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Reviews from
Whack Job


Fast Eddie falls out of favor with the Goodfellas

  8 total reviews 
Comment by
kiwisteveh
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  Rank:  93
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  Rank:  317
 
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This is really clever. You tell a great story, something that is only between the lines of the original. Poor old Eddie - wouldn't keep his trap shut.

I thought you might enjoy my own take on 'Stopping by Woods' written a few years ago...

These are my woods I think you know.
I'm glad to see them fill with snow;
It hides the fact that I am here,
The things I do and where I go.

Your little horse knows danger's near;
To warn you of the lurking fear
He gives his harness bells a shake.
O, you should listen, brother dear.

You stole my love, your first mistake.
Now you must pay for my heart's ache.
The snow hides secrets dark and deep
between the woods and frozen lake.

The woods are lonely, dark and deep;
Those promises you'll never keep.
Beneath the frozen lake you'll sleep.
With her, beneath the lake you'll sleep.

Steve


 Comment Written 26-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
    Thanks for the review and for sharing your really cool Robert-Frost-Meets-Stephen-King poem. I like how it not only sticks to the original interlocking rhyme scheme, but the actual rhymes also. I wrote another poem based on Stopping By Woods... a while back also.

    Stopping by the Mall on a Snowy Evening

    I think there used to be woods here
    Where in the days of yesteryear
    A man did pause amidst the trees
    And let his soul to God draw near

    But now there is an Applebees
    And rows and rows of SUVs
    And shoppers rush about unblessed
    By simple sylvan certainties

    A snowstorm coming from the west
    Creates delay and makes them stressed
    The man who paused here long ago
    Observes them from his place of rest

    He wishes he could make them know
    The sacred secret of the snow
    But all too focused are their sights
    On getting where they need to go

    The snowflakes glisten in headlights
    Their other-worldliness invites
    Quiescence from chaotic nights
    And passage to their haven?s heights


reply by kiwisteveh on 26-Feb-2019
    It must be a piece that invites parallels and parodies. Good luck in your contest, by the way.

    Steve
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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  Rank:  14
 

#7 Ranked Poet
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You did a great job with your remastering of the original, Mystery Author. That is one of my favorite poems. Your version tells a great story, although with a sad POV that is true. Good job and thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Jan


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
    Thanks, Jan. The original is a favorite of mine.
Comment by
Rachelle Allen
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This is hysterical, Mystery Writer! Mingia! I wonder if Robert Frost is turning over in his (not watery) grave. I like the injection of humor into this contest. Good luck with this entry. xo


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
    Thanks, Rachelle. Yeah, I'm guessing Robert is not amused.
Comment by
CathyM
 
 
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I thought this was great and funny. I smiled throughout. You took a Frost poem about snow and woods and turned it into a wonderful Whack job! Nice job on changing it up!


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
    Thanks, Cathy. The contest asked for entries to be unlike the original, so I figured a mob guy getting whacked would fill that bill.
Comment by
Ms. Snyder
 
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Poet,
First I love this poem by Robert Frost (the masterpiece). But your rendition is not only a good rendition of this masterpiece remastered, but it had me really laughing hard. Not only was I speaking like a Goodfella's thug - but I was having flashbacks to the '80s and a not so... well I digress. Back to your review, it is a great rhyme scheme that I found quite fun to read. I also noted that I think you might need to be a fan of this movie to really enjoy it to the fullest. But maybe some people on Fan Story will enjoy it regardless - others may run from the idea of it which will be a shame - I think you did an excellent job! Cheers, Fonda


 Comment Written 25-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 25-Feb-2019
    Thanks for the review - I'm glad you survived the eighties.

reply by Ms. Snyder on 25-Feb-2019
    Me too! Cheers
Comment by
phill doran
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Hello Anon
Well - that is a 100% success in writing to get to a different place than the original you have drawn from. Brilliantly conceived as an idea and cleverly executed (no pun intended).
Lots a character in the narrative and humorous too.
This appears to be a tough contest in terms of the high standard of the entries, but I wish you the very best with this piece, which I found refreshingly different.
cheers
phill


 Comment Written 08-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
    Thanks, Phill. I've read a couple of the other entries and I agree - there are some real good ones.
Comment by
Janice Canerdy
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  Rank:  11
 
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This is a well-written, humorous parody poem--but it makes a serious point
about drug abuse. This Frost poem is a fun one to parody. I've written one
too.


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
    Thanks so much - at first I had a photo of mobsters that I think made the topic more obvious, but then I saw that the contest didn't allow photos. I'm glad the theme and humor came through anyway.
Comment by
24chas
 
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I really enjoyed this read, unknown poet. In fact, I liked it better than the original. I'm not a big fan of Frost and yours read much smoother to me. Nice job and good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
    Thanks - the original has a uniques sound, so I'm glad the flow of this one came through
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