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Reviews from
Gun For Hire


Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Unexpected stop"

First the war...the marshal

  2 total reviews 
Comment by
country ranch writer
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Premier Reader
 
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  Rank:  289
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  Rank:  119
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  Rank:  212
 
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A Gallant RESCUE OF THE BOY AND GLAD HE STUCK AROUND TO HER THEM IN THEIR TIME OF NEED FOR IT WAS A BIT MUCH FOR A YOUNG CHILD TO HANDLE ALL BY HIMSELF.


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    Thank you for your excellent rating and your kind comments. Thank you, Catherin.
Comment by
2018 Short Works Writer of the Year
Mustang Patty
 
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Hi there,

You did a good job of phonetically portraying this dialect. Whenever you tell a story with a lot of dialogue, it is important that the narrative be clear and concise. The reader will be distracted enough by trying to puzzle out what the characters are saying.

a few notes:

'...dress holding a shot gun shotgun steps...' Always use the compound form of the word when there is one.

'...in the wood pile and even less to cut.' Same thing as the previous note.

'With the sun desending descending on the western horizon+, In a piece where you are purposely misspelling words to show a certain dialect, you need to have all the other narrative free of spelling errors. You need a comma after this introductory phrase.

'Gazing into + the depth of the ebony night she is quiet, unmoving I doubt she will reply.' Missing the article 'the' in this sentence.

'Staying in the pines+, I stayed away from other rebs and yanks roaming the countryside. Need the comma after the introductory phrase 'staying in the pines.'

'Grinning with pride+, I reply,' Same as the previous note.

One of the things I tell my students in creative writing is to read the piece OUT LOUD in your first edit. Sometimes you can hear the errors in grammar. Next, I recommend the use of a good style guide. The text I use in my class is 'Elements of Style 2017.' My students enjoy the way it is laid out, and in an easy to read style.

I hope my notes are helpful.

~Mustang Patty~


 Comment Written 25-Jan-2019



reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
    Thank you for your constructive review. I always look for ways to improve my creative endeavors. Catherin
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