Lay of the Land
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Reviews from
Coeden Wrachod (Witches' Wood)


Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Ifan Efans Ddhu"

A tale in five parts.

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
trimple
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Good afternoon, Jim

Oh, I just loved this superb story and your telling of it.

Ifan is captivated by the beautiful women who is the protector of the oaks, but there has to be a spanner in the works at some point. You have produced a splendid feel to this story that has your reader as captivated as Ifan is towards Deryth.

My only quibble was your description of Deryth's eyes.--

amazingly beautiful, violet-hued eyes.

The fact that her eyes are violet, is striking enough and I wondered if by overly describing them, you dampened that fact.

I can't wait for the next chapter.

kind regards

tracey




 Comment Written 29-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
    Thank you for this excellent review. I take your point about the eyes and i wonder if you will still feel the same by the end of the whole story. I do hope you stay with this as I would be most interestred to know of your opinion at the end.

reply by trimple on 29-Jan-2019
    Hi there, Jim

    I'm about to find out :)

    LOving this story.
Comment by
ciliverde
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This story reminds me of the selkie tale, where the woman eventually returns to the sea. Will she become an oak in the end, and what about their daughter?

I have a few minor suggestions -
"gazed steadily at Ifan through amazingly beautiful, violet-hued eyes" Maybe think of another way to indicate that her eyes are amazingly beautiful: brilliant, perhaps? So the reader can decide how beautiful they are...

as the years passed by the child grew into the very image of her mother, the same lilywhite (lily-white or lily white) skin, the same raven black (I feel like this should be raven-black) hair"

y = u as in cup unless it is in the last syllable when it = y as in tidy. and also, in words/names like Gwyn which is pronounced Gwin (?)
Carol


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    You will have to wait and see won't you. Thanks for a great review and six stars as well. That will push this one into recognised status. Great!

    Yes I did feel when I wrote it that the bit about the eyes might be open to improvement. I think you are right about the other colourful suggestions too.

    As for the the pronunciation comment I can't see any problem there. I am not sure why you are querying it.
Comment by
sandramitchell
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Sandra Mitchell
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I'm loving this. What a lovely story so far, but I've got a horrid feeling something will go wrong. Those names a beautiful, the oak is my favourite of all trees, they are so grand and majestic. Ok, off to read the next part! :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    But these oaks, as you can see in the picture have been 'got at'. This story is all about how that came to happen or at least how I though it just might have. Many thanks for reviewing.
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Ulla
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Awe, Jim, I liked this a lot. This story comes from the heart of Wales a part of the world I like so much. When I lived in Britain I often travelled to Wales, walking touring and horse riding. So I can identify with this lovely fairytale. I'm looking forward to reading on. All best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 24-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    I didn't realise you were such a Gallophile. Well, that is all to the good. Thank you for this complimentary review. I am currently working on a sequel to this tale which is right up your street set in the waters of the Bristol Channel and complete with a mermaid.

reply by Ulla on 25-Jan-2019
    That certainly sounds right up my street. I've sailed in The English Channel. And a mermaid! Looking forward to it. :))

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    This will be the Bristol Channel that seoarates the north coasts of Cornwall, Devon and Somerset from the south coast of Wales.
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aryr
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An interesting tale indeed. I am sure that Deryth was of course the witch since she had an affiliation with the oak trees and she protected them. Their daughter, Derwen, was like wise. I really appreciated the narrative notes which helped in the pronunciation. This was very enjoyable and I eagerly await the next chapter. It had a wonderful reading flow.


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
    Thank you for this lovely review, especially that comment about the flow. That is much appreciated.

reply by aryr on 24-Jan-2019
    You are most welcome.
Comment by
Joy Graham
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This is a fine chapter, dear PG :) You have great descriptions and there is a magical feel to the forest. We certainly jumped forward in time. My little mind conjures up many imaginative scenarios about what is to come. I'll leave the language issues to you and choose to read in my own language of down home Canadian English.

Looking forward to the next chapter. Expecting the trees to be able to talk like in Lord of the Rings :) I give you my last six of the week.

Joy xx


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
    Ah well you will be disappointed there then. The trees do not have a say in this it all goes on around them. Many thanks for the review and expecially for the six stars. The next instalment will be out tomorrow.
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Treischel
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all these Welsh words give this so much authenticity. You introduce us to the woodsman. And then the mysterious maiden - a Dryad. He's given a choice. who wouldn't take it. It even seems to be working out well. I have a hunch that are about to change, Intriguing.


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
    That hunch of your could be right, Tom. You have been reading too many fairy storie I can see. Many thanks for the review. My aim over the five instalments is one every other day so stay tuned. Many thanks for the review.
Comment by
tfawcus
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Ah, the mysterious lady who offers her all in exchange for what seems on the surface to be a comparatively minor favour. Definitely the kind of bargain that will need balancing at some time in the future. Great storytelling in the classic mould. This Welsh equivalent of the Dryad is almost as fascinating to your readers as she is to Ifan. The connection between the oak tree and Celtic lore is one with great potential for your story. Glad I saved a six for it.


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
    Many thanks for this enthusiastic review and the six stars that came with it. Years ago when I was delivering flour from my mill I came across a woman with violet eyes. I thought them unusually attractive. I have never come across eyes like that since but they made such an impression on me that I thought now was the time to bring tham out of my memory and endow them on my Celtic dryad.

    Next episode in a couple of days.
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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I'm thinking there is more to Deryth than we yet know. An interesting bargain between her and Ifan. He was a touch peeved - I'm thinking I should remember that for future chapters. Enjoyable read, look forward to reading more,
cheers,
valda


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
    And I am thinking you could indeed be right. Many thanks for reading and reviewing. Next episode in a couple of days
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Sandra du Plessis
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A very well-written interesting and informative chapter of the story of Ivan Evans and his great fortune to meet a beautiful woman that become his wife and a beautiful girl a result.


 Comment Written 23-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
    Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this.
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