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Reviews from
A Motley Crew


story-poem

  30 total reviews 
Comment by
Rachelle Allen
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Ohhh, Mystery Author! How you teased us here more than once - thinking you were going to cause harm to your wards, first with your axe, then in the stew pot. Tsk, tsk, tsk. This was such a fun read. The picture, well, that's another matter entirely. Eek. But it did grab my attention! Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
    Thank you :)
Comment by
JudyE
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Battery hens have a terrible life. They must think they'd died and gone to heaven when someone rescues them. I picked up two small errors. You write 'our breathless clock'. Should that be 'cock'?

And second last verse 'the hen's new home' -- the apostrophe should be after 'hens'. Thanks for an enjoyable poem.


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2019


Comment by
2018 Short Works Writer of the Year
Mustang Patty
 
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Dear Anonymous Poet,

Thank you for sharing this lovely story in a poem about hens. Yes, they provide a great service - they lay eggs to feed us, and when the mood strikes us, we can kill them for their meat.

Your story glorifies them in a way I've never seen them. I hated gathering the eggs on my aunt's farm. I hated their smell, and for a long time - and even to this day - I do not like chicken.

Good luck to you in the contest,

~Mustang Patty~


 Comment Written 17-Feb-2019


Comment by
nancyjam
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  Rank:  155
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Great rhyming in this cute story/poem and a good entry in the contest.
So the cock had his way with the hens but they found a good home
and now live in comfort supplying you with eggs galore.
Great story.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
    Thank you, Nancy.

    I appreciate your review and good luck wishes
Comment by
Suzie Q
 
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Wonderful story made even better by beautiful rhyme. The photo really set the stage for your poem. It's hard to single out a line or phrase but I especially liked " But settled now by grasses green ( the only grass they've ever known), they wear their combs like regal queens, with feathers preened and fully grown" Well said! Good luck in the contest


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
    Thank you, Suzie

reply by Suzie Q on 20-Feb-2019
    You're welcome
Comment by
susand3022
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  Rank:  23
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  Rank:  17
 

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Hello Author! This is a fun story in a poem... makes you guess in a couple of spots! I do have one small suggestion for you, just a punctuation movement to help with the cadence... instead of, "and, with a mighty swipe, I chopped a pile of wood beside the glade." you might try, "and with a mighty swipe I chopped, a pile of wood beside the glade." (I was sure a feathered friend was about to lose it's head!) I love the story! A fun write!


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
    Hello there, Susan

    Thank you for your helpful review and stars

    I have made the edits you suggest. Also, I've broken the lines up a bit more.

    Could you please take a further look to see if this is better now, please?

    kind regards

reply by susand3022 on 16-Feb-2019
    Dear Author... have you perhaps been relying on Grammarly for your punctuation in this? I have a distinct feeling that you are! While the punctuation in the lines is all 'correct' grammatically it loses your cadence which is why I asked you to change the line I asked you to change. If you'll look at the line above it you'll notice the same problem as below. What you want to do is read it aloud. Feel your pauses, where you want them to be as opposed to where Grammarly wants them to be. Remember that this is poetry, not prose, and the same rules don't have to apply! Feel free to ask for a third look! :)

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
    Hi there, Susan. Okay... So now I have read my pulse as you recommend.

reply by susand3022 on 16-Feb-2019
    I love it! It's so much better now. You've totally got it. This time less is definately more. Letting the reader find their own rythm as they read is better than dropping in punctuation and forcing them to stumble as they read... I'm going to have to remember that one myself... the reading out loud definately helps though doesn't it? I learned that one in a college English class years ago... one of the best things I ever learned as far as poetry is concerned. Good Luck!!!

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
    You are absolutely right. Thank you so much for taking time and being thorough with your review. I have nominated you :)

    I agree it looks much better now.

    Thanks again

reply by susand3022 on 16-Feb-2019
    You're very welcome... anytime... and thank you! :)

reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
    :)
Comment by
Joy Graham
I think in ink
Write on!
 
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Hello Mystery Poet,

That's a cute picture and story poem combination. I wish you could break your lines into smaller lines so they look more presentable on the page. It feels a bit messy to me.

Best wishes in the voting booh.

Joy xx

P.S. I'd be inclined to start a new line after the commas and periods so your first stanza would be four even lines, and the same for each following stanza.


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 16-Feb-2019
    Good evening to you, Joy.

    Thank you for your review and stars.


    Funnily enough, I was just in the process of breaking the lines up.

    Would you be kind enough to take a second look to see if this looks better now, please?

    Kind regards
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  20
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  Rank:  3
 

#5 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Poet

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Such a wonderful offering you have here! Absolutely love your creation of the images and the emotions that accompany the hens and the bounty they can provide when well cared for!! :) ;) Thanx for sharing such a wonderful story -- best of luck at the polls! ;)


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
    Thank you, Yvette

    much appreciated
Comment by
called2rite
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A good story within the poem of what transpires in the nature realm and the how we must be considerate of creatures, even if the end result is not what we enjoy doing.


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
    Thank you!
Comment by
24chas
 
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This was a great read, unknown poet. I really liked the flow of this one and I couldn't help thinking how this would be a nice little book with illustrations. Nice job.


 Comment Written 16-Feb-2019



reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
    Thank you :)
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