This is really clever. You tell a great story, something that is only between the lines of the original. Poor old Eddie - wouldn't keep his trap shut.
I thought you might enjoy my own take on 'Stopping by Woods' written a few years ago...
These are my woods I think you know.
I'm glad to see them fill with snow;
It hides the fact that I am here,
The things I do and where I go.
Your little horse knows danger's near;
To warn you of the lurking fear
He gives his harness bells a shake.
O, you should listen, brother dear.
You stole my love, your first mistake.
Now you must pay for my heart's ache.
The snow hides secrets dark and deep
between the woods and frozen lake.
The woods are lonely, dark and deep;
Those promises you'll never keep.
Beneath the frozen lake you'll sleep.
With her, beneath the lake you'll sleep.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
Thanks for the review and for sharing your really cool Robert-Frost-Meets-Stephen-King poem. I like how it not only sticks to the original interlocking rhyme scheme, but the actual rhymes also. I wrote another poem based on Stopping By Woods... a while back also.
Stopping by the Mall on a Snowy Evening
I think there used to be woods here
Where in the days of yesteryear
A man did pause amidst the trees
And let his soul to God draw near
But now there is an Applebees
And rows and rows of SUVs
And shoppers rush about unblessed
By simple sylvan certainties
A snowstorm coming from the west
Creates delay and makes them stressed
The man who paused here long ago
Observes them from his place of rest
He wishes he could make them know
The sacred secret of the snow
But all too focused are their sights
On getting where they need to go
The snowflakes glisten in headlights
Their other-worldliness invites
Quiescence from chaotic nights
And passage to their haven?s heights
reply by kiwisteveh on 26-Feb-2019
It must be a piece that invites parallels and parodies. Good luck in your contest, by the way.
You did a great job with your remastering of the original, Mystery Author. That is one of my favorite poems. Your version tells a great story, although with a sad POV that is true. Good job and thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Jan
First I love this poem by Robert Frost (the masterpiece). But your rendition is not only a good rendition of this masterpiece remastered, but it had me really laughing hard. Not only was I speaking like a Goodfella's thug - but I was having flashbacks to the '80s and a not so... well I digress. Back to your review, it is a great rhyme scheme that I found quite fun to read. I also noted that I think you might need to be a fan of this movie to really enjoy it to the fullest. But maybe some people on Fan Story will enjoy it regardless - others may run from the idea of it which will be a shame - I think you did an excellent job! Cheers, Fonda
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2019
Thanks for the review - I'm glad you survived the eighties.
Well - that is a 100% success in writing to get to a different place than the original you have drawn from. Brilliantly conceived as an idea and cleverly executed (no pun intended).
Lots a character in the narrative and humorous too.
This appears to be a tough contest in terms of the high standard of the entries, but I wish you the very best with this piece, which I found refreshingly different.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
Thanks, Phill. I've read a couple of the other entries and I agree - there are some real good ones.