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Deadline: Jun 8th


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Reviews from
Cuddle Me!


5-7-5 poem contest

  5 total reviews 
Comment by
Ms. Snyder
 
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Hi Richard,
It's Fonda - just stopping by to read and review something that you've written - again. I see you liked CammyCards art - I do too! I have something of hers in my portfolio. A very fun 5-7-5 for Easter - I like the colors you have chosen as well as the artwork. However, the nose looks pink to me, must be my laptop. LOL. Looking for your response to my reply to your inquiry.


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
    .
    Fonda,

    Faux Pas! Didn't realise it was an Easter Bunny pic when I wrote the poem!
    HaHa.
    Do now.
    Anyway, come easter may write a Radio Script with Bunny as hero.
    Like Watership Down.
    But mine - comic.

    Have not mastered the FanStory comments system yet.

    Re your enquiry, If this is the right place to say it, my proposition is:

    Whenever you meet someone, either for first time or 1000th time,
    they tell you everything apart from the most interesting thing.
    Their desires, their dreams, their innermost imaginings.

    So I never get to know whether theirs are similar to mine.

    There is on FanStory a funny Build-A-Book system,
    where a skeleton is presented by the Initiator,
    then each reader can add a chapter by filling in their own story, or experiences, or ideas.

    Not sure if I have the courage to be the Initiator and start a book on:

    Para 1: The chances I missed;
    Para 2: The chances I fluffed;
    Para 3: Sexual fantasies.

    Possibly I'd get blacklisted by the many prudes on FanStory.

    Thanks,

    Richard.


Comment by
Susanjohn
Level 2 Pro
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Well who wouldn't want to cuddle a cute little bunny sweet as honey? maybe even a floral bunny...at least a floral bunny will smell nice huh? :-) good luck in the contest...fun read. :-)


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
    .
    Hi Susan,

    Thanks for your wit! And your kind comments, and your humour.

    For first time, realised I can choose a pic, then write about it.

    Turning my universe upside down, as it were.

    Thanks,
    Richard

reply by Susanjohn on 13-Jan-2019
    upside down, right side up...ya gotta be you! :-)

reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
    Thanks, Susan,
    Probably am not in the contest as my original last line had only 4 syllables.
    Senior moment!
    My next poem may be about a white cat. Have found a nice pic of a white cat.
    It deserves to be honoured with a poem!
    Thanks,
    Richard.
    PS Just posted a humorous girlie script. The Reunion. With copious explanations.
    Can you have a look at it please. I need some advice from a sensible woman. Thanks again.

reply by Susanjohn on 14-Jan-2019
    ha! sensible woman?? lol have ya read my poetry..:-) my heart leads the way.. But, i will for sure get to reading it, might be day or two..crazy busy start to my week. :-) have a great day!!

reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
    .
    Susan,

    Have read your poetry now.
    All those awards!!
    Am blown away.
    Hope your crazy week turns out well for you.
    In the meantime, will read more of your poems.

    PS: Are you in the photo for "Lil Flower Girl?" Such a great photo. The drama!

    Thanks,

    Richard.

    PPS: Visited a friend this afternoon. Great to get out of the house. Am retired. Plus my awful back-in-pain is getting better. The right ointment.

    PPPS Am doing a radio script on Tennis. Will need a tennis fan on FanStory to check it out, no hurry.

reply by Susanjohn on 14-Jan-2019
    Nope...not me in the pic ( a friend).. back pain??.. :-) what ointment are you using??

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
    .
    Susan.
    Am using a Chinese cream that smells like germoline! Haha. Got up this morning and had a v.bad twinge. A bit better now. Relying on Plato's Hypothesis "Time's a great healer" haha!
    Thanks
    Richard.
    PS: am writing my Serena tennis script today. Tomorrow will try the Michael Cahill challenge to Save Planet Earth or some such.

reply by Susanjohn on 15-Jan-2019
    Ah good ole Plato!. sending a pm..

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
    .
    Susan,

    Not sure if this is the correct box to use, but would welcome your critique on my script "Penalty Point for Serena."

