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Reviews from
Lazy Slug Holiday (EVERYDAY!)


Amphion Poem-Potlatch Challenge

  21 total reviews 
Comment by
damommy
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I didn't know you'd posted for Potlatch. Thank you so much. I love this about the snails. Slugs to need to be honored. I hope you continue to join us.


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2019


Comment by
Ms. Snyder
 
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Hi Mike,
It's Fonda - what are you saying here - can you teach a little more about this... The Amphion:
¢?? a poem of 10 lines.
¢?? metered, tetrameter lines alternate with sets of rhymed dimeter > I fixed the spelling of (couplets) - I think you had it spelled wrong as cuplets.

I don't know what were you saying in the author notes the a?? I can't understand it. Also, explain tetrameter - could you - I am trying to get it - and I don't - I get meter but tetra? Is it always 4 syllable lines - and is it always da Dum/da Dum/da Dum/da Dum/da Dum? and what is Dimeter - how many meters are there?
Do you know of a site where they list them? How do you know the tempo?
Whenever I ask Siri - He, tells me that Tetra it is brightly colored tropical fish. Sometimes he doesn't give me the answer that I am looking for. So you being the Recognized Writer that you are - I like coming to you as the source in this poem to find out. Also, I still can't get the advanced editor to cooperate with me - I don't think my software is new enough to work with it. So I guess it is back to the drawing board so to speak. By the way slugs with party hats - neat concept to write about - also I like the poem a lot. I like the way that you have used some interesting words like slick, groove, lazy, profound, tale to incorporate into your poem about them. Some line-up and some are really far off. But overall it is a great poem. Cheers, Fonda


 Comment Written 18-Jan-2019


Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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What I want to know is where did you find that photo, or did you take it? Good description of a slugs life in this Amphion mike.
And that is the great thing about Potlatch, trying new forms that we wouldn't otherwise find.
cheers,
valda


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2019


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LisaMay
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This work has reached the exceptional level
I chanced upon your poem while grazing the postings. I am new to FanStory and intrigued by its possibilities to stretch my writing. Your poem was a perfect revelation about different rhyme schemes to utilise. Thank you for challenging yourself and coming up with this humorous little number.
It may not have a tale to tell
but you told it very well.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


Comment by
Tootsie55
 
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Good work, mate and yuck for the picture hehe. A very SLUGGISH party, what! Looks l9ike a few good olf DS spags along the way there, mate. Good seeing you around.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


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Mrs. KT
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Hey Michael,
Slick Amphion that has a neat beat and is fun. The form, as I understand it, is correct as well.
One problem, however, is that you have used "lay" incorrectly. Lay must take a direct object as it is a transitive verb. So... to rest or recline is "lie" = intransitive verb = no object. Thus, those little slugs "lie around." And perhaps instead of "day" you mght choose "this lazy nigh."


Take Care,

diane

Thanks for sharing!


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


Comment by
Joy Graham
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Oh my goodness! Those slugs are enormous! Ewwwwwwww. We used to see them on the trails on Vancouver Island, but they were not THAT big. Where are these guys from?

Yours is the second amphion poem I have read today. It has appeal and I quite like it and will give it a try later today.

Joy xx


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


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Sarkems
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Well, this is a bit of fun. I'm quite fond of slugs myself, except when I stand barefoot on my patio in the night having a smoke and feel a squelch between my toes.

I'm going to assume you've mastered the form, because you are diligent like that, and when I read form details, what arrives in my brain is, 'spaghetti, fudge, broccolli', but I enjoyed the fun subject. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


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Pantygynt
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This potlatch challenge has indeed produced some interesting stuff. I think you have hit the nail on the head with your remark in the notes. Sometimes having to do something produces something special that you never suspected would crop up.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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A very well-written Amphion poem about the lazy slug holiday which is every day. I never saw a slug in a hurry to go to work. He has his house on his back when he gets tired he can just go to sleep.


 Comment Written 09-Jan-2019


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