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6 total reviews
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Comment by 2019 Poet of the Year | | Premier Author | | Premier Reader | | Poet Rating     Rank: 1 | Author Rating For Short Works      | Author Rating For Novels      | Review Stars           
       Rank: 2 | | |
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I liked the contrast between the calm act of knitting and the disaster at the mine! I could picture the characters and the sorrow, I wish you luck with the contest, you get my vote, love Dolly x
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Comment Written 01-Mar-2019 |
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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2019
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Christine,
Thanks for your review.
The original aim was to do a Jurassic Park, where the cast get chewed up for a reason.
Here, the original story, the Krebs mine disaster, is much more complicated.
So I simply told part of a generic story via the Grans.
Just before writing, I got a big "sayings and phrases" type book from Calke Abbey second hand bookshop.
Then I discovered half the sayings were American. So I stuffed in as many in as possible.
Of course most non-Americans are not aware of them!
As 100 died at Krebs, I originally wanted to repeat the macabre news 100 times. But a bit OTT, so reduced it drastically.
Also got quotes from a hymn book, which is full of good lines to say over the dead.
Also, I noticed that nearly all hymns start off with a scene on earth and then, on or before the last verse, you end up in heaven, with the glorious host.
Maybe congregations have always been made up of old people!
Thanks,
Richard.
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Comment by | | | | Review Stars  | | |
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Hello, I liked that you took a historical event and wrote a screenplay about it. That being said, a screenplay has specific formatting, and there are software e.g. Final Draft, and Movie online to help you grasp the general spacing standards. The scene heading is a one-line description of the location, time of day of a scene, known as a "slugline." When the narrative describes the events of the scene it is written in the present tense and it is not indented. When characters are introduced their name should be capitalized within the action. For example, JUNE runs in from the left stage. Finally, a character's name is CAPPED and always listed above his lines of dialogue.
I hope this helps you with formatting your screenplay.
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Comment Written 26-Feb-2019 |
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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2019
Hi Maria,
Thanks for your comments.
In fact I was trying to use BBC radio drama formatting.
I have now added this point in "Notes" under the piece.
But I appreciate the standard Drama script format is better for FanStory.
Thanks,
Richard.
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Comment by 2019 Novelist of the Year | | Premier Author | | Premier Reader | | Poet Rating     Rank: 90 (+1) | Author Rating For Short Works     Rank: 65 | Author Rating For Novels     Rank: 4 | Review Stars        Rank: 58 | | |
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Comment by
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Well done, a very thorough script, very dramatic, the central characters are just enough, the background moves at a frenetic pace, but then it would have to. Good directions for the cast, a lot happens in a short time, it would have to be a soliloquy, with the mind speak of some character, well done, good entry, thorough with directions, good job, good luck, blessings, Roy
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Comment Written 26-Feb-2019 |
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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2019
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Hi Roy,
Have returned to FS after a 2 year break.
I enjoy writing.
In this piece I experimented with American phrases, most of which will mean little outside America.
Also took many lines from a hymn book!
Well, with a 100-dead mine disaster, a hymn book is the place to look!
[Most who sing hymns have already got one foot in the grave.
Then as they sing, they imagine both feet in it!]
I jest.
It's now 8.20 pm in England. Probably its 8.20 am in Adelaide.
Thanks,
Richard.
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reply by royowen on 26-Feb-2019
That's a pretty good time guess, although you're right on Sydney time well done Richard, welcome back, Roy
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