    Thanks,
    Richard.

reply by Susanjohn on 15-Jan-2019
    Sure, I'll get to it tonight. :-)
Comment by
2016 Poet Of The Year
Dean Kuch
Premier Author
Some people dre...
 
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This 5-7-5 poem sounds like something someone might write for Easter, Richard.
There's nothing wrong with that, mind you. I'm merely making an observation.
Not only have you written a 5-7-5, you managed to add rhyme to the mix as well.

Nice work.
 photo cooltext210450993103317_zpsnaocmzmr.png


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
    .
    Kuch,

    Great moving image; great comment.

    Thanks

    Richard.

reply by Dean Kuch on 12-Jan-2019
    Anytime...

reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
    .
    Thanks Dean,

    I found the pic then wrote the poem, Forgot it was an Easter Bunny.

    We all need an Easter Bunny.

    This is a funny Easter bunny, that likes to eat honey, and is well into the financial markets, to make money.

    Thanks,

    Richard.

Comment by
Mark D. R.
5-7-5 or Haiku
 
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Oops! Count your last line - only four syllables unless you are from the South and draw out your words ...LOL. Consider 'sweeter than honey'

Do like Easter-like colors for picture, text, and background. Nice rhyming for each line.

I know punctuation is not a big deal in these 5-7-5 verses, but I will pose: is the 'red' an adjective for 'round'? If not, consider adding a comma after 'red.' This nose is red and round. LOL


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
    '
    Mark,
    Thanks for your advice.
    Completely miscounted last line.
    Now corrected.

    Re punctuation, usually try to get it right but often use
    poetic licence if punctuation appears to slow the pace of the poem.

    But I know nothing of the 5-7-5 format, as am an absolute beginner re poetry.

    Could you advise me, had I written thus, would that be within the rules?

    floral pink bunny
    round red nose very funny
    as sweet as honey

    I prefer no punctuation.

    Thanks.

    PS I fear the original 5 7 4 will not pass the criteria.

    Richard.


reply by Mark D. R. on 12-Jan-2019
    Richard,

    Like you I am a newbie to poetry of any kind. But for my entertainment and brain exercise, I try to write/post daily. I too go for poetic license, but some FS reviewers may harshly critique this. My go-to style for writing or reviewing is mainly 5-7-5 or Haiku verse. You may want to check out the following free site for posted Haiku verses at: theHaikuFoundation.org. On this site, there are no fees to post and no funny money earned for reviews. At this site, their posted Haiku does not always follow the 5-7-5 format. Only their moderator decides on whether to post or not, and there are no stars awarded - they either post your submittal or not. So their review and post validates your verse in their eyes and not other reviewers.

    Going forward, I want to write more traditional Haiku with the third line as a satori, or 'aha moment.' So even with my 5-7-5 verses, I strive to include this 'aha moment'. In my opinion, it is difficult to successfully accomplish. Take a look at my recent FS post: "5-7-5 El Capitan: stairway to heaven" for my 'aha-like' final line.

    For sure, the FS critics/reviewers and administrators would not let your 5-7-4 fly for a 5-7-5 contest.

    I would reconsider: drop all capitalization for these short verses unless a proper name. Punctuation can be omitted IMHO, but often is necessary to convey a specific message or control your flow.

    Your revision in this note differs from what you have now edited on FanStory.

    I still like 'sweeter than honey' as an option, but in the end you have the final say in 'your' post. Your intent is that the red nose is funny, so adding 'very' does not make a difference, but I have no idea then how the line should be rewritten with another two syllable word. But here, I would add a comma before 'very funny.'

    I hope my comments are constructive to you.

    Mark
Comment by
Janice Canerdy
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You have made effective use of every syllable in this adorable 5-7-5, written about one the cutest creatures to observe. When I was a kid, we had rabbits. My, how they multiplied!


 Comment Written 11-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
    .
    Janice,

    Thanks for your brill review.

    PS have improved it now to give 5 syllables on the last line.

    [Senior moment.]

    Thanks for you personal experience.

    Rabbits do multiply, and that's an idea for my next poem:

    "The Joy of Multiplication,"

    which will be in the 'Math Tutorial' category,
    of course.

    Keep writing,

    Thanks,

    Richard.
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