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Reviews from
Coeden Wrachod (Witches' Wood)


Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "All Good Things..."

A tale in five parts.

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
BeasPeas
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  Rank:  39
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  Rank:  13
 
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This is an excellent chapter to your story. Interesting and well composed. Story flows well throughout and the reader wonders what will happen next. Marilyn


 Comment Written 12-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 13-Feb-2019
    Thank you for this review. i am pleased you saw fit to comment even when the money's gone.
Comment by
Brigitte Elko
 
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This is an excellent story, well written and leaves the reader to want more. I was enthralled all the way through and cursed Ifan as promises were broken. It tells of life and consequences. It should do well in the contest and I wish you the best of luck. It has my vote.

Brigitte


 Comment Written 10-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
    Thank you so much for this review and your vote in the contest. I am most grateful.
Comment by
robyn corum
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  Rank:  37
 
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Jim,

So far, in reading all the entries for the BOM, yours is hands-down my fav. YAY! I wish I had known about this from the start. I had no idea you wrote much prose. So glad you do, though!

What I love about this story is that it tiptoes right on the line between reality and fairy tale land. There's something very magical about it and extremely fun. There's a feeling that anything can happen. And that's awesome!

If you don't mind, I do have a few comments for you. Things for you to double-check:
1.) strangely skilled and beautiful 21 year(-)old.
--> Almost every editor will ask you to spell out any numbers under ten, and a large number of editors will ask for any number under one hundred to be spelled out. It's a good habit to get into to just spell them all out. (But that's a personal choice.)

2.) Though still a single storey, there was now a separate bedroom for Derwen, as well as a master bedroom,
--> making the other a master bedroom
--> otherwise, makes it sounds like these are both new

3.) She never goes that far from the cottage in that direction.
--> She never goes far from the cottage in that direction.

4.) The idea plagued him daily, and inevitably he eventually succumbed.
--> do not need both 'inevitably' and 'eventually'


That's it! Much good luck to you!


 Comment Written 09-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
    You are welcome to dive into my portfolio for the rest. It is only five chapters long. Another one has just started involving the same man, Ifan.

    I get these ideas sometimes and have to follow them up. Perhaps this interest at this time is a reaction from the tanka a day of last year.

    Many thanks for pointing out those anomalies. I know full well about the no numeral rule and only the other day chided someone in my rhyme class for putting numerals inbto a poem. I should have known better and will be chnging it.

    In fact he would have built both rooms on new. That kind of cottage built for single occupancy would initially have had only one room in which everything would have happened. In which case though it still was not phrased properly. I will be looking at it again also. As for points 3 and 4. I agree with 4 but not with 3 as it is a specific distance.

    This was a first class review and deserves a 'thumb' which you will get if I still have one available.

reply by robyn corum on 10-Feb-2019
    For #3 how bout ?she never goes TOO far from the cottage in that direction ??
    ?> trying to avoid two ?thats ?

reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
    Yes that would be fine that would! Lol.
Comment by
trimple
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I knew it!

Ifan, his ole legs tiring as he ages, have prompted him to go back on his word to Deryth. He returns home to find her gone as she sees what he is about to do on the summit of the woodland, and their daughter, who as yet, has not revealed her especially clever skills, is sulking in her room...

eager to trick country bumpkins into taking the king's shilling.

the ageing forester looked upon the tall and straight trees that grew closely around his own cottage with increasing desire. -- neediness?


But she had gone, swallowed up in the gathering dusk of the autumn evening

and

Eventually[,] he fell into a troubled sleep while the full moon shone its cold beams accusingly through the window, the only witness to his utter despair. -- All Splendid descriptions, Jim.

This is a wee gripper :)

kind regards

tracey




 Comment Written 29-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
    Still grabbing you it seems. many thanks for this review.
Comment by
Jamie P
 
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Your final notes are so incredibly helpful! I found that this was quite an enjoyable read. It took me back to some old fairy tales I grew up on. If I had to add something to work on, it would be that it seemed a bit abrupt. Something about being caught and the feeling of that moment in a more expansive way might be interesting.


 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
    Thank you for reading and reviewing I don't recall being reviewed by you before but perhaps iot might feel less abrupt were you to start at the beginning..
Comment by
Treischel
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An excellent synopisis of events in the 22 year period. I particularly liked the Navy press gangs and other methods of recruitment.

Not sure what pannage is, but from your usage, I assume it is the right to hunt.

Funny how an idea can gnaw at someone. The temptation is coming to fruition.

Oh, Oh, trouble is brewing as she saw him. You leave us there to ponder what is next.



 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jan-2019
    I thought I had put an explanation of pannage in my notes, but if i did they have slipped away. Sorry. Pannage is the right to run pigs in an area of forest, that allows them to root around and basically fend for themselves while remaining the property of their owners rather than being wild animals.

    Thanks for reviewing. There will be another chapter posted this afternoon.
Comment by
MissMerri
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  Rank:  26
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  Rank:  215
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I enjoyed this second chapter as much as I did the first. The story has a mysterious quality to it that makes it intriguing and reminds me of reading fairy-tales as a child. There is always an element of suspense, and in your use of language, a rare beauty that makes the reading experience especially pleasurable. You do have a typo in this paragraph: ".... declared as she turned away into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her, and leaving Ifan Efans Ddhu (Dhu) slumped in misery in his chair in front of a plate of uneaten Welsh cakes as the fire died in the grate." I find very few errors of any kind in your work. You must be a careful editor. This is a neat story. MM


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jan-2019
    Thank you for the kind review and wonderful stars. I am so pleased you are enjoying the story. It is a kind of fairy story in its way although my fairies are not the twee little winged folk of the Victorian fake photos, but more the stuff of Celtic legend - a kind of parallel society if you will.

    Thanks for spotting that typo, which I have now addressed.
Comment by
Sarkems
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A brilliant chapter from you. Engaging, great pace, effortless to read. I was willing him not to touch the trees; of course his wife would know. I want so much to see how this turns out. I wanted to cry when he went home and she had gone. I also like your welsh pronunciations at the end. I've a good ear for sound a replication of said sound, but find welsh sounds difficult to make.


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    Some say that pronouncing their language is the only thing the Welsh are good at, but that is unfair. I am so pleased that you are gettting caught up in this story as so many are. Thank you so much for your complimentary review and wonderful stars.
Comment by
ciliverde
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I know I shouldn't give you two six star ratings, but I really love your story and it truly feels magical in this chapter. The name Deryth is so lovely. Anyway, she's gone and what will he do now? Will Derwen stay or join her mother? I imagine we will return soon to our modern walker, who will likely come across the story :))
Carol


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    Another six. How lovely. Thank you. Two more chapters to go before we meet the Rottweiler again. So there is quite a bit to come. I am so pleased this is going so well with everyone who has reviewed it. People are getting really caught up in the tale.
Comment by
aryr
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An enjoyable and interesting chapter to read. It had a comfortable flow to it, even though I somewhat sensed the departure of Deryth. Even though he had not cut any of the trees, he had marked them and in doing so betrayed the trust. She was protecting her forest. I was a little surprised that Derwen remained. But I am sure there is a reason.


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    I love the way you reviewers are becoming involved with this story . That is really encouraging. thanks for this complimentary review. All will become clear eventually and gradually.

reply by aryr on 25-Jan-2019
    You are so welcome, I liked the 'eventually and clearly'. (smile)
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