhymes are strong and lines flow well!
Best Wishes!

diane


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
Pantygynt
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  99
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  4
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  18
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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This is a new contest idea and I would say you have risen very well to the challenge. There is an element of rhyme, or rather, assonance, in the second lines of these couplets that come grouped in fours twice and twos once, if that makes sense, which I think it does. I keptr wondering whether that final line should actually be there as part of the poem or whether it would be better off in an explanatory note.

You see, I think we get the point without the explanation and the poem would be 'stronger' without it. That's just my opinion.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    This was a great review and helpful thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
2019 Short Works Writer of the Year
Ideasaregems-Dawn
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  60
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  22
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  39
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  161
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Aww, LOL! "Life's thorns would wait."

'Perspectives'
a poem by Dawn

I was going to write my poem here, as your review, but instead I'll just say it -- your poem inspires. It's a walk down memory lane for me, but more, it is a poignant reminder of how things should really be...

Well done, Diana.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 11-Jan-2019
    You're very welcome.
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  3
 

#2 Ranked Poet

#3 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
These moments in time are to treasure and to savour for the memories of the future, as you say, live in the moment and laf's thorns can wait, a pleasure to read, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
mmonaghan777
 
Review Stars
 
 
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Ah! Perfect moral at the end! Great rhyming with the thoughts of the child as she went through the garden. I could see where she was heading which I thought might have been a mud puddle but between the roses and lunch a great ending.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
TPAC
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  175
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I found this a charming read, given composition strong and well presented, delighting adventure of a young girl freed in nature. I too have similar account touching of my past as well. All in my opinion of this write.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  7
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  100
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  4
 

#7 Ranked Poet

#4 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A very well-written poem about the time life was fun and we did not have a care in the world. Although we tried to stay clean for Mom's sake it was just one of those things we could not control.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment by
melodymavic
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Beautiful. Sounds like a kid who went for a stroll in the garden. Looking at the scenery and assume she's daydreaming. The moment she heard lunch, that's a wake up call. Back to reality. Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
    thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
